2-Chronicles 21: Haemorrhoids of biblical proportion or cancer of the arse?
2-Chronicles Part 21 of 36
1 Jehoshaphat slept with his fathers, and was buried with his fathers in the city of David: and Jehoram his son reigned in his place.
Bye bye Phatboy!
2 He had brothers, the sons of Jehoshaphat: Azariah, and Jehiel, and Zechariah, and Azariah, and Michael, and Shephatiah; all these were the sons of Jehoshaphat king of Israel.
3 Their father gave them great gifts, of silver, and of gold, and of precious things, with fortified cities in Judah: but the kingdom gave he to Jehoram, because he was the firstborn.
An accident of birth. Great way to decide who gets what.
4 Now when Jehoram was risen up over the kingdom of his father, and had strengthened himself, he killed all his brothers with the sword, and various also of the princes of Israel.
Oh, oh, such a great man. I’m in awe. NOT!
5 Jehoram was thirty-two years old when he began to reign; and he reigned eight years in Jerusalem.
6 He walked in the way of the kings of Israel, as did the house of Ahab; for he had the daughter of Ahab as wife: and he did that which was evil in the sight of Yahweh.
7 However Yahweh would not destroy the house of David, because of the covenant that he had made with David, and as he promised to give a lamp to him and to his children always.
There’s the problem with promises without proviso. These idiots get to do whatever they like and Head Dork supports them.
8 In his days Edom revolted from under the hand of Judah, and made a king over themselves.
9 Then Jehoram passed over with his captains, and all his chariots with him: and he rose up by night, and struck the Edomites who surrounded him, along with the captains of the chariots.
10 So Edom revolted from under the hand of Judah to this day: then Libnah revolted at the same time from under his hand, because he had forsaken Yahweh, the God of his fathers.
11 Moreover he made high places in the mountains of Judah, and made the inhabitants of Jerusalem to play the prostitute, and led Judah astray.
12 A letter came to him from Elijah the prophet, saying, “Thus says Yahweh, the God of David your father, ‘Because you have not walked in the ways of Jehoshaphat your father, nor in the ways of Asa king of Judah,
13 but have walked in the way of the kings of Israel, and have made Judah and the inhabitants of Jerusalem to play the prostitute, like the house of Ahab did, and also have slain your brothers of your father’s house, who were better than yourself:
14 behold, Yahweh will strike with a great plague your people, and your children, and your wives, and all your substance;
And then the support stops. Why? Didn’t we just get told it wouldn’t?
15 and you shall have great sickness by disease of your bowels, until your bowels fall out by reason of the sickness, day by day.’”
Haemorrhoids of Biblical Proportion? Cancer of the Arse? Nasty bastard this guy.
16 Yahweh stirred up against Jehoram the spirit of the Philistines, and of the Arabians who are beside the Ethiopians:
17 and they came up against Judah, and broke into it, and carried away all the substance that was found in the king’s house, and his sons also, and his wives; so that there was never a son left him, except Jehoahaz, the youngest of his sons.
18 After all this Yahweh struck him in his bowels with an incurable disease.
Struck who? The way this reads it could be either Jehoram or Jehoahaz.
19 It happened, in process of time, at the end of two years, that his bowels fell out by reason of his sickness, and he died of severe diseases. His people made no burning for him, like the burning of his fathers.
20 Thirty-two years old was he when he began to reign, and he reigned in Jerusalem eight years: and he departed without being desired; and they buried him in the city of David, but not in the tombs of the kings.
Wow! I’m truly at a loss for words.