Psalms Part 117 of 150
1 Praise Yahweh, all you nations!
Extol him, all you peoples!
Tell lies or at the very least delusional exaggerations.
2 For his loving kindness is great toward us.
Yahweh’s faithfulness endures forever.
You need to prove it even started first.
Praise Yah!
Hahahahahahahahaha!!!
Warning: The Bible is a work of fiction and should not be taken literally. It contains verses descriptive of, or advocating suicide, incest, bestiality, sadomasochism, sexual activity in a violet manner, murder, morbid violence, use of drugs or alcohol, homosexuality, voyeurism, revenge, animal cruelty, undermining of authority figures, lawlessness and human rights violations and atrocities.
Exposure to contents for extended periods of time or during formative years in children may cause delusions, hallucinations, decreased cognitive and objective reasoning abilities, and, in extreme cases, pathological disorders, hatred, bigotry and violence including but not limited to fanaticism, murder and genocide.
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21 – 22 – 23 – 24 – 25 – 26 – 27 – 28 – 29 – 30 – 31 – 32 – 33 – 34 – 35 – 36 – 37 – 38 – 39 – 40
41 – 42 – 43 – 44 – 45 – 46 – 47 – 48 – 49 – 50 – My thoughts on Genesis
1 – 2 – 3 – 4 – 5 – 6 – 7 – 8 – 9 – 10 – 11 – 12 – 13 – 14 – 15 – 16 – 17 – 18 – 19 – 20 – 21 – 22 – 23 – 24 – 25 – 26 – 27 – 28 – 29 – 30 – 31 – 32 – 33 – 34 – 35 – 36 – 37 – 38 – 39 – 40 – My thoughts on Exodus
1 – 2 – 3 – 4 – 5 – 6 – 7 – 8 – 9 – 10 – 11 – 12 – 13 – 14 – 15 – 16 – 17 – 18 – 19 – 20 – 21 – 22 – 23 – 24 – 25 – 26 – 27 – My thoughts on Leviticus
1 – 2 – 3 – 4 – 5 – 6 – 7 – 8 – 9 – 10 – 11 – 12 – 13 – 14 – 15 – 16 – 17 – 18 – 19 – 20 – 21 – 22 – 23 – 24 – 25 – 26 – 27 – 28 – 29 – 30 – 31 – 32 – 33 – 34 – 35 – 36 – My thoughts on Numbers
1 – 2 – 3 – 4 – 5 – 6 – 7 – 8 – 9 – 10 – 11 – 12 – 13 – 14 – 15 – 16 – 17 – 18 – 19 – 20 – 21 – 22 – 23 – 24 – 25 – 26 – 27 – 28 – 29 – 30 – 31 – 32 – 33 – 34 – My thoughts on Deuteronomy
1 – 2 – 3 – 4 – 5 – 6 – 7 – 8 – 9 – 10 – 11 – 12 – 13 – 14 – 15 – 16 – 17 – 18 – 19 – 20 – 21 – 22 – 23 – 24 – My thoughts on Joshua
Judges
1 – 2 – 3 – 4 – 5 – 6 – 7 – 8 – 9 – 10 – 11 – 12 – 13 – 14 – 15 – 16 – 17 – 18 – 19 – 20 – 21 – My thoughts on Judges
1 – 2 – 3 – 4 – My thoughts on Ruth
1 – 2 – 3 – 4 – 5 – 6 – 7 – 8 – 9 – 10 – 11 – 12 – 13 – 14 – 15 – 16 – 17 – 18 – 19 – 20 – 21 – 22 – 23 – 24 – 25 – 26 – 27 – 28 – 29 – 30 – 31 – My thoughts on 1-Samuel
2-Samuel
1 – 2 – 3 – 4 – 5 – 6 – 7 – 8 – 9 – 10 – 11 – 12 – 13 – 14 – 15 – 16 – 17 – 18 – 19 – 20 – 21 – 22 – 23 – 24 – My thoughts on 2-Samuel
1 – 2 – 3 – 4 – 5 – 6 – 7 – 8 – 9 – 10 – 11 – 12 – 13 – 14 – 15 – 16 – 17 – 18 – 19 – 20 – 21 – 22 – My thoughts on 1-Kings
1 – 2 – 3 – 4 – 5 – 6 – 7 – 8 – 9 – 10 – 11 – 12 – 13 – 14 – 15 – 16 – 17 – 18 – 19 – 20 – 21 – 22 – 23 – 24 – 25 – My thoughts on 2-Kings
1 – 2 – 3 – 4 – 5 – 6 – 7 – 8 – 9 – 10 – 11 – 12 – 13 – 14 – 15 – 16 – 17 – 18 – 19 – 20 – 21 – 22 – 23 – 24 – 25 – 26 – 27 – 28 – 29 – My thoughts on 1-Chronicles
1 – 2 – 3 – 4 – 5 – 6 – 7 – 8 – 9 – 10 – 11 – 12 – 13 – 14 – 15 – 16 – 17 – 18 – 19 – 20 – 21 – 22 – 23 – 24 – 25 – 26 – 27 – 28 – 29 – 30 – 31 – 32 – 33 – 34 – 35 – 36 – My thoughts on 2-Chronicles
1 – 2 – 3 – 4 – 5 – 6 – 7 – 8 – 9 – 10 – My thoughts on Ezra
1 – 2 – 3 – 4 – 5 – 6 – 7 – 8 – 9 – 10 – 11 – 12 – 13 – My thoughts on Nehemiah
1 – 2 – 3 – 4 – 5 – 6 – 7 – 8 – 9 – 10 – My thoughts on Esther
1 – 2 – 3 – 4 – 5 – 6 – 7 – 8 – 9 – 10 – 11 – 12 – 13 – 14 – 15 – 16 – 17 – 18 – 19 – 20 – 21 – 22 – 23 – 24 – 25 – 26 – 27 – 28 – 29 – 30 – 31 – 32 – 33 – 34 – 35 – 36 – 37 – 38 – 39 – 40 – 41 – 42 – My thoughts on Job
1 – 2 – 3 – 4 – 5 – 6 – 7 – 8 – 9 – 10 – 11 – 12 – 13 – 14 – 15 – 16 – 17 – 18 – 19 – 20 – 21 – 22 – 23 – 24 – 25 – 26 – 27 – 28 – 29 – 30 – 31 – 32 – 33 – 34 – 35 – 36 – 37 – 38 – 39 – 40 – 41 – 42 – 43 – 44 – 45 – 46 – 47 – 48 – 49 – 50 – 51 – 52 – 53 – 54 – 55 – 56 – 57 – 58 – 59 – 60 – 61 – 62 – 63 – 64 – 65 – 66 – 67 – 68 – 69 – 70 – 71 – 72 – 73 – 74 – 75 – 76 – 77 – 78 – 79 – 80 – 81 – 82 – 83 – 84 – 85 – 86 – 87 – 88 – 89 – 90 – 91 – 92 – 93 – 94 – 95 – 96 – 97 – 98 – 99 – 100 – 101 – 102 – 103 – 104 – 105 – 106 – 107 – 108 – 109 – 110 – 111 – 112 – 113 – 114 – 115 – 116 – 117 – 118
Psalms Part 116 of 150
1 I love Yahweh, because he listens to my voice,
and my cries for mercy.
Anybody can make baseless claims like this. Prove them, then we might listen.
2 Because he has turned his ear to me,
therefore I will call on him as long as I live.
3 The cords of death surrounded me,
the pains of Sheol got a hold of me.
I found trouble and sorrow.
See a shrink.
4 Then I called on Yahweh’s name:
“Yahweh, I beg you, deliver my soul.”
If you actually heard a voice answer you, then you have even more serious problems.
5 Yahweh is Gracious and righteous.
Yes, our God is merciful.
Whatever floats your boat.
6 Yahweh preserves the simple.
I was brought low, and he saved me.
Yes, sure he did.
7 Return to your rest, my soul,
for Yahweh has dealt bountifully with you.
8 For you have delivered my soul from death,
my eyes from tears,
and my feet from falling.
You were dead, crying and falling? If you were dead, how do you know you were crying and falling?
9 I will walk before Yahweh in the land of the living.
I’m here. Doing alright. Don’t need a puppetmaster.
10 I believed, therefore I said,
“I was greatly afflicted.”
If you believe, then you are afflicted. That I do believe.
11 I said in my haste,
“All men are liars.”
You are a man. How then, do we take your word for anything?
12 What will I give to Yahweh for all his benefits toward me?
You’ve already given up your sanity.
13 I will take the cup of salvation, and call on Yahweh’s name.
Why not? You already drank the Cool-Aid!
14 I will pay my vows to Yahweh,
yes, in the presence of all his people.
15 Precious in the sight of Yahweh is the death of his saints.
He really does like death ,doesn’t he!
16 Yahweh, truly I am your servant.
I am your servant, the son of your handmaid.
You have freed me from my chains.
You have given up your life, your mind, your free will.
17 I will offer to you the sacrifice of thanksgiving,
and will call on Yahweh’s name.
18 I will pay my vows to Yahweh,
yes, in the presence of all his people,
19 in the courts of Yahweh’s house,
in your midst, Jerusalem.
Praise Yah!
Yahweh, Jehovah, Yah, God. How many aliases does a guy need before you become suspicious?
Psalms Part 115 of 150
1 Not to us, Yahweh, not to us,
but to your name give glory,
for your loving kindness, and for your truth’s sake.
2 Why should the nations say,
“Where is their God, now?”
Because he never does anything much to help them except punish them and get them into wars. Not helpful.
3 But our God is in the heavens.
He does whatever he pleases.
That much seems evident.
4 Their idols are silver and gold,
the work of men’s hands.
As are yours, except made of wood or rock etc. Some smaller ones are made of gold and silver though. You can’t even abide by your own gods rules.
5 They have mouths, but they don’t speak.
They have eyes, but they don’t see.
Same as yours.
6 They have ears, but they don’t hear.
They have noses, but they don’t smell.
Ditto!
7 They have hands, but they don’t feel.
They have feet, but they don’t walk,
neither do they speak through their throat.
Ditto!!
8 Those who make them will be like them;
yes, everyone who trusts in them.
Pretty much, yes. So why do you still follow your stupid religion?
9 Israel, trust in Yahweh!
He is their help and their shield.
10 House of Aaron, trust in Yahweh!
He is their help and their shield.
11 You who fear Yahweh, trust in Yahweh!
He is their help and their shield.
If he was any kind of shield for his people, how come so many died in their wars?
12 Yahweh remembers us. He will bless us.
He will bless the house of Israel.
He will bless the house of Aaron.
Will he bless my outhouse?
13 He will bless those who fear Yahweh,
both small and great.
I could never love someone I feared.
14 May Yahweh increase you more and more,
you and your children.
Do you want fries with that?
15 Blessed are you by Yahweh,
who made heaven and earth.
… and bacteria, polio, whooping cough, meningitis, the plague, measles, huntingtons, etc. So loving of him.
16 The heavens are the heavens of Yahweh;
but the earth has he given to the children of men.
17 The dead don’t praise Yah,
neither any who go down into silence;
18 But we will bless Yah,
from this time forward and forever more.
Praise Yah!
No, you won’t, because you will die too and you’ve already stated the dead don’t praise him. Dickhead.
Psalms Part 114 of 150
1 When Israel went out of Egypt,
the house of Jacob from a people of foreign language;
2 Judah became his sanctuary,
Israel his dominion.
3 The sea saw it, and fled.
The sea saw nothing and did not flee. It would be nice if the anthropomorphism would end. The sea was supposedly pushed back by Moses at Gawd’s command.
The Jordan was driven back.
4 The mountains skipped like rams,
the little hills like lambs.
No such thing happened.
5 What was it, you sea, that you fled?
You Jordan, that you turned back?
Horror? At the stupidity of someone standing there with a stick trying to do woo?
6 You mountains, that you skipped like rams;
you little hills, like lambs?
It’s much more likely that someone was high on weed.
7 Tremble, you earth, at the presence of the Lord,
at the presence of the God of Jacob,
8 who turned the rock into a pool of water,
the flint into a spring of waters.
Why would anyone want the earth to tremble? It only causes death and destruction.
Psalms Part 113 of 150
1 Praise Yah!
Praise, you servants of Yahweh,
praise Yahweh’s name.
Why? A God by any other name would smell as bad!
2 Blessed be Yahweh’s name,
from this time forward and forever more.
Nope, it still stinks.
3 From the rising of the sun to the going down of the same,
Yahweh’s name is to be praised.
I can’t think of one single solitary reason to do so.
4 Yahweh is high above all nations,
his glory above the heavens.
He might be high, but he isn’t above anything.
5 Who is like Yahweh, our God,
who has his seat on high,
There’s a few ego maniacal morons I could name that think they are godlike.
6 Who stoops down to see in heaven and in the earth?
Astronomers and Geologists.
7 He raises up the poor out of the dust.
Lifts up the needy from the ash heap;
No he doesn’t. He asks them for donations so the Pope can wear funny hats.
8 that he may set him with princes,
even with the princes of his people.
This monarchy thing has nothing going for it either. What right has anyone to be born ‘above’ another person? It’s wrong.
9 He settles the barren woman in her home,
as a joyful mother of children.
Praise Yah!
He’s a rapist!
Psalms Part 112 of 150
1 Praise Yah!
Blessed is the man who fears Yahweh,
who delights greatly in his commandments.
If he was real, then everybody would fear him, but as it isn’t real, then what rational minded person would care?
2 His seed will be mighty in the land.
Gawd really has to stop diddling other mens wives. It’s not right.
The generation of the upright will be blessed.
3 Wealth and riches are in his house.
His righteousness endures forever.
He doesn’t have any righteousness.
4 Light dawns in the darkness for the upright,
gracious, merciful, and righteous.
In their deluded minds, light could dawn at midnight.
5 It is well with the man who deals graciously and lends.
He will maintain his cause in judgment.
6 For he will never be shaken.
The righteous will be remembered forever.
As fools.
7 He will not be afraid of evil news.
His heart is steadfast, trusting in Yahweh.
Then why is David always whinging, whining and shitting himself silly about his enemies?
8 His heart is established.
He will not be afraid in the end when he sees his adversaries.
Not true, as I just said.
9 He has dispersed, he has given to the poor.
His righteousness endures forever.
His horn will be exalted with honor.
You really need more modern language. I’ll say no more on this.
10 The wicked will see it, and be grieved.
He shall gnash with his teeth, and melt away.
The wicked that you see are just those who don’t believe in your imaginary friend. Seeing all of the so called wicked people, including me, NOT being grieved, NOT gnashing their teeth and NOT melting away, I have to question your statement. These days I see more christians gnashing their teeth in anger and frustration. What is wrong with you people?
Psalms Part 111 of 150
1 Praise Yah!
I will give thanks to Yahweh with my whole heart,
in the council of the upright, and in the congregation.
Blah, blah, don’t care.
2 Yahweh’s works are great,
pondered by all those who delight in them.
Rainbow chaser.
3 His work is honor and majesty.
His righteousness endures forever.
Underpants Gnomes.
4 He has caused his wonderful works to be remembered.
Yahweh is gracious and merciful.
Unicorns have horns.
5 He has given food to those who fear him.
He always remembers his covenant.
Teapots in space.
6 He has shown his people the power of his works,
in giving them the heritage of the nations.
Dragon in my garage.
7 The works of his hands are truth and justice.
All his precepts are sure.
Flying Spaghetti Monster in my cupboard.
8 They are established forever and ever.
They are done in truth and uprightness.
Politicians don’t lie.
9 He has sent redemption to his people.
He has ordained his covenant forever.
His name is holy and awesome!
Priests are trustworthy.
10 The fear of Yahweh is the beginning of wisdom.
All those who do his work have a good understanding.
His praise endures forever!
Don’t worry, as long as shit stinks, we’ll remember him.
Psalms Part 110 of 150
A Psalm by David.
1 Yahweh says to my Lord, “Sit at my right hand,
Being a psalm by David, I have to expect it is David who is saying that God said this. David’s ‘lord’ would be God. Therefore, Yahweh is talking to himself. Makes perfect sense. Well, about as much as the rest of this damned book.
until I make your enemies your footstool for your feet.”
This is just about making war on their enemies. As usual. The whole book seems to be about wiping their enemies out of existence so Gawd’s favourites can live in peace while slaving away to sacrifice everything to the priesthood in his name. The good bits that I might agree with are so few and far between that they may as well not exist at all.
2 Yahweh will send out the rod of your strength out of Zion.
Rule in the midst of your enemies.
3 Your people offer themselves willingly in the day of your power, in holy array.
Out of the womb of the morning, you have the dew of your youth.
4 Yahweh has sworn, and will not change his mind:
“You are a priest forever in the order of Melchizedek.”
5 The Lord is at your right hand.
He will crush kings in the day of his wrath.
6 He will judge among the nations.
He will heap up dead bodies.
He will crush the ruler of the whole earth.
7 He will drink of the brook on the way;
therefore he will lift up his head.
Pathetic.
Psalms Part 109 of 150
For the Chief Musician. A Psalm by David.
1 God of my praise, don’t remain silent,
I’ll let you in on a little secret. He doesn’t have a choice. Being a myth means he can’t talk. Get over it.
2 for they have opened the mouth of the wicked and the mouth of deceit against me.
They have spoken to me with a lying tongue.
3 They have also surrounded me with words of hatred,
and fought against me without a cause.
I’ve read the book. You aren’t an angel yourself.
4 In return for my love, they are my adversaries;
but I am in prayer.
5 They have rewarded me evil for good,
and hatred for my love.
Leader, King, Ruler, whatever. You’re a freaking politician no matter what. Of course the people will hate you. Again, get over it.
6 Set a wicked man over him.
Let an adversary stand at his right hand.
7 When he is judged, let him come out guilty.
Let his prayer be turned into sin.
8 Let his days be few.
Let another take his office.
Maybe someone asked God for this favour with you as the target? Ever thought of that?
9 Let his children be fatherless,
and his wife a widow.
10 Let his children be wandering beggars.
Let them be sought from their ruins.
11 Let the creditor seize all that he has.
Let strangers plunder the fruit of his labor.
A person only has to read this to know you are a right bastard yourself.
12 Let there be no one to extend kindness to him,
neither let there be anyone to have pity on his fatherless children.
13 Let his posterity be cut off.
In the generation following let their name be blotted out.
14 Let the iniquity of his fathers be remembered by Yahweh.
Don’t let the sin of his mother be blotted out.
15 Let them be before Yahweh continually,
that he may cut off their memory from the earth;
16 because he didn’t remember to show kindness,
but persecuted the poor and needy man,
the broken in heart, to kill them.
17 Yes, he loved cursing, and it came to him.
He didn’t delight in blessing, and it was far from him.
18 He clothed himself also with cursing as with his garment.
It came into his inward parts like water,
like oil into his bones.
19 Let it be to him as the clothing with which he covers himself,
for the belt that is always around him.
20 This is the reward of my adversaries from Yahweh,
of those who speak evil against my soul.
NO, it’s what you wish was their reward. It is what you ask Yah Yah to do to them. You sir are a moron. Not a nice one either.
21 But deal with me, Yahweh the Lord, for your name’s sake,
because your loving kindness is good, deliver me;
22 for I am poor and needy.
My heart is wounded within me.
23 I fade away like an evening shadow.
I am shaken off like a locust.
24 My knees are weak through fasting.
My body is thin and lacks fat.
25 I have also become a reproach to them.
When they see me, they shake their head.
26 Help me, Yahweh, my God.
Save me according to your loving kindness;
You aren’t going to get much by pleading for something he doesn’t seem to have.
27 that they may know that this is your hand;
that you, Yahweh, have done it.
28 They may curse, but you bless.
When they arise, they will be shamed,
but your servant shall rejoice.
29 Let my adversaries be clothed with dishonor.
Let them cover themselves with their own shame as with a robe.
30 I will give great thanks to Yahweh with my mouth.
Yes, I will praise him among the multitude.
31 For he will stand at the right hand of the needy,
to save him from those who judge his soul.
It all boils down to you wanting everything in your favour and everyone else who doesn’t bow down to you, to be pounded out of existence after being tortured. You really were made in Gawd’s image.
