Judges 14: You can’t count on Gawd, because Gawd can’t count.
Judges: Part 14 of 21
Samson’s Marriage
1 Samson went down to Timnah and saw there a young Philistine woman.
And verily he thought, “There’s a nice piece of crumpet”.
2 When he returned, he said to his father and mother, “I have seen a Philistine woman in Timnah; now get her for me as my wife.”
3 His father and mother replied, “Isn’t there an acceptable woman among your relatives or among all our people? Must you go to the uncircumcised Philistines to get a wife?” But Samson said to his father, “Get her for me. She’s the right one for me.”
Does ‘Honour thy Father and thy Mother’ ring a bell with anyone here?
4 (His parents did not know that this was from the LORD, who was seeking an occasion to confront the Philistines; for at that time they were ruling over Israel.)
Oh, come on. When has Gawd ever needed a reason to commit mayhem?
5 Samson went down to Timnah together with his father and mother. As they approached the vineyards of Timnah, suddenly a young lion came roaring toward him.
<insert ‘rooooaaaaarrrrr’ here>
6 The Spirit of the LORD came powerfully upon him so that he tore the lion apart with his bare hands as he might have torn a young goat. But he told neither his father nor his mother what he had done.
Now have a read of 5 and 6 again and tell me what you find? Have you got it? If you do see the contradiction, 10 points for you. If you don’t see it, why are you here reading this blog instead of being down on your knees praying to Gawd to give you a brain?
7 Then he went down and talked with the woman, and he liked her.
Because Gawd made him like her.
8 Some time later, when he went back to marry her, he turned aside to look at the lion’s carcass, and in it he saw a swarm of bees and some honey.
In a land with plenty of predators and quite hot weather a carcass is supposed to last long enough for bees to take up residence and make that amount of honey? Sigh…
9 He scooped out the honey with his hands and ate as he went along. When he rejoined his parents, he gave them some, and they too ate it. But he did not tell them that he had taken the honey from the lion’s carcass.
Yeah, sure, the honey wouldn’t taste or smell of rotting lion carcass would it? <facepalm>
10 Now his father went down to see the woman. And there Samson held a feast, as was customary for young men.
11 When the people saw him, they chose thirty men to be his companions.
THEY chose the thirty men. THEY did this, not Samson or his wife. Remember that.
12 “Let me tell you a riddle,” Samson said to them. “If you can give me the answer within the seven days of the feast, I will give you thirty linen garments and thirty sets of clothes.
13 If you can’t tell me the answer, you must give me thirty linen garments and thirty sets of clothes.” “Tell us your riddle,” they said. “Let’s hear it.”
14 He replied, “Out of the eater, something to eat; out of the strong, something sweet.” For three days they could not give the answer.
15 On the fourth day, they said to Samson’s wife, “Coax your husband into explaining the riddle for us, or we will burn you and your father’s household to death. Did you invite us here to steal our property?”
Remembering it still? Whose fault is it?
16 Then Samson’s wife threw herself on him, sobbing, “You hate me! You don’t really love me. You’ve given my people a riddle, but you haven’t told me the answer.” “I haven’t even explained it to my father or mother,” he replied, “so why should I explain it to you?”
How very loyal and honourable she is!
17 She cried the whole seven days of the feast. So on the seventh day he finally told her, because she continued to press him. She in turn explained the riddle to her people.
Let’s do the math. 7 days for the feast. It was on the 4th day that they approached Samson’s wife which leaves 3 days. So why does it say she cried for the whole 7 days?
18 Before sunset on the seventh day the men of the town said to him, “What is sweeter than honey? What is stronger than a lion?” Samson said to them, “If you had not plowed with my heifer, you would not have solved my riddle.”
Plowed with my heifer? Oh how very nice that is. Such caring for the woman he married and with only a week gone by. Gawd made this one in his image alright.
19 Then the Spirit of the LORD came powerfully upon him. He went down to Ashkelon, struck down thirty of their men, stripped them of everything and gave their clothes to those who had explained the riddle. Burning with anger, he returned to his father’s home.
Very, very nice of him. He owes a debt and yet he steals from the innocent to pay it. I feel Gawd’s hand in there too.
20 And Samson’s wife was given to one of his companions who had attended him at the feast.
Yes, very gawdlike that is.