Nehemiah 1: Poor diddums is all upset.
Nehemiah Part 1 of 13
1 The words of Nehemiah son of Hakaliah:
Yet another voice from the peanut gallery.
In the month of Kislev in the twentieth year, while I was in the citadel of Susa,
2 Hanani, one of my brothers, came from Judah with some other men, and I questioned them about the Jewish remnant that had survived the exile, and also about Jerusalem.
3 They said to me, “Those who survived the exile and are back in the province are in great trouble and disgrace. The wall of Jerusalem is broken down, and its gates have been burned with fire.”
Wow, when did this happen. It wasn’t anywhere in Ezra.
4 When I heard these things, I sat down and wept. For some days I mourned and fasted and prayed before the God of heaven.
Fragile little flower, isn’t he!
5 Then I said:
“LORD, the God of heaven, the great and awesome God, who keeps his covenant of love with those who love him and keep his commandments,
But shits on them if they even think of farting in the wrong direction. The awesome guy who punishes everyone for the mistakes of just one person. The love he shows as kids get their foreskins cut off with blunt instruments under filthy conditions is so overpowering it amazes me.
6 let your ear be attentive and your eyes open to hear the prayer your servant is praying before you day and night for your servants, the people of Israel. I confess the sins we Israelites, including myself and my father’s family, have committed against you.
7 We have acted very wickedly toward you. We have not obeyed the commands, decrees and laws you gave your servant Moses.
What kind of person, let alone a deity, sets themselves up to hear all your dirty secrets? Why would they want to? Do they get off on it?
8 “Remember the instruction you gave your servant Moses, saying, ‘If you are unfaithful, I will scatter you among the nations,
Well, that’s a nobrainer. That would happen slowly whether he stepped in or not. People move dude. Get over yourself.
9 but if you return to me and obey my commands, then even if your exiled people are at the farthest horizon, I will gather them from there and bring them to the place I have chosen as a dwelling for my Name.’
Yeah, I could just imagine all the Jews trying to congregate in one place these days.
10 “They are your servants and your people, whom you redeemed by your great strength and your mighty hand.
11 Lord, let your ear be attentive to the prayer of this your servant and to the prayer of your servants who delight in revering your name. Give your servant success today by granting him favor in the presence of this man.”
Now I was cupbearer to the king.
The book of Nehemiah is about a guy who holds the kings coffee mug for him? We’ll see.