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  • DistroMan 20:00 on March 2, 2012 Permalink
    Tags: change, , paradise, politics, world   

    There must come a time… 

    One day, sometime in the future, change will begin. Change for the better. It will either be by people rising up and demanding change from their leaders, or a leader with real vision to speak up in the face of opposition from those who would advocate the status quo for their own gain. It could happen now, but it is unlikely. I don’t see the inherent idealism in those who have the power that would be needed to make the necessary changes. In some countries, maybe most, it would be political suicide to even speak openly to colleagues about such thoughts.

    Take a few moments for yourself and try to think of what these changes would need to be. What could one person, a leader, do or say that could begin to cement in place irreversible changes to put this planet on the right track for the future? I’m talking about real change, not the Cardboard Castle we know as the United Nations. The last thing we need to is have the UN pulled apart only to recreate it under another name in another place.

    So, what words could be said that would start the ball rolling in the ‘right direction’?

     

  • DistroMan 20:00 on March 1, 2012 Permalink
    Tags: , , , , , , , , , , , , , ,   

    Psalm 118: Don’t let your right hand know what your left hand is jerking. 

    Psalms Part 118 of 150

    1 Give thanks to Yahweh, for he is good,

    for his loving kindness endures forever.

    Didn’t, isn’t and won’t.

    2 Let Israel now say

    that his loving kindness endures forever.

    Saying it doesn’t make it true.

    3 Let the house of Aaron now say

    that his loving kindness endures forever.

    Ditto.

    4 Now let those who fear Yahweh say

    that his loving kindness endures forever.

    5 Out of my distress, I called on Yah.

    Yah answered me with freedom.

    You have freedom?  Really?

    6 Yahweh is on my side. I will not be afraid.

    What can man do to me?

    You really need to ask that?

    7 Yahweh is on my side among those who help me.

    Therefore I will look in triumph at those who hate me.

    Having Gawd on your side hasn’t always been a good thing.  Read the damn book.

    8 It is better to take refuge in Yahweh,

    than to put confidence in man.

    Man is real.  Gawd is not.  So the claim doesn’t stand.

    9 It is better to take refuge in Yahweh,

    than to put confidence in princes.

    That just may be true.  There have been many bad princes, but still, at least they were real and could be fought and beaten.

    10 All the nations surrounded me,

    but in Yahweh’s name, I cut them off.

    YOU cut them off.  That wasn’t Gawd.

    11 They surrounded me, yes, they surrounded me.

    In Yahweh’s name I indeed cut them off.

    Hack and slash seems to be a recurring theme in the bible.

    12 They surrounded me like bees.

    They are quenched like the burning thorns.

    In Yahweh’s name I cut them off.

    How?  As I said earlier, just saying it doesn’t make it true.

    13 You pushed me back hard, to make me fall,

    but Yahweh helped me.

    How?

    14 Yah is my strength and song.

    He has become my salvation.

    15 The voice of rejoicing and salvation is in the tents of the righteous.

    “The right hand of Yahweh does valiantly.

    16 The right hand of Yahweh is exalted!

    The right hand of Yahweh does valiantly!”

    I can only guess what he does with his left hand.

    17 I will not die, but live,

    and declare Yah’s works.

    Won’t die?  Where are you now?  Dead dude.  Give it up.  (Here I am talking to the dead!)

    18 Yah has punished me severely,

    but he has not given me over to death.

    19 Open to me the gates of righteousness.

    I will enter into them.

    I will give thanks to Yah.

    For what?

    20 This is the gate of Yahweh;

    the righteous will enter into it.

    If he was punishing you, you can’t claim righteousness.

    21 I will give thanks to you, for you have answered me,

    and have become my salvation.

    22 The stone which the builders rejected has become the head of the corner.

    And the wheels on the bus go round and round, round and round…

    23 This is Yahweh’s doing.

    It is marvelous in our eyes.

    A delusion in your mind.

    24 This is the day that Yahweh has made.

    We will rejoice and be glad in it!

    25 Save us now, we beg you, Yahweh!

    Yahweh, we beg you, send prosperity now.

    Work hard, save and do it for yourself.  It feels better.  Unless of course you’re a lazy delusional bastard.

    26 Blessed is he who comes in Yahweh’s name!

    Said the Priest to the Altar Boy!

    We have blessed you out of Yahweh’s house.

    27 Yahweh is God, and he has given us light.

    Bind the sacrifice with cords, even to the horns of the altar.

    You would only need to bind a sacrifice if said sacrifice was trying to get away.  In that case you are talking of killing a living being.  That’s not nice.  It’s just not right.

    28 You are my God, and I will give thanks to you.

    You are my God, I will exalt you.

    29 Oh give thanks to Yahweh, for he is good,

    for his loving kindness endures forever.

    Again, NOT!!!

    << Psalm 117      Index      Psalm 119 >>

     

  • DistroMan 20:00 on February 29, 2012 Permalink
    Tags: , , , , , , , ,   

    Psalm 117: Don’t blink or it’ll be over. :) 

    Psalms Part 117 of 150

    1 Praise Yahweh, all you nations!

    Extol him, all you peoples!

    Tell lies or at the very least delusional exaggerations.

    2 For his loving kindness is great toward us.

    Yahweh’s faithfulness endures forever.

    You need to prove it even started first.

    Praise Yah!

    Hahahahahahahahaha!!!

    << Psalm 116      Index      Psalm 118 >>

     

  • DistroMan 20:00 on February 29, 2012 Permalink
    Tags: Chronicles, , , , , , index, , , , Kings, , , , , ,   

    Distro’s Bible Commentary: An Index 

    Warning: The Bible is a work of fiction and should not be taken literally. It contains verses descriptive of, or advocating suicide, incest, bestiality, sadomasochism, sexual activity in a violet manner, murder, morbid violence, use of drugs or alcohol, homosexuality, voyeurism, revenge, animal cruelty, undermining of authority figures, lawlessness and human rights violations and atrocities.

    Exposure to contents for extended periods of time or during formative years in children may cause delusions, hallucinations, decreased cognitive and objective reasoning abilities, and, in extreme cases, pathological disorders, hatred, bigotry and violence including but not limited to fanaticism, murder and genocide.

    Genesis – Exodus – Leviticus – Numbers – Deuteronomy – Joshua – Judges – Ruth – 1-Samuel – 2 Samuel – 1 Kings – 2 Kings – 1 Chronicles – 2 Chronicles – Ezra – Nehemiah – Esther – Job – Psalms – Proverbs – Ecclesiastes – Song of Solomon – Isaiah – Jeremiah – Lamentations – Ezekiel – Daniel – Hosea – Joel – Amos – Obadiah – Jonah – Micah – Nahum – Habakkuk – Zephaniah – Haggai – Zechariah – Malachi – Matthew – Mark – Luke – John – Acts – Romans – 1 Corinthians – 2 Corinthians – Galatians – Ephesians – Philippians – Colossians – 1 Thessalonians – 2 Thessalonians – 1 Timothy – 2 Timothy – Titus – Philemon – Hebrews – James – 1 Peter – 2 Peter – 1 John – 2 John – 3 John – Jude – Revelation

    Genesis

    1 – 2 – 3 – 4 – 5 – 6 – 7 – 8 – 9 – 10 – 11 – 12 – 13 – 14 – 15 – 16 – 17 – 18 – 19 – 20

    21 – 22 – 23 – 24 – 25 – 26 – 27 – 28 – 29 – 30 – 31 – 32 – 33 – 34 – 35 – 36 – 37 – 38 – 39 – 40

    41 – 42 – 43 – 44 – 45 – 46 – 47 – 48 – 49 – 50 – My thoughts on Genesis

    Exodus

    1 – 2 – 3 – 4 – 5 – 6 – 7 – 8 – 9 – 10 – 11 – 12 – 13 – 14 – 15 – 16 – 17 – 18 – 19 – 20 – 21 – 22 – 23 – 24 – 25 – 26 – 27 – 28 – 29 – 30 – 31 – 32 – 33 – 34 – 35 – 36 – 37 – 38 – 39 – 40 – My thoughts on Exodus

    Leviticus

    1 – 2 – 3 – 4 – 5 – 6 – 7 – 8 – 9 – 10 – 11 – 12 – 13 – 14 – 15 – 16 – 17 – 18 – 19 – 20 – 21 – 22 – 23 – 24 – 25 – 26 – 27 – My thoughts on Leviticus

    Numbers

    1 – 2 – 3 – 4 – 5 – 6 – 7 – 8 – 9 – 10 – 11 – 12 – 13 – 14 – 15 – 16 – 17 – 18 – 19 – 20 – 21 – 22 – 23 – 24 – 25 – 26 – 27 – 28 – 29 – 30 – 31 – 32 – 33 – 34 – 35 – 36 – My thoughts on Numbers

    Deuteronomy

    1 – 2 – 3 – 4 – 5 – 6 – 7 – 8 – 9 – 10 – 11 – 12 – 13 – 14 – 15 – 16 – 17 – 18 – 19 – 20 – 21 – 22 – 23 – 24 – 25 – 26 – 27 – 28 – 29 – 30 – 31 – 32 – 33 – 34 – My thoughts on Deuteronomy

    Joshua

    1 – 2 – 3 – 4 – 5 – 6 – 7 – 8 – 9 – 10 – 11 – 12 – 13 – 14 – 15 – 16 – 17 – 18 – 19 – 20 – 21 – 22 – 23 – 24 – My thoughts on Joshua

    Judges

    1 – 2 – 3 – 4 – 5 – 6 – 7 – 8 – 9 – 10 – 11 – 12 – 13 – 14 – 15 – 16 – 17 – 18 – 19 – 20 – 21 – My thoughts on Judges

    Ruth

    1 – 2 – 3 – 4 – My thoughts on Ruth

    1-Samuel

    1 – 2 – 3 – 4 – 5 – 6 – 7 – 8 – 9 – 10 – 11 – 12 – 13 – 14 – 15 – 16 – 17 – 18 – 19 – 20 – 21 – 22 – 23 – 24 – 25 – 26 – 27 – 28 – 29 – 30 – 31 – My thoughts on 1-Samuel

    2-Samuel

    1 – 2 – 3 – 4 – 5 – 6 – 7 – 8 – 9 – 10 – 11 – 12 – 13 – 14 – 15 – 16 – 17 – 18 – 19 – 20 – 21 – 22 – 23 – 24 – My thoughts on 2-Samuel

    1-Kings

    1 – 2 – 3 – 4 – 5 – 6 – 7 – 8 – 9 – 10 – 11 – 12 – 13 – 14 – 15 – 16 – 17 – 18 – 19 – 20 – 21 – 22 – My thoughts on 1-Kings

    2-Kings

    1 – 2 – 3 – 4 – 5 – 6 – 7 – 8 – 9 – 10 – 11 – 12 – 13 – 14 – 15 – 16 – 17 – 18 – 19 – 20 – 21 – 22 – 23 – 24 – 25 – My thoughts on 2-Kings

    1-Chronicles

    1 – 2 – 3 – 4 – 5 – 6 – 7 – 8 – 9 – 10 – 11 – 12 – 13 – 14 – 15 – 16 – 17 – 18 – 19 – 20 – 21 – 22 – 23 – 24 – 25 – 26 – 27 – 28 – 29 – My thoughts on 1-Chronicles

    2-Chronicles

    1 – 2 – 3 – 4 – 5 – 6 – 7 – 8 – 9 – 10 – 11 – 12 – 13 – 14 – 15 – 16 – 17 – 18 – 19 – 20 – 21 – 22 – 23 – 24 – 25 – 26 – 27 – 28 – 29 – 30 – 31 – 32 – 33 – 34 – 35 – 36 – My thoughts on 2-Chronicles

    Ezra

    1 – 2 – 3 – 4 – 5 – 6 – 7 – 8 – 9 – 10 – My thoughts on Ezra

    Nehemiah

    1 – 2 – 3 – 4 – 5 – 6 – 7 – 8 – 9 – 10 – 11 – 12 – 13 – My thoughts on Nehemiah

    Esther

    1 – 2 – 3 – 4 – 5 – 6 – 7 – 8 – 9 – 10 – My thoughts on Esther

    Job

    1 – 2 – 3 – 4 – 5 – 6 – 7 – 8 – 9 – 10 – 11 – 12 – 13 – 14 – 15 – 16 – 17 – 18 – 19 – 20 – 21 – 22 – 23 – 24 – 25 – 26 – 27 – 28 – 29 – 30 – 31 – 32 – 33 – 34 – 35 – 36 – 37 – 38 – 39 – 40 – 41 – 42 – My thoughts on Job

    Psalms

    1 – 2 – 3 – 4 – 5 – 6 – 7 – 8 – 9 – 10 – 11 – 12 – 13 – 14 – 15 – 16 – 17 – 18 – 19 – 20 – 21 – 22 – 23 – 24 – 25 – 26 – 27 – 28 – 29 – 30 – 31 – 32 – 33 – 34 – 35 – 36 – 37 – 38 – 39 – 40 – 41 – 42 – 43 – 44 – 45 – 46 – 47 – 48 – 49 – 50 – 51 – 52 – 53 – 54 – 55 – 56 – 57 – 58 – 59 – 60 – 61 – 62 – 63 – 64 – 65 – 66 – 67 – 68 – 69 – 70 – 71 – 72 – 73 – 74 – 75 – 76 – 77 – 78 – 79 – 80 – 81 – 82 – 83 – 84 – 85 – 86 – 87 – 88 – 89 – 90 – 91 – 92 – 93 – 94 – 95 – 96 – 97 – 98 – 99 – 100 – 101 – 102 – 103 – 104 – 105 – 106 – 107 – 108 – 109 – 110 – 111 – 112 – 113 – 114 – 115 – 116 – 117 – 118

     

  • DistroMan 20:00 on February 28, 2012 Permalink
    Tags: , , , , , , , , , , , ,   

    Psalm 116: Wanted by Morons: God, aka Jehovah, aka Yah, aka Yahweh! 

    Psalms Part 116 of 150

    1 I love Yahweh, because he listens to my voice,

    and my cries for mercy.

    Anybody can make baseless claims like this.  Prove them, then we might listen.

    2 Because he has turned his ear to me,

    therefore I will call on him as long as I live.

    3 The cords of death surrounded me,

    the pains of Sheol got a hold of me.

    I found trouble and sorrow.

    See a shrink.

    4 Then I called on Yahweh’s name:

    “Yahweh, I beg you, deliver my soul.”

    If you actually heard a voice answer you, then you have even more serious problems.

    5 Yahweh is Gracious and righteous.

    Yes, our God is merciful.

    Whatever floats your boat.

    6 Yahweh preserves the simple.

    I was brought low, and he saved me.

    Yes, sure he did.

    7 Return to your rest, my soul,

    for Yahweh has dealt bountifully with you.

    8 For you have delivered my soul from death,

    my eyes from tears,

    and my feet from falling.

    You were dead, crying and falling?  If you were dead, how do you know you were crying and falling?

    9 I will walk before Yahweh in the land of the living.

    I’m here.  Doing alright.  Don’t need a puppetmaster.

    10 I believed, therefore I said,

    “I was greatly afflicted.”

    If you believe, then you are afflicted.  That I do believe.

    11 I said in my haste,

    “All men are liars.”

    You are a man.  How then, do we take your word for anything?

    12 What will I give to Yahweh for all his benefits toward me?

    You’ve already given up your sanity.

    13 I will take the cup of salvation, and call on Yahweh’s name.

    Why not? You already drank the Cool-Aid!

    14 I will pay my vows to Yahweh,

    yes, in the presence of all his people.

    15 Precious in the sight of Yahweh is the death of his saints.

    He really does like death ,doesn’t he!

    16 Yahweh, truly I am your servant.

    I am your servant, the son of your handmaid.

    You have freed me from my chains.

    You have given up your life, your mind, your free will.

    17 I will offer to you the sacrifice of thanksgiving,

    and will call on Yahweh’s name.

    18 I will pay my vows to Yahweh,

    yes, in the presence of all his people,

    19 in the courts of Yahweh’s house,

    in your midst, Jerusalem.

    Praise Yah!

    Yahweh, Jehovah, Yah, God.  How many aliases does a guy need before you become suspicious?

    << Psalm 115      Index      Psalm 117 >>

     

  • DistroMan 20:00 on February 27, 2012 Permalink
    Tags: , , , , , , , , , , , ,   

    Psalm 115: Bless my Outhouse, for I hath farted! 

    Psalms Part 115 of 150

    1 Not to us, Yahweh, not to us,

    but to your name give glory,

    for your loving kindness, and for your truth’s sake.

    2 Why should the nations say,

    “Where is their God, now?”

    Because he never does anything much to help them except punish them and get them into wars.  Not helpful.

    3 But our God is in the heavens.

    He does whatever he pleases.

    That much seems evident.

    4 Their idols are silver and gold,

    the work of men’s hands.

    As are yours, except made of wood or rock etc.  Some smaller ones are made of gold and silver though.  You can’t even abide by your own gods rules.

    5 They have mouths, but they don’t speak.

    They have eyes, but they don’t see.

    Same as yours.

    6 They have ears, but they don’t hear.

    They have noses, but they don’t smell.

    Ditto!

    7 They have hands, but they don’t feel.

    They have feet, but they don’t walk,

    neither do they speak through their throat.

    Ditto!!

    8 Those who make them will be like them;

    yes, everyone who trusts in them.

    Pretty much, yes.  So why do you still follow your stupid religion?

    9 Israel, trust in Yahweh!

    He is their help and their shield.

    10 House of Aaron, trust in Yahweh!

    He is their help and their shield.

    11 You who fear Yahweh, trust in Yahweh!

    He is their help and their shield.

    If he was any kind of shield for his people, how come so many died in their wars?

    12 Yahweh remembers us. He will bless us.

    He will bless the house of Israel.

    He will bless the house of Aaron.

    Will he bless my outhouse?

    13 He will bless those who fear Yahweh,

    both small and great.

    I could never love someone I feared.

    14 May Yahweh increase you more and more,

    you and your children.

    Do you want fries with that?

    15 Blessed are you by Yahweh,

    who made heaven and earth.

    … and bacteria, polio, whooping cough, meningitis, the plague, measles, huntingtons, etc.  So loving of him.

    16 The heavens are the heavens of Yahweh;

    but the earth has he given to the children of men.

    17 The dead don’t praise Yah,

    neither any who go down into silence;

    18 But we will bless Yah,

    from this time forward and forever more.

    Praise Yah!

    No, you won’t, because you will die too and you’ve already stated the dead don’t praise him.  Dickhead.

    << Psalm 114      Index      Psalm 116 >>

     

  • DistroMan 20:00 on February 26, 2012 Permalink
    Tags: , , , , , , , , , ,   

    Psalm 114: Jacob, take this green leaf and pass it out amongst your people! – God 

    Psalms Part 114 of 150

    1 When Israel went out of Egypt,

    the house of Jacob from a people of foreign language;

    2 Judah became his sanctuary,

    Israel his dominion.

    3 The sea saw it, and fled.

    The sea saw nothing and did not flee.  It would be nice if the anthropomorphism would end.  The sea was supposedly pushed back by Moses at Gawd’s command.

    The Jordan was driven back.

    4 The mountains skipped like rams,

    the little hills like lambs.

    No such thing happened.

    5 What was it, you sea, that you fled?

    You Jordan, that you turned back?

    Horror?  At the stupidity of someone standing there with a stick trying to do woo?

    6 You mountains, that you skipped like rams;

    you little hills, like lambs?

    It’s much more likely that someone was high on weed.

    7 Tremble, you earth, at the presence of the Lord,

    at the presence of the God of Jacob,

    8 who turned the rock into a pool of water,

    the flint into a spring of waters.

    Why would anyone want the earth to tremble?  It only causes death and destruction.

    << Psalm 113      Index      Psalm 115 >>

     

  • DistroMan 20:00 on February 25, 2012 Permalink
    Tags: , , , , , , , , , , , , ,   

    Psalm 113: Sorry Shakespeare, I couldn’t help it. 

    Psalms Part 113 of 150

    1 Praise Yah!

    Praise, you servants of Yahweh,

    praise Yahweh’s name.

    Why?  A God by any other name would smell as bad!

    2 Blessed be Yahweh’s name,

    from this time forward and forever more.

    Nope, it still stinks.

    3 From the rising of the sun to the going down of the same,

    Yahweh’s name is to be praised.

    I can’t think of one single solitary reason to do so.

    4 Yahweh is high above all nations,

    his glory above the heavens.

    He might be high, but he isn’t above anything.

    5 Who is like Yahweh, our God,

    who has his seat on high,

    There’s a few ego maniacal morons I could name that think they are godlike.

    6 Who stoops down to see in heaven and in the earth?

    Astronomers and Geologists.

    7 He raises up the poor out of the dust.

    Lifts up the needy from the ash heap;

    No he doesn’t.  He asks them for donations so the Pope can wear funny hats.

    8 that he may set him with princes,

    even with the princes of his people.

    This monarchy thing has nothing going for it either.  What right has anyone to be born ‘above’ another person?  It’s wrong.

    9 He settles the barren woman in her home,

    as a joyful mother of children.

    Praise Yah!

    He’s a rapist!

    << Psalm 112      Index      Psalm 114 >>

     

  • DistroMan 20:00 on February 24, 2012 Permalink
    Tags: , , , , , , , , , , , ,   

    Psalm 112: Atheists do get frustrated, but it’s the Christians who gnash their teeth. Silly sheeple. 

    Psalms Part 112 of 150

    1 Praise Yah!

    Blessed is the man who fears Yahweh,

    who delights greatly in his commandments.

    If he was real, then everybody would fear him, but as it isn’t real, then what rational minded person would care?

    2 His seed will be mighty in the land.

    Gawd really has to stop diddling other mens wives.  It’s not right.

    The generation of the upright will be blessed.

    3 Wealth and riches are in his house.

    His righteousness endures forever.

    He doesn’t have any righteousness.

    4 Light dawns in the darkness for the upright,

    gracious, merciful, and righteous.

    In their deluded minds, light could dawn at midnight.

    5 It is well with the man who deals graciously and lends.

    He will maintain his cause in judgment.

    6 For he will never be shaken.

    The righteous will be remembered forever.

    As fools.

    7 He will not be afraid of evil news.

    His heart is steadfast, trusting in Yahweh.

    Then why is David always whinging, whining and shitting himself silly about his enemies?

    8 His heart is established.

    He will not be afraid in the end when he sees his adversaries.

    Not true, as I just said.

    9 He has dispersed, he has given to the poor.

    His righteousness endures forever.

    His horn will be exalted with honor.

    You really need more modern language.  I’ll say no more on this.

    10 The wicked will see it, and be grieved.

    He shall gnash with his teeth, and melt away.

    The wicked that you see are just those who don’t believe in your imaginary friend.  Seeing all of the so called wicked people, including me, NOT being grieved, NOT gnashing their teeth and NOT melting away, I have to question your statement.  These days I see more christians gnashing their teeth in anger and frustration.  What is wrong with you people?

    << Psalm 111      Index      Psalm 113 >>

     

  • DistroMan 20:00 on February 23, 2012 Permalink
    Tags: , , , , , , , , , , ,   

    Psalm 111: Your tax dollars pay for this crap. Don’t you just love it? 

    Psalms Part 111 of 150

    1 Praise Yah!

    I will give thanks to Yahweh with my whole heart,

    in the council of the upright, and in the congregation.

    Blah, blah, don’t care.

    2 Yahweh’s works are great,

    pondered by all those who delight in them.

    Rainbow chaser.

    3 His work is honor and majesty.

    His righteousness endures forever.

    Underpants Gnomes.

    4 He has caused his wonderful works to be remembered.

    Yahweh is gracious and merciful.

    Unicorns have horns.

    5 He has given food to those who fear him.

    He always remembers his covenant.

    Teapots in space.

    6 He has shown his people the power of his works,

    in giving them the heritage of the nations.

    Dragon in my garage.

    7 The works of his hands are truth and justice.

    All his precepts are sure.

    Flying Spaghetti Monster in my cupboard.

    8 They are established forever and ever.

    They are done in truth and uprightness.

    Politicians don’t lie.

    9 He has sent redemption to his people.

    He has ordained his covenant forever.

    His name is holy and awesome!

    Priests are trustworthy.

    10 The fear of Yahweh is the beginning of wisdom.

    All those who do his work have a good understanding.

    His praise endures forever!

    Don’t worry, as long as shit stinks, we’ll remember him.

    << Psalm 110      Index      Psalm 112 >>

     

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