Exodus 22: The Flight from Egypt

Exodus: Part 22 of 40

Protection of Property

1 “If a man steals an ox or a sheep and slaughters it or sells it, he must pay back five head of cattle for the ox and four sheep for the sheep.

God has time to dick around making laws regarding theft of livestock?

2 “If a thief is caught breaking in and is struck so that he dies, the defender is not guilty of bloodshed;

Even if it could be proven that death was unnecessary and the thief could have been apprehended without harm?

3 but if it happens after sunrise, he is guilty of bloodshed.  “A thief must certainly make restitution, but if he has nothing, he must be sold to pay for his theft.

If it’s dark it’s alright to murder? Selling someone is slavery and wrong at any time and place.

4 “If the stolen animal is found alive in his possession—whether ox or donkey or sheep—he must pay back double.

It still makes no sense that a god would bother itself with laws of this kind.

5 “If a man grazes his livestock in a field or vineyard and lets them stray and they graze in another man’s field, he must make restitution from the best of his own field or vineyard.

6 “If a fire breaks out and spreads into thornbushes so that it burns shocks of grain or standing grain or the whole field, the one who started the fire must make restitution.

7 “If a man gives his neighbor silver or goods for safekeeping and they are stolen from the neighbor’s house, the thief, if he is caught, must pay back double.

8 But if the thief is not found, the owner of the house must appear before the judges to determine whether he has laid his hands on the other man’s property.

9 In all cases of illegal possession of an ox, a donkey, a sheep, a garment, or any other lost property about which somebody says, ‘This is mine,’ both parties are to bring their cases before the judges. The one whom the judges declare guilty must pay back double to his neighbor.

10 “If a man gives a donkey, an ox, a sheep or any other animal to his neighbor for safekeeping and it dies or is injured or is taken away while no one is looking,

11 the issue between them will be settled by the taking of an oath before the LORD that the neighbor did not lay hands on the other person’s property. The owner is to accept this, and no restitution is required.

Easy way of getting around being a criminal. Just lie.

12 But if the animal was stolen from the neighbor, he must make restitution to the owner.

Not if he takes the oath.

13 If it was torn to pieces by a wild animal, he shall bring in the remains as evidence and he will not be required to pay for the torn animal.

14 “If a man borrows an animal from his neighbor and it is injured or dies while the owner is not present, he must make restitution.

Not if he takes the oath.

15 But if the owner is with the animal, the borrower will not have to pay. If the animal was hired, the money paid for the hire covers the loss.

Social Responsibility

16 “If a man seduces a virgin who is not pledged to be married and sleeps with her, he must pay the bride-price, and she shall be his wife.

What? No thought for what the woman might want? Silly me. I should have known better.  This is the bible, of course they don’t care.

17 If her father absolutely refuses to give her to him, he must still pay the bride-price for virgins.

Which is?

18 “Do not allow a sorceress to live.

Now this is good. God makes laws regarding witches?  Magic is just as mythical as he is so it shouldn’t surprise anyone.  BUT, if there were such things as witches, then God himself must have created them.  Why would he do such a thing? Freakin’ moron.

19 “Anyone who has sexual relations with an animal must be put to death.

It might be ‘icky’ and gross, but death? You do love a drop of blood don’t you!!!

20 “Whoever sacrifices to any god other than the LORD must be destroyed.

How can they if you are the only god? You contradict yourself.  Gotta say it.  MORON!!

21 “Do not mistreat an alien or oppress him, for you were aliens in Egypt.

It never bothered you to mistreat anyone or have your people mistreat others before.

22 “Do not take advantage of a widow or an orphan.

Cool, I like this one.

23 If you do and they cry out to me, I will certainly hear their cry.

But will you do anything about it?  It seems not or there wouldn’t be so many orphan kids being raped by your guys in frocks.

24 My anger will be aroused, and I will kill you with the sword; your wives will become widows and your children fatherless.

You don’t use swords. You get others to use them. Also, if it’s not good to take advantage of widows and orphans, why are you so in favour of creating them yourself?

25 “If you lend money to one of my people among you who is needy, do not be like a moneylender; charge him no interest.

Show me where that guy is and I’ll go borrow money off him.  :)

26 If you take your neighbor’s cloak as a pledge, return it to him by sunset,

What if he hasn’t fulfilled his pledge by that time?

27 because his cloak is the only covering he has for his body. What else will he sleep in? When he cries out to me, I will hear, for I am compassionate.

So anyone that gives a cloak as a pledge mustn’t have any other clothes? Is this also some kind of law?  What happens if he does have other clothes and tries to give his cloak as a pledge?  Will he be unable to do so?  Oh, compassionate? You? It was compassionate to kill all those Egyptians by drowning them was it?

28 “Do not blaspheme God or curse the ruler of your people.

Or what?  Screw you and screw all our leaders.  Waiting…

29 “Do not hold back offerings from your granaries or your vats. “You must give me the firstborn of your sons.

Done!  He’s yours.

30 Do the same with your cattle and your sheep. Let them stay with their mothers for seven days, but give them to me on the eighth day.

For what?  You do sheep?

31 “You are to be my holy people. So do not eat the meat of an animal torn by wild beasts; throw it to the dogs.

Bugger, no road kill either I suppose.

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