Numbers 9: More laws and crap
Numbers: Part 9 of 36
1 The LORD spoke to Moses in the Desert of Sinai in the first month of the second year after they came out of Egypt. He said,
Teach you I can young padawan…
2 “Have the Israelites celebrate the Passover at the appointed time.
Do we get the waving of shaven bits too?
3 Celebrate it at the appointed time, at twilight on the fourteenth day of this month, in accordance with all its rules and regulations.”
4 So Moses told the Israelites to celebrate the Passover,
5 and they did so in the Desert of Sinai at twilight on the fourteenth day of the first month. The Israelites did everything just as the LORD commanded Moses.
What a bunch of sock puppets!
6 But some of them could not celebrate the Passover on that day because they were ceremonially unclean on account of a dead body. So they came to Moses and Aaron that same day
7 and said to Moses, “We have become unclean because of a dead body, but why should we be kept from presenting the LORD’s offering with the other Israelites at the appointed time?”
8 Moses answered them, “Wait until I find out what the LORD commands concerning you.”
9 Then the LORD said to Moses,
You put your left foot in, you take your left foot out, you put your left foot in and you shake it all about! Here endeth the lesson.
10 “Tell the Israelites: ‘When any of you or your descendants are unclean because of a dead body or are away on a journey, they may still celebrate the LORD’s Passover.
11 They are to celebrate it on the fourteenth day of the second month at twilight. They are to eat the lamb, together with unleavened bread and bitter herbs.
Stand on one leg and wiggle your left eyebrow.
12 They must not leave any of it till morning or break any of its bones. When they celebrate the Passover, they must follow all the regulations.
13 But if a man who is ceremonially clean and not on a journey fails to celebrate the Passover, that person must be cut off from his people because he did not present the LORD’s offering at the appointed time. That man will bear the consequences of his sin.
I suppose you could consider being cut off from these people a ‘real’ blessing. At least then you could have an original thought without being ostracised any further.
14 ” ‘An alien living among you who wants to celebrate the LORD’s Passover must do so in accordance with its rules and regulations. You must have the same regulations for the alien and the native-born.’ “
Spock, Alf, ET, are you listening?
The Cloud Above the Tabernacle
15 On the day the tabernacle, the Tent of the Testimony, was set up, the cloud covered it. From evening till morning the cloud above the tabernacle looked like fire.
16 That is how it continued to be; the cloud covered it, and at night it looked like fire.
17 Whenever the cloud lifted from above the Tent, the Israelites set out; wherever the cloud settled, the Israelites encamped.
18 At the LORD’s command the Israelites set out, and at his command they encamped. As long as the cloud stayed over the tabernacle, they remained in camp.
19 When the cloud remained over the tabernacle a long time, the Israelites obeyed the LORD’s order and did not set out.
20 Sometimes the cloud was over the tabernacle only a few days; at the LORD’s command they would encamp, and then at his command they would set out.
21 Sometimes the cloud stayed only from evening till morning, and when it lifted in the morning, they set out. Whether by day or by night, whenever the cloud lifted, they set out.
22 Whether the cloud stayed over the tabernacle for two days or a month or a year, the Israelites would remain in camp and not set out; but when it lifted, they would set out.
23 At the LORD’s command they encamped, and at the LORD’s command they set out. They obeyed the LORD’s order, in accordance with his command through Moses.
A month? A year? What, was God tired? Complete lunacy. What reason could there be for any of this rubbish. Think about it for just a second. If God really wanted them to end up in a certain place, he could just have easily created the beings he wanted and put them in that place to begin with.