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  • DistroMan 20:00 on June 30, 2010 Permalink
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    Genesis 9: Did anyone hear what God said? 

    1 Then God blessed Noah and his sons, saying to them, “Be fruitful and increase in number and fill the earth.

    I hope he meant with their wives. Boom Boom.

    2 The fear and dread of you will fall upon all the beasts of the earth and all the birds of the air, upon every creature that moves along the ground, and upon all the fish of the sea; they are given into your hands.

    Hmm, never seen a lion get scared of a human unless they had fire with them.  Methinks he lies.  As usual, trying to trick us into giving up our lives.

    3 Everything that lives and moves will be food for you. Just as I gave you the green plants, I now give you everything.

    Yeah, even the poisonous stuff huh?  Maybe you should rethink this in light of what you are going to say shortly.  You’re making it hard to trust you SkyFairyMan.

    4 “But you must not eat meat that has its lifeblood still in it.

    Party Pooper!

    5 And for your lifeblood I will surely demand an accounting. I will demand an accounting from every animal. And from each man, too, I will demand an accounting for the life of his fellow man.

    6 “Whoever sheds the blood of man, by man shall his blood be shed; for in the image of God has God made man.

    More murder and mayhem.  Such a fun guy.  Very kind, merciful and forgiving.  Not a touch of vengeance in him.

    7 As for you, be fruitful and increase in number; multiply on the earth and increase upon it.”

    I prefer a bed or a pile of hay.  Too much grit getting into parts I don’t want it when multiplying is done on the earth.

    8 Then God said to Noah and to his sons with him:

    But not with the women you notice.

    9 “I now establish my covenant with you and with your descendants after you

    10 and with every living creature that was with you—the birds, the livestock and all the wild animals, all those that came out of the ark with you—every living creature on earth.

    Oh yeah, I can see the Bonobo Monkeys stopping what they are doing to kneel in prayer at your magnificence.

    11 I establish my covenant with you: Never again will all life be cut off by the waters of a flood; never again will there be a flood to destroy the earth.”

    12 And God said, “This is the sign of the covenant I am making between me and you and every living creature with you, a covenant for all generations to come:

    13 I have set my rainbow in the clouds, and it will be the sign of the covenant between me and the earth.

    14 Whenever I bring clouds over the earth and the rainbow appears in the clouds,

    15 I will remember my covenant between me and you and all living creatures of every kind. Never again will the waters become a flood to destroy all life.

    16 Whenever the rainbow appears in the clouds, I will see it and remember the everlasting covenant between God and all living creatures of every kind on the earth.”

    Don’t psychiatrists have a term for people that talk about themselves in the third person?

    17 So God said to Noah, “This is the sign of the covenant I have established between me and all life on the earth.”

    Yes, the Olive Tree thank you Oh Lord!


    The Sons of Noah

    18 The sons of Noah who came out of the ark were Shem, Ham and Japheth. (Ham was the father of Canaan.)

    Sounds like something you’d put on a pizza.

    19 These were the three sons of Noah, and from them came the people who were scattered over the earth.

    20 Noah, a man of the soil, proceeded to plant a vineyard.

    A man of the soil.  Sure was.  God kept telling him to do it in the dirt.

    21 When he drank some of its wine, he became drunk and lay uncovered inside his tent.

    22 Ham, the father of Canaan, saw his father’s nakedness and told his two brothers outside.

    23 But Shem and Japheth took a garment and laid it across their shoulders; then they walked in backward and covered their father’s nakedness. Their faces were turned the other way so that they would not see their father’s nakedness.

    Must have been one ugly son of a bitch.

    24 When Noah awoke from his wine and found out what his youngest son had done to him,

    25 he said, “Cursed be Canaan! The lowest of slaves will he be to his brothers.”

    But it wasn’t Canaan.  It was Ham.  Freaking morons can’t get their story straight.

    26 He also said, “Blessed be the LORD, the God of Shem! May Canaan be the slave of Shem.

    27 May God extend the territory of Japheth ; may Japheth live in the tents of Shem, and may Canaan be his slave.”

    Why is he blaming his grandson?

    28 After the flood Noah lived 350 years.

    29 Altogether, Noah lived 950 years, and then he died.

    That usually is what happens at the end of your life.

    Now, where’s that pizza?

    << Genesis 8      Index      Genesis 10 >>

     

  • DistroMan 20:00 on June 29, 2010 Permalink
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    Genesis 8: Did anyone hear what God said? 

    1 And God remembered Noah, and every living thing, and all the cattle that was with him in the ark: and God made a wind to pass over the earth, and the waters asswaged;

    Remember? He’d never have forgotten so remembering is a little redundant.

    2 The fountains also of the deep and the windows of heaven were stopped , and the rain from heaven was restrained;

    We’ve been through this, but just for fun I’ll say it anyway.  There is not enough water in the ground and in the sky to pull of a flood of this size.  Pure rubbish.

    3 And the waters returned from off the earth continually : and after the end of the hundred and fifty days the waters were abated.

    Is that 150 days from the first drop of rain or 150 days since the rain stopped??

    4 And the ark rested in the seventh month, on the seventeenth day of the month, upon the mountains of Ararat.

    This says July was the month Mount Ararat showed up.

    5 And the waters decreased continually until the tenth month: in the tenth month, on the first day of the month, were the tops of the mountains seen.

    This says October before the top of the mountains were seen. Both can’t be right. Typical though.

    6 And it came to pass at the end of forty days, that Noah opened the window of the ark which he had made:

    Must have been awfully dark with only one window in a boat big enough for even a fraction of the animals on this planet.

    7 And he sent forth a raven, which went forth to and fro, until the waters were dried up from off the earth.

    8 Also he sent forth a dove from him, to see if the waters were abated from off the face of the ground;

    9 But the dove found no rest for the sole of her foot, and she returned unto him into the ark, for the waters were on the face of the whole earth: then he put forth his hand, and took her , and pulled her in unto him into the ark.

    No, no, no, you just finished saying the waters had receded and Mount Ararat was showing. There must have been somewhere for the bird to land. Stupid people can’t get their story straight.

    10 And he stayed yet other seven days; and again he sent forth the dove out of the ark;

    11 And the dove came in to him in the evening ; and, lo, in her mouth was an olive leaf pluckt off: so Noah knew that the waters were abated from off the earth.

    An Olive Tree would not have lived underwater for that amount of time or be able to produce new leaves so soon after being submerged.

    12 And he stayed yet other seven days; and sent forth the dove; which returned not again unto him any more.

    I don’t blame the poor bird.  Imagine the stink in the Ark after all that time?

    13 And it came to pass in the six hundredth and first year, in the first month, the first day of the month, the waters were dried up from off the earth: and Noah removed the covering of the ark, and looked , and, behold, the face of the ground was dry.

    Yeah sure.  It is ridiculous to expect anyone to believe that you would wait till the earth was completely uncovered, especially when the Ark was up a mountainside.  Morons.

    14 And in the second month, on the seven and twentieth day of the month, was the earth dried.

    You just finished saying it was dry in the first month and now you change it straight away to the second month.  Again, morons!!!!

    15 And God spake unto Noah, saying,

    16 Go forth of the ark, thou, and thy wife, and thy sons, and thy sons’ wives with thee.

    17 Bring forth with thee every living thing that is with thee, of all flesh, both of fowl, and of cattle, and of every creeping thing that creepeth upon the earth; that they may breed abundantly in the earth, and be fruitful , and multiply upon the earth.

    And pray tell, what would they eat?  The earth would be barren and it will be years before there is plentiful food for all.  Even the carnivores would eat the other animals straight away.  Do you expect the lions, tigers, hyenas and wild dogs to wait for the next breeding season before they eat?

    18 And Noah went forth , and his sons, and his wife, and his sons’ wives with him:

    19 Every beast, every creeping thing, and every fowl, and whatsoever creepeth upon the earth, after their kinds, went forth out of the ark.

    20 And Noah builded an altar unto the LORD; and took of every clean beast, and of every clean fowl, and offered burnt offerings on the altar.

    So straight away that makes those animals extinct.  Very humane Noah.

    21 And the LORD smelled a sweet savour; and the LORD said in his heart, I will not again curse the ground any more for man’s sake; for the imagination of man’s heart is evil from his youth; neither will I again smite any more every thing living, as I have done .

    Isn’t that exactly what it supposed to happen?  Again, lies, lies and more lies from the master of lies and deception.

    22 While the earth remaineth, seedtime and harvest, and cold and heat, and summer and winter, and day and night shall not cease .

    Matthew 25:31-36, 40-43, 45-46 all say something different.  Still, it is just as I’d expect from a fairy tale written for superstitious fools.

    << Genesis 7      Index      Genesis 9 >>

     

  • DistroMan 20:00 on June 28, 2010 Permalink
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    Genesis 7: Did anyone hear what God said? 

    You don’t have to watch the videos, but they are very interesting and debunk the whole Flood story.  You might even get a giggle out of them.  I did.  :)

    1 And the LORD said unto Noah, “Come thou and all thy house into the ark, for thee have I seen righteous before Me in this generation.

    God had already said he would destroy man.  Now he doesn’t.  Saving one family to carry on is just setting them back at the beginning and ready to fail again.  If he truly wanted to get it right he’d have made them perfect in the first place or wiped them all out this time and start from scratch.  Only a fool would do it this way.

    2 Of every clean beast thou shalt take to thee by sevens, the male and his female; and of beasts that are not clean by two, the male and his female.

    Damned ridiculous.  Not only was the Ark story ridiculous with only two of each animal, but it was seven for a lot of them.  You could have shrunk them by half and they still would not have fit in the Ark.

    3 Of fowls also of the air by sevens, the male and the female, to keep seed alive upon the face of all the earth.

    That many birds would have eaten more seed in in forty days than they could have stored.

    4 For yet seven days, and I will cause it to rain upon the earth forty days and forty nights, and every living substance that I have made will I destroy from off the face of the earth.”

    Not all plants come from seed, so how were they replaced after the flood if everything was destroyed?

    5 And Noah did according unto all that the LORD commanded him.

    Six thousand years ago, Australia was not connected to any other part of the world, so how did Noah get the Kangaroos and Koala Bears etc?  He wouldn’t have had enough time to build the boat and get here to pick them up let alone get back for the rest.  I’m damn sure Koala Bears can’t swim either.  :)

    6 And Noah was six hundred years old when the flood of waters was upon the earth.

    There is more bullshit in this story than their would have been on the Ark after forty days and forty nights.  :)

    7 And Noah went in, and his sons, and his wife, and his sons’ wives with him into the ark, because of the waters of the flood.

    As you would.

    8 Of clean beasts, and of beasts that are not clean, and of fowls and of every thing that creepeth upon the earth,

    9 there went in two by two unto Noah into the ark, the male and the female as God had commanded Noah.

    Bullshit again.  God said seven of the clean animals.

    10 And it came to pass after seven days that the waters of the flood were upon the earth.

    11 In the six hundredth year of Noah’s life, in the second month, the seventeenth day of the month, that same day were all the fountains of the great deep broken up, and the windows of heaven were opened.

    12 And the rain was upon the earth forty days and forty nights.

    13 In the selfsame day entered Noah, and Shem and Ham and Japheth, the sons of Noah, and Noah’s wife, and the three wives of his sons with them, into the ark–

    Crap!

    14 they, and every beast after his kind, and all the cattle after their kind, and every creeping thing that creepeth upon the earth after his kind, and every fowl after his kind, every bird of every sort.

    Crap!!

    15 And they went in unto Noah into the ark, two by two of all flesh wherein is the breath of life.

    Crap!!!

    16 And they that went in, went in male and female of all flesh, as God had commanded him; and the LORD shut him in.

    Crap!!!!

    17 And the flood was forty days upon the earth, and the waters increased and bore up the ark, and it was lifted up above the earth.

    18 And the waters prevailed and were increased greatly upon the earth, and the ark went upon the face of the waters.

    19 And the waters prevailed exceedingly upon the earth, and all the high hills that were under the whole heaven were covered.

    20 Fifteen cubits upward did the waters prevail, and the mountains were covered.

    The dolts who wrote this sure weren’t mathematicians.

    21 And all flesh died that moved upon the earth, both of fowl and of cattle and of beast, and of every creeping thing that creepeth upon the earth, and every man:

    22 all in whose nostrils was the breath of life, all that was on the dry land, died.

    Sure sure.

    23 And every living substance was destroyed which was upon the face of the ground, both man and cattle, and the creeping things and the fowl of the heaven, and they were destroyed from the earth. And Noah only remained alive, and they that were with him in the ark.

    24 And the waters prevailed upon the earth a hundred and fifty days.

    Nothing left for the herbivores to eat. Nothing left for the carnivores to eat. Nothing left in the soil to allow plant life to flourish. No brains in the heads of the people who wrote this tripe.

    << Genesis 6      Index      Genesis 8 >>

     

  • DistroMan 20:00 on June 27, 2010 Permalink
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    Genesis 6: Did anyone hear what God said? 

    1 And it came to pass, when men began to multiply on the face of the earth and daughters were born unto them,

    Aha, it was the men who multiplied!  I thought that was against God’s laws.

    2 that the sons of God saw the daughters of men, that they were fair; and they took for themselves wives of all whom they chose.

    Of course.  Men just take from women.  It’s the christian way.

    3 And the LORD said, “My Spirit shall not always strive with man, for he also is flesh; yet his days shall be a hundred and twenty years.”

    Bullshit.  They were living for hundreds of years.  We’ve never had an average life of 120 years.  Not even close.

    4 There were giants on the earth in those days; and also after that, when the sons of God came in unto the daughters of men and they bore children to them, the same became mighty men who were of old, men of renown.

    Giants?  Getting into too much of the herbs methinks.

    5 And GOD saw that the wickedness of man was great in the earth, and that every imagining of the thoughts of his heart was only evil continually.

    Yep, all that begatting with other men is certainly evil in his book.

    6 And the LORD repented that He had made man on the earth, and it grieved Him in His heart.

    Hey, he wanted it and he organised it and he made them in his image.  What did he expect?

    7 And the LORD said, “I will destroy man whom I have created from the face of the earth, both man and beast, and the creeping thing and the fowls of the air, for I repent that I have made them.”

    Oh, isn’t that so merciful?  Warms the heart that does.  He doesn’t like the mess he created so he murders all but Noah and crew.

    8 But Noah found grace in the eyes of the LORD.

    No explanation so far as to why Noah found grace.

    9 These are the generations of Noah. Noah was a just man and perfect in his generations, and Noah walked with God.

    What is ‘perfect in his generations’?

    10 And Noah begot three sons: Shem, Ham, and Japheth.

    I wonder what his wife was doing while he was begatting?

    11 The earth also was corrupt before God, and the earth was filled with violence.

    What did he expect?  He caused it.

    12 And God looked upon the earth, and behold, it was corrupt; for all flesh had corrupted his way upon the earth.

    No, Noah wasn’t corrupt.  More crap.

    13 And God said unto Noah, “The end of all flesh has come before Me, for the earth is filled with violence through them; and behold, I will destroy them with the earth.

    No, not all flesh, just most.  Remember Noah and his family, all the animals, fish and birds etc?

    14 Make thee an ark of gopherwood; rooms shalt thou make in the ark, and shalt cover it within and without with pitch.

    Ah, this has been covered so many times.  That thing was not big enough to hold two of all animals.  Not even close.  What a crock. Also, I have to wonder what it does to a person to work with pitch the whole time during the build and then to be closed up inside a vessel covered in it with only one window for forty days and forty nights.

    15 And this is the fashion which thou shalt make it of: the length of the ark shall be three hundred cubits, the breadth of it fifty cubits, and the height of it thirty cubits.

    That big and only one window?  All those animals.  All that waste.  All that methane and only one window.  I wonder what happened each time Noah’s wife lit the fire to cook dinner?

    16 A window shalt thou make for the ark, and to a cubit shalt thou finish it above; and the door of the ark shalt thou set in the side thereof; with lower, second, and third stories shalt thou make it.

    17 And behold, I, even I, do bring a flood of waters upon the earth to destroy all flesh wherein is the breath of life from under heaven; and every thing that is on the earth shall die.

    Noooo, not the fish or the birds that can fly for longer than 40 days.  Yes, there are birds that can.

    18 But with thee will I establish My covenant; and thou shalt come into the ark, thou and thy sons, and thy wife and thy sons’ wives with thee.

    19 And of every living thing of all flesh, two of every sort shalt thou bring into the ark to keep them alive with thee; they shall be male and female.

    20 Of fowls after their kind, and of cattle after their kind, of every creeping thing of the earth after his kind, two of every sort shall come unto thee to keep them alive.

    21 And take thou unto thee of all food that is eaten, and thou shalt gather it to thee; and it shall be food for thee and for them.”

    NOT big enough for all the animals to begin with and yet they also had to have room for food for all those animals for forty days.   Hmmm, some of those animals are carnivores, so who went out and killed all those animals and how did they stow that and keep it edible for forty days?

    22 Thus did Noah; according to all that God commanded him, so did he.

    So once again we only have one small group of humans to breed from and they are already inbred.  Considering what God already allows, it doesn’t seem that cousins begatting with cousins would cause him to blink an eyelid.

    << Genesis 5      Index      Genesis 7 >>

     

  • DistroMan 20:00 on June 26, 2010 Permalink
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    Genesis 5: Did anyone hear what God said? 

    1This is the book of the generations of Adam. In the day that God created man, in the likeness of God made He him.

    2Male and female created He them, and blessed them and called their name Adam in the day when they were created.

    No, he didn’t call them ‘Adam’, he called them ‘Adam and Eve’.

    3And Adam lived a hundred and thirty years, and begot a son in his own likeness, after his image, and called his name Seth.

    Begot?  I thought it was begat?  Pedantic?  Yes, but still.  Make up your minds.

    4And the days of Adam after he had begotten Seth were eight hundred years; and he begot sons and daughters.

    5And all the days that Adam lived were nine hundred and thirty years; and he died.

    Oh puhlease!!!!!!!

    6And Seth lived a hundred and five years, and begot Enosh.

    Ditto!!!

    7And Seth lived after he begot Enosh eight hundred and seven years, and begot sons and daughters.

    I give up.  :)

    8And all the days of Seth were nine hundred and twelve years; and he died.

    9And Enosh lived ninety years, and begot Cainan.

    10And Enosh lived after he begot Cainan eight hundred and fifteen years, and begot sons and daughters.

    11And all the days of Enosh were nine hundred and five years; and he died.

    12And Cainan lived seventy years, and begot Mahalaleel.

    13And Cainan lived after he begot Mahalaleel eight hundred and forty years, and begot sons and daughters.

    14And all the days of Cainan were nine hundred and ten years; and he died.

    15And Mahalaleel lived sixty and five years, and begot Jared.

    16And Mahalaleel lived after he begot Jared eight hundred and thirty years, and begot sons and daughters.

    17And all the days of Mahalaleel were eight hundred ninety and five years; and he died.

    18And Jared lived a hundred sixty and two years, and he begot Enoch.

    19And Jared lived after he begot Enoch eight hundred years, and begot sons and daughters.

    20And all the days of Jared were nine hundred sixty and two years; and he died.

    21And Enoch lived sixty and five years, and begot Methuselah.

    22And Enoch walked with God after he begot Methuselah three hundred years, and begot sons and daughters.

    23And all the days of Enoch were three hundred sixty and five years.

    24And Enoch walked with God; and he was not, for God took him.

    25And Methuselah lived a hundred eighty and seven years, and begot Lamech.

    26And Methuselah lived after he begot Lamech seven hundred eighty and two years, and begot sons and daughters.

    27And all the days of Methuselah were nine hundred sixty and nine years; and he died.

    28And Lamech lived a hundred eighty and two years, and begot a son.

    29And he called his name Noah, saying, “This same shall comfort us concerning our work and toil of our hands, because of the ground which the LORD hath cursed.”

    This ‘same‘?  I expect that’s a typo and should have been ‘name‘.  How does a name comfort?

    30And Lamech lived after he begot Noah five hundred ninety and five years, and begot sons and daughters.

    31And all the days of Lamech were seven hundred seventy and seven years; and he died.

    32And Noah was five hundred years old; and Noah begot Shem, Ham, and Japheth.

    Why not tell us who the women/girls were and how long they lived?  Or were the guys the only ones doing the begatting?  This rubbish is all too misogynistic for my tastes.

    << Genesis 4      Index      Genesis 6 >>

     

  • DistroMan 20:00 on June 25, 2010 Permalink
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    Genesis 4: Did anyone hear what God said? 

    1 And Adam knew Eve his wife; and she conceived and bore Cain, and said, “I have gotten a man from the LORD.”

    I assume they mean he ‘knew’ her in the biblical sense, so you’d think it is safe to assume that it was Adam, but then Eve says that she ‘got a man from the LORD’.  Threesome anyone?

    2 And she again bore his brother Abel. And Abel was a keeper of sheep, but Cain was a tiller of the ground.

    3 And in process of time it came to pass that Cain brought of the fruit of the ground an offering unto the LORD.

    4 And Abel also brought of the firstlings of his flock and of the fat thereof. And the LORD had respect unto Abel and to his offering;

    Ok, what the hell does God do with a lamb?  Just saying…

    5 but unto Cain and to his offering He had not respect. And Cain was very wroth, and his countenance fell.

    What? No explanation as to why God showed no respect for Cain?

    6 And the LORD said unto Cain, “Why art thou wroth? And why is thy countenance fallen?

    I don’t blame Cain.  He toiled as hard as his brother at his work and made an offering and yet had it ignored.  I’d feel a bit put out as well.

    7 If thou doest well, shalt thou not be accepted? And if thou doest not well, sin lieth at the door. And unto thee shall be his desire, and thou shalt rule over him.”

    Why hadn’t he done as well?  He gave of his toil as did his brother.  God was just playing favourites as usual.  Probably had a thing for Abel.

    8 And Cain talked with Abel his brother; and it came to pass, when they were in the field, that Cain rose up against Abel his brother and slew him.

    9 And the LORD said unto Cain, “Where is Abel thy brother?” And he said, “I know not. Am I my brother’s keeper?”

    Again, the guy who is supposed to be all-knowing, knows nothing and has to ask questions of a mortal.

    10 And He said, “What hast thou done? The voice of thy brother’s blood crieth unto Me from the ground.

    Still asking questions even though he admits he knows.

    11 And now art thou cursed from the earth, which hath opened her mouth to receive thy brother’s blood from thy hand.

    12 When thou tillest the ground, it shall not henceforth yield unto thee her strength. A fugitive and a vagabond shalt thou be on the earth.”

    13 And Cain said unto the LORD, “My punishment is greater than I can bear.

    14 Behold, Thou hast driven me out this day from the face of the earth, and from Thy face shall I be hid; and I shall be a fugitive and a vagabond on the earth. And it shall come to pass that every one who findeth me shall slay me.”

    Just how many times could he be slain I wonder.

    15 And the LORD said unto him, “Therefore whosoever slayeth Cain, vengeance shall be taken on him sevenfold.” And the LORD set a mark upon Cain, lest any finding him should kill him.

    16 And Cain went out from the presence of the LORD, and dwelt in the land of Nod to the east of Eden.

    17 And Cain knew his wife, and she conceived and bore Enoch. And he built a city, and called the name of the city after the name of his son, Enoch.

    Cursed, a mark upon him and yet someone marries him? Yeah, even then they had weirdos.

    18 And unto Enoch was born Irad; and Irad begot Mehujael, and Mehujael begot Methushael, and Methushael begot Lamech.

    19 And Lamech took unto him two wives: the name of the one was Adah, and the name of the other Zillah.

    So two wives is alright huh?  Why then has that changed?  If it was alright then, why is it seen as immoral now?  God seemed fine with it.  He didn’t put any mark upon Lamech for his indiscretion, but as I say, it probably wasn’t an indiscretion then.

    20 And Adah bore Jabal; he was the father of those who dwell in tents, and of those who have cattle.

    21 And his brother’s name was Jubal; he was the father of all those who handle the harp and organ.

    22 And Zillah, she also bore Tubalcain, an instructor of every artificer in brass and iron; and the sister of Tubalcain was Naamah.

    23 And Lamech said unto his wives, “Adah and Zillah, hear my voice; ye wives of Lamech, hearken unto my speech! For I have slain a man for my wounding, and a young man for my hurt.

    24 If Cain shall be avenged sevenfold, truly Lamech seventy and sevenfold.”

    25 And Adam knew his wife again; and she bore a son and called his name Seth. “For God,” said she, “hath appointed me another seed instead of Abel, whom Cain slew.”

    Oh yeah, this is all the begatting and living for centuries crap.  First though, tell me how Cain ‘knew’ anyone?  He had no sisters.  There were no other ‘Adam and Eves’.  There was only him and his parents so I guess he ‘knew’ his mother.  Seemingly multiple wives and incest was a normal part of life back then.

    26 And to Seth also there was born a son, and he called his name Enosh. Then began men to call upon the name of the LORD.

    I don’t doubt they’d call upon the LORD.  Probably to get the moron to give them some extra women.  Eve must have been pretty tired from all the begatting going on.

    << Genesis 3      Index      Genesis 5 >>

     

  • DistroMan 20:00 on June 24, 2010 Permalink
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    Genesis 3: Did anyone hear what God said? 

    1 Now the serpent was more subtle than any beast of the field which the LORD God had made. And he said unto the woman, “Yea, hath God said, `Ye shall not eat of every tree of the garden’?”

    The way it says ‘than any beast of the field which the LORD God had made‘, it sounds like the serpent wasn’t made by God.  If it wasn’t, who made it and why aren’t we told.  If it was made by God, why did he make a serpent that could speak?  Was this the only snake to be made this way?  Or are they saying all snakes were like this?  And what language was that? Parseltongue?

    2 And the woman said unto the serpent, “We may eat of the fruit of the trees of the garden,

    So, does the serpent speak whatever language that Eve spoke or was Eve speaking Parseltongue?  Also, when did she find out about not eating the fruit of that tree.  God told Adam, not Eve and Adam hasn’t told her.

    3 but of the fruit of the tree which is in the midst of the garden, God hath said, `Ye shall not eat of it, neither shall ye touch it, lest ye die.’”

    4 And the serpent said unto the woman, “Ye shall not surely die;

    5 for God doth know that in the day ye eat thereof, then your eyes shall be opened, and ye shall be as gods, knowing good and evil.”

    Ah, not just knowing, but doing good and evil.

    6 And when the woman saw that the tree was good for food, and that it was pleasant to the eyes, and a tree to be desired to make one wise, she took of the fruit thereof and ate, and gave also unto her husband with her; and he ate.

    Husband?  No priest around.  No witnesses.  Just God and a snake.  Neither of them mentioned a marriage.

    7 And the eyes of them both were opened, and they knew that they were naked; and they sewed fig leaves together, and made themselves things to gird about.

    Sound more like it should have been called the Tree of Shame.

    8 And they heard the voice of the LORD God, walking in the garden in the cool of the day. And Adam and his wife hid themselves from the presence of the LORD God amongst the trees of the garden.

    Just how do you ‘hear‘ a voice ‘walking‘?

    9 And the LORD God called unto Adam and said unto him, “Where art thou?”

    Um, hold on.  Remember the ‘all knowing‘ bit?  He didn’t need to ask that.  He already knew.

    10 And he said, “I heard Thy voice in the garden, and I was afraid because I was naked; and I hid myself.”

    11 And He said, “Who told thee that thou wast naked? Hast thou eaten of the tree whereof I commanded thee that thou shouldest not eat?”

    Again, ‘all knowing‘?  Why is he asking stupid questions?

    12 And the man said, “The woman whom Thou gavest to be with me, she gave me of the tree, and I ate.”

    13 And the LORD God said unto the woman, “What is this that thou hast done?” And the woman said, “The serpent beguiled me, and I ate.”

    14 And the LORD God said unto the serpent, “Because thou hast done this, thou art cursed above all cattle, and above every beast of the field. Upon thy belly shalt thou go, and dust shalt thou eat all the days of thy life.

    They do NOT east dust, so when were they forgiven?

    15 And I will put enmity between thee and the woman, and between thy seed and her Seed; It shall bruise thy head, and thou shalt bruise His heel.”

    Between the serpent and the woman?

    16 Unto the woman He said, “I will greatly multiply thy sorrow and thy conception. In sorrow thou shalt bring forth children; and thy desire shall be to thy husband, and he shall rule over thee.”

    Multiply must mean that she already had sorrow.  So it wasn’t such a Garden of Eden after all.

    17 And unto Adam He said, “Because thou hast hearkened unto the voice of thy wife, and hast eaten of the tree of which I commanded thee, saying, `Thou shalt not eat of it,’ cursed is the ground for thy sake; in sorrow shalt thou eat of it all the days of thy life.

    18 Thorns also and thistles shall it bring forth to thee, and thou shalt eat the herb of the field.

    Herbs are good.  I like herbs.

    19 In the sweat of thy face shalt thou eat bread till thou return unto the ground, for out of it wast thou taken; for dust thou art, and unto dust shalt thou return.”

    Bread is good too.

    20 And Adam called his wife’s name Eve, because she was the mother of all living.

    All living what?  She hasn’t given birth yet.  They haven’t even bumped uglies.

    21 Unto Adam also and to his wife did the LORD God make coats of skins, and clothed them.

    Adam also implies someone else had one first, but it wasn’t Eve because she comes after Adam in the coat getting stakes.  Someone can’t count.

    22 And the LORD God said, “Behold, the man has become as one of Us, to know good and evil. And now, lest he put forth his hand and take also of the tree of life, and eat and live for ever”–

    The only things that have happened to Adam so far is being made, having a rib taken, listening to Eve, eating from the apple, being ashamed and wearing a coat.  If that is what becoming like God is, it isn’t much of a resumé.

    23 therefore the LORD God sent him forth from the Garden of Eden to till the ground from whence he was taken.

    24 So He drove out the man; and He placed at the east of the Garden of Eden cherubims and a flaming sword which turned every way, to keep the way of the tree of life.

    No mention of driving Eve out.  I can understand the flaming sword swishing around, back and forth, but why the cherubims?  The normal answer we find is that they are their to guard the entrance, but that is what the sword is doing.  The cherubims are superfluous.  Also, as he had to put these idiotic things at the entrance to guard it, it also means that it could be found by man again at a later date.  We haven’t and there has never been mention of what happened to it.  If it disappears in the flood, then what was the need to keep it in the first place?  Why not just get rid of the thing instead of having it guarded for no reason?

    We can count ‘evil‘, ‘shame‘, and ‘stupidity‘ among God’s attributes.  Not that I’m keeping score.  MUCH!!!

    << Genesis 2      Index      Genesis 4 >>

     

  • DistroMan 20:00 on June 23, 2010 Permalink
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    Genesis 2: Did anyone hear what God said? 

    Genesis: Part 2 of 50

    Genesis 2

    1 So the creation of the heavens and the earth and everything in them was completed.

    Seemingly not as it has still been going on since.  New things have come into being and others have altered.  Lazy bugger didn’t finish the job at all.

    2 On the seventh day, having finished his task, God rested from all his work.

    Yeah, it’s a tiring business being omnipotent. But, hold on. Doesn’t being omnipotent also mean you wouldn’t need rest?  Slacker.

    3 And God blessed the seventh day and declared it holy, because it was the day when he rested from his work of creation.

    If we declare something ‘holy’ that we have created, isn’t that just a little arrogant?

    This next bit is not the normal kind of thing.  You have to think of it as a flashback kind of dream sequence because the creation had already been done.  SuperNutjobMan is just having a wet dream.

    4 This is the account of the creation of the heavens and the earth. When the LORD God made the heavens and the earth,

    5 there were no plants or grain growing on the earth, for the LORD God had not sent any rain. And no one was there to cultivate the soil.

    6 But water came up out of the ground and watered all the land.

    7 And the LORD God formed a man’s body from the dust of the ground and breathed into it the breath of life. And the man became a living person.

    8 Then the LORD God planted a garden in Eden, in the east, and there he placed the man he had created.

    He didn’t just create the garden, he ‘planted‘ it.

    9 And the LORD God planted all sorts of trees in the garden–beautiful trees that produced delicious fruit. At the center of the garden he placed the tree of life and the tree of the knowledge of good and evil.

    As far as I know there is never any mention of this tree being destroyed, so I wonder if there are any still around?

    10 A river flowed from the land of Eden, watering the garden and then dividing into four branches.

    11 One of these branches is the Pishon, which flows around the entire land of Havilah, where gold is found.

    12 The gold of that land is exceptionally pure; aromatic resin and onyx stone are also found there.

    Why would God care about such things?

    13 The second branch is the Gihon, which flows around the entire land of Cush.

    14 The third branch is the Tigris, which flows to the east of Asshur. The fourth branch is the Euphrates.

    15 The LORD God placed the man in the Garden of Eden to tend and care for it.

    16 But the LORD God gave him this warning: “You may freely eat any fruit in the garden

    17 except fruit from the tree of the knowledge of good and evil. If you eat of its fruit, you will surely die.”

    Now why place temptation in front of ‘man’ if he wasn’t playing games with us?  There is no other reason.

    18 And the LORD God said, “It is not good for the man to be alone. I will make a companion who will help him.”

    No mention of why it wasn’t good for man to be alone.

    19 So the LORD God formed from the soil every kind of animal and bird. He brought them to Adam to see what he would call them, and Adam chose a name for each one.

    20 He gave names to all the livestock, birds, and wild animals. But still there was no companion suitable for him.

    Should Adam have chosen a goat?

    21 So the LORD God caused Adam to fall into a deep sleep. He took one of Adam’s ribs and closed up the place from which he had taken it.

    22 Then the LORD God made a woman from the rib and brought her to Adam.

    23 “At last!” Adam exclaimed. “She is part of my own flesh and bone! She will be called `woman,’ because she was taken out of a man.”

    24 This explains why a man leaves his father and mother and is joined to his wife, and the two are united into one.

    It explains nothing other than the absolute stupidity of the writers who thought that it made any sense.  What is even more amazing is that people are gullible enough to believe it these days.

    25 Now, although Adam and his wife were both naked, neither of them felt any shame.

    True enough, it wouldn’t have been shame they were feeling.  So far there were no priests making them feel ashamed for what was natural.  Those bastards have a lot to answer for.

    <<     Genesis 1      Index      Genesis 3     >>

     

  • DistroMan 20:00 on June 21, 2010 Permalink
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    Genesis 1: Did anyone hear what God said? 

    Firstly let me say that the whole bible is a crock of shit because no omnipotent being is going to screw around by not only creating, but then having to deal with such contrary beings as us.  We change our minds at a whim, do some of the dumbest things you can think of and generally stuff the very planet we’re living on.  If you were omnipotent you’d just make them/us do as you wished.  Simple.  But lets look at what the dummy is supposed to have done:

    Genesis: Part 1 of 50

    The Beginning

    1 In the beginning God created the heavens and the earth.

    2 Now the earth was formless and empty, darkness was over the surface of the deep, and the Spirit of God was hovering over the waters.

    3 And God said, “Let there be light,” and there was light.

    Ah, he was on his own and talking to himself?  Just a bit potty I’d say.

    4 God saw that the light was good, and He separated the light from the darkness.

    Separated?  Light can be seen, measured and used.  Dark is nothing more than an absence of light.  Separation of the two is a nonsense.  Oh, I suppose this is a ‘metaphor’.  It gets a bit tiresome everytime something damned ridiculous can’t be explained it is called a metaphor.  That’s just being disingenuous.

    5 God called the light “day,” and the darkness he called “night.” And there was evening, and there was morning—the first day.

    6 And God said, “Let there be an expanse between the waters to separate water from water.”

    There was nobody around to take dictation and absolutely no mention of God telling anybody all this crap so where did this story come from?

    7 So God made the expanse and separated the water under the expanse from the water above it. And it was so.

    8 God called the expanse “sky.” And there was evening, and there was morning—the second day.

    Talking to himself again.  Also, this ‘sky’ thing is actually below and above and in between the water that is supposedly above the ‘expanse’.  So this part is very wrong as the water is not above the ‘expanse’ at all. Only part of it, but we’ll go on and get back into this in a moment.

    9 And God said, “Let the water under the sky be gathered to one place, and let dry ground appear.” And it was so.

    This is a rather ambiguous statement as ‘one place’ does not equate to what we have.  The lakes etc are not joined to the oceans.  Something either is or it is not.  This is NOT true.

    10 God called the dry ground “land,” and the gathered waters he called “seas.” And God saw that it was good.

    11 Then God said, “Let the land produce vegetation: seed-bearing plants and trees on the land that bear fruit with seed in it, according to their various kinds.” And it was so.

    12 The land produced vegetation: plants bearing seed according to their kinds and trees bearing fruit with seed in it according to their kinds. And God saw that it was good.

    13 And there was evening, and there was morning—the third day.

    14 And God said, “Let there be lights in the expanse of the sky to separate the day from the night, and let them serve as signs to mark seasons and days and years,

    15 and let them be lights in the expanse of the sky to give light on the earth.” And it was so.

    16 God made two great lights—the greater light to govern the day and the lesser light to govern the night. He also made the stars.

    Two great lights?  The moon is not a light.  And this business about making the stars?  He’d already done that hadn’t he?  Why mention this twice?

    17 God set them in the expanse of the sky to give light on the earth,

    Ok, here we go. The ‘expanse’ was supposed to be between the water below and the water above.  That would now mean that the sun and moon are now below the clouds.  An astronomer he wasn’t.

    18 to govern the day and the night, and to separate light from darkness. And God saw that it was good.

    19 And there was evening, and there was morning—the fourth day.

    20 And God said, “Let the water teem with living creatures, and let birds fly above the earth across the expanse of the sky.”

    Might not they bump into the sun and moon if they flew across the ‘expanse’?

    21 So God created the great creatures of the sea and every living and moving thing with which the water teems, according to their kinds, and every winged bird according to its kind. And God saw that it was good.

    Here we go with the ‘every kind’ stupidity again.  There can only be ‘every kind’ if they were already there, which is just one more example to prove that this was all made up by man.  And he must have been an idiot.

    22 God blessed them and said, “Be fruitful and increase in number and fill the water in the seas, and let the birds increase on the earth.”

    23 And there was evening, and there was morning—the fifth day.

    24 And God said, “Let the land produce living creatures according to their kinds: livestock, creatures that move along the ground, and wild animals, each according to its kind.” And it was so.

    25 God made the wild animals according to their kinds, the livestock according to their kinds, and all the creatures that move along the ground according to their kinds. And God saw that it was good.

    26 Then God said, “Let us make man in our image, in our likeness, and let them rule over the fish of the sea and the birds of the air, over the livestock, over all the earth, and over all the creatures that move along the ground.”

    US?  OUR?  How many of these ‘gods’ are there?

    27 So God created man in his own image, in the image of God he created him; male and female he created them.

    This bit is the best.  In his image?  Both sexes?  He’s a hermaphrodite?  No wonder he’s screwed up.

    28 God blessed them and said to them, “Be fruitful and increase in number; fill the earth and subdue it. Rule over the fish of the sea and the birds of the air and over every living creature that moves on the ground.”

    29 Then God said, “I give you every seed-bearing plant on the face of the whole earth and every tree that has fruit with seed in it. They will be yours for food.

    30 And to all the beasts of the earth and all the birds of the air and all the creatures that move on the ground—everything that has the breath of life in it—I give every green plant for food.” And it was so.

    31 God saw all that he had made, and it was very good. And there was evening, and there was morning—the sixth day.

    This just has to make you wonder what he means by ‘very good’?  Does the Gazelle think it’s good to be eaten alive by a pride of Lions?  If all the animals were herbivores it would have made much more sense, but alas, ‘good” seems to be about 3/10 on the scale of worst to best.

    All this garbage put together just goes to show that ‘omnipotent’ is not the same as ‘intelligent’.

    Index      Genesis 2

     

  • DistroMan 20:00 on June 16, 2010 Permalink
    Tags: , , , , , ,   

    Community standards should go up, not down! 

    Just about all societies ills stem from the same problem that has befallen societies throughout history.  They have succumbed to the normalisation of things that should have been stopped before they even got started.  I’m all for freedom and progress, but there are some things that should not be allowed to fall by the wayside in the name of “I’ll do what I want”.

    Freedom of expression is a good thing, but it should be something that is earned like respect.  It’s not be something that you should have from the day you are born.  More freedom as you get older and are able to handle that freedom sounds like a much better deal than kids wandering around telling their parents that they will do as they please.  Should children have the right to express themselves to the point of abusing their parents whenever they try to get them to behave?

    We have allowed our children to get out of hand.  Try walking down the main street nearly anywhere without hearing the most foul language possible from the mouths of minors.  But go and do just that in ‘posh’ suburb and you are quite likely to wind up in court.  Double standards much?

    The bleeding hearts that say you shouldn’t smack your children have it so that parents are so afraid to discipline their children that the children are now beating up their parents.  Respect for one’s parents is dying very quickly.

    Try riding a train and having the peace and quiet to read a book or the mornings paper without having to put up with the music from some idiots mp3 playing phone.

    Get a copy of the road rules and look up what the rules are for roundabouts and then take a chair and sit near one and watch just how many people have no idea how they should work.  It’s become a free for all that is now spilling over onto other intersections.  Very little respect for others on the roads anymore.

    It’s so much fun to get caught by that red light just in time to have some dickhead pull up beside you with his or her music blaring so loud they couldn’t hear an ambulance siren if it was sitting right behind them.  The thumping base must be doing a great amount of damage to their hearing and yet they couldn’t care less.  Why are sound systems of this power legal in cars?

    There are rules about smoking within a certain distance of exits from buildings but when was the last time you saw anyone actually walk outside that area before lighting up?  And then they probably don’t keep going afterwards.  Just last week at our local hospital, visitors standing right next to the sign that plainly says ‘no smoking within the marked zone’ and yes, the zone is marked quite clearly with bright yellow lines.

    I used to think it was quite disgusting to see people spitting into the gutter, but that’s nothing to having people just spit right on the path in front of them oblivious to other people around them

    Roadside advertising signs are another problem these days.  They can be informative, but it should be kept to a minimum so drivers attention isn’t being diverted for lengthy periods of time.  What is worse are the explicit lingerie adverts or others that show scantily clad girls advertising something that has nothing to do with what is depicted.  How many accidents are caused by these advertisements taking drivers attention away from the road?  It’s not just the danger.  How about the blatant advertisement of such things to children?  You couldn’t legally put that stuff in a children’s magazine, so why is it where they can see it day after day? No respect for parents wishes.

    I drive past a school a few days ago only to see a parent getting a small child out of a car that has emblazoned across the rear window the following: Caring Understanding Nineties Type.  I don’t know about you, but when did it become acceptable to throw that in our kids faces right out in front of a school?  If I choose not to have that become a part of my children’s upbringing, it seems that society is now telling me I don’t have that right.

    The big movable signs that roadworkers use to inform you of roadworks and detours are now being used by businesses to advertise sales.  We take our attention away from the road to see what may be important only to find there is a sale on mattresses.

    Just because there aren’t specific laws to stop most of this behaviour, doesn’t mean that it should just be shrugged off and allowed to continue.

    Are we now at the stage that the ‘lowest common denominator‘ is the major stockholder in our collective futures?  If I said that we are now living with anarchy, I’d be wrong, but if I said that we are well on the road to such a situation I’d be right.  Somewhere between now and then, there is a line that will be crossed.  Do we cross that line and then be unable to retrieve the situation or do we hold that line and save some kind of community standards for future generations to live by?

    WHICH WORLD DO YOU WANT TO LIVE IN?

     

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