2-Chronicles 25: The Bible: How to be a better arsehole!
2-Chronicles Part 25 of 36
1 Amaziah was twenty-five years old when he began to reign; and he reigned twenty-nine years in Jerusalem: and his mother’s name was Jehoaddan, of Jerusalem.
This is when it happened and who he was.
2 He did that which was right in the eyes of Yahweh, but not with a perfect heart.
This is the bit where they say that he did it but not too well.
3 Now it happened, when the kingdom was established to him, that he killed his servants who had killed the king his father.
And as is nearly always the case, followed by some taking of life.
4 But he didn’t put their children to death, but did according to that which is written in the law in the book of Moses, as Yahweh commanded, saying, “The fathers shall not die for the children, neither shall the children die for the fathers; but every man shall die for his own sin.”
Murder is fine as long as you do it God’s way.
5 Moreover Amaziah gathered Judah together, and ordered them according to their fathers’ houses, under captains of thousands and captains of hundreds, even all Judah and Benjamin: and he numbered them from twenty years old and upward, and found them three hundred thousand chosen men, able to go forth to war, who could handle spear and shield.
Ah war! Couldn’t go long without that could we!!!
6 He hired also one hundred thousand mighty men of valor out of Israel for one hundred talents of silver.
7 A man of God came to him, saying, “O king, don’t let the army of Israel go with you; for Yahweh is not with Israel, with all the children of Ephraim.
Of course not. God is about as fickle as you can get. You can’t trust him.
8 But if you will go, take action, be strong for the battle. God will overthrow you before the enemy; for God has power to help, and to overthrow.”
9 Amaziah said to the man of God, “But what shall we do for the hundred talents which I have given to the army of Israel?”
The man of God answered, “Yahweh is able to give you much more than this.”
Bribery from God!!! I’m shocked!!! 
10 Then Amaziah separated them, the army that had come to him out of Ephraim, to go home again: therefore their anger was greatly kindled against Judah, and they returned home in fierce anger.
11 Amaziah took courage, and led forth his people, and went to the Valley of Salt, and struck ten thousand of the children of Seir.
What’s ten thousand lives to God? Just a mornings work. Enough for a giggle or two before the big battle I suppose.
12 The children of Judah carry away ten thousand alive, and brought them to the top of the rock, and threw them down from the top of the rock, so that they all were broken in pieces.
There you go. Another ten thousand killed mercilessly.
13 But the men of the army whom Amaziah sent back, that they should not go with him to battle, fell on the cities of Judah, from Samaria even to Beth Horon, and struck of them three thousand, and took much spoil.
Karma dude!
14 Now it happened, after that Amaziah had come from the slaughter of the Edomites, that he brought the gods of the children of Seir, and set them up to be his gods, and bowed down himself before them, and burned incense to them.
This is yet another example of sheer stupidity. We are expected to believe that the guy who listened to God’s word and did as he was told, would then turn around and start bowing down to the gods that couldn’t even defend the people he just defeated. Morons. Sheer freaking morons!!! Then again, the sheeple probably are stupid enough to believe this crap.
15 Therefore the anger of Yahweh was kindled against Amaziah, and he sent to him a prophet, who said to him, “Why have you sought after the gods of the people, which have not delivered their own people out of your hand?”
What? God doesn’t know this stuff already? I’m shocked!!!
16 It happened, as he talked with him, that the king said to him, “Have we made you one of the king’s counselors? Stop! Why should you be struck down?”
Then the prophet stopped, and said, “I know that God has determined to destroy you, because you have done this, and have not listened to my counsel.”
17 Then Amaziah king of Judah consulted his advisers, and sent to Joash, the son of Jehoahaz the son of Jehu, king of Israel, saying, “Come, let us look one another in the face.”
18 Joash king of Israel sent to Amaziah king of Judah, saying, “The thistle that was in Lebanon sent to the cedar that was in Lebanon, saying, ‘Give your daughter to my son as his wife; then a wild animal that was in Lebanon passed by, and trampled down the thistle.
19 You say to yourself that you have struck Edom; and your heart lifts you up to boast. Now stay at home. Why should you meddle with trouble, that you should fall, even you, and Judah with you?’”
20 But Amaziah would not listen; for it was of God, that he might deliver them into the hand of their enemies, because they had sought after the gods of Edom.
So God forces Amaziah to make even bigger mistakes. Nice one God. Arsehole!
21 So Joash king of Israel went up; and he and Amaziah king of Judah looked one another in the face at Beth Shemesh, which belongs to Judah.
22 Judah was defeated by Israel; and they fled every man to his tent.
23 Joash king of Israel took Amaziah king of Judah, the son of Joash the son of Jehoahaz, at Beth Shemesh, and brought him to Jerusalem, and broke down the wall of Jerusalem from the gate of Ephraim to the corner gate, four hundred cubits.
24 He took all the gold and silver, and all the vessels that were found in God’s house with Obed-Edom, and the treasures of the king’s house, the hostages also, and returned to Samaria.
Of course there is the vengeance and slavery and looting. Can’t have a good biblical tale without them.
25 Amaziah the son of Joash king of Judah lived after the death of Joash son of Jehoahaz king of Israel fifteen years.
26 Now the rest of the acts of Amaziah, first and last, behold, aren’t they written in the book of the kings of Judah and Israel?
Who cares? If those stories are as lame as all these it would be pretty bad reading.
27 Now from the time that Amaziah turned away from following Yahweh, they made a conspiracy against him in Jerusalem. He fled to Lachish; but they sent after him to Lachish, and killed him there.
Yep, they have to die sometime. It’s not as if anyone gets out of that bit.
28 They brought him on horses, and buried him with his fathers in the city of Judah.
So? Still no moral to the story. It’s been the same story over and over all the way through Kings 1 and 2 and now through Chronicles 1 and 2. Blah, blah, blah. Where are the morals? This is more like a story of how to be an evil dictator and get yourself killed.