Job 38: If you can’t beat them, ask dumb questions.
Job Part 38 of 42
1 Then Yahweh answered Job out of the whirlwind,
2 “Who is this who darkens counsel
by words without knowledge?
Just a man who trusted you. A man you let down.
3 Brace yourself like a man,
for I will question you, then you answer me!
Unnecessary. You should know the answers already.
4 “Where were you when I laid the foundations of the earth?
Declare, if you have understanding.
5 Who determined its measures, if you know?
Or who stretched the line on it?
Not you.
6 Whereupon were its foundations fastened?
Or who laid its cornerstone,
Not you.
7 when the morning stars sang together,
and all the sons of God shouted for joy?
8 “Or who shut up the sea with doors,
when it broke forth from the womb,
9 when I made clouds its garment,
and wrapped it in thick darkness,
10 marked out for it my bound,
set bars and doors,
11 and said, ‘Here you may come, but no further.
Here your proud waves shall be stayed?’
Certainly not you.
12 “Have you commanded the morning in your days,
and caused the dawn to know its place;
13 that it might take hold of the ends of the earth,
and shake the wicked out of it?
I have as much chance of doing that as do you. At least I’m real.
14 It is changed as clay under the seal,
and stands forth as a garment.
15 From the wicked, their light is withheld.
The high arm is broken.
16 “Have you entered into the springs of the sea?
Or have you walked in the recesses of the deep?
17 Have the gates of death been revealed to you?
Or have you seen the gates of the shadow of death?
Nobody has if they are being honest with themselves.
18 Have you comprehended the earth in its breadth?
Declare, if you know it all.
19 “What is the way to the dwelling of light?
As for darkness, where is its place,
Just over here near my light switch.
20 that you should take it to its bound,
that you should discern the paths to its house?
21 Surely you know, for you were born then,
and the number of your days is great!
The number of my days has not been determined.
22 Have you entered the treasuries of the snow,
or have you seen the treasures of the hail,
23 which I have reserved against the time of trouble,
against the day of battle and war?
24 By what way is the lightning distributed,
or the east wind scattered on the earth?
Neither am I a meteorologist, but we do have them and they know all this stuff.
25 Who has cut a channel for the flood water,
or the path for the thunderstorm;
Channels for floodwater has been done by man.
26 To cause it to rain on a land where no man is;
on the wilderness, in which there is no man;
If there is no man there, there is no proof it has been done.
27 to satisfy the waste and desolate ground,
to cause the tender grass to spring forth?
I just have to turn on the sprinkler dude.
28 Does the rain have a father?
Or who fathers the drops of dew?
29 Out of whose womb came the ice?
The gray frost of the sky, who has given birth to it?
Mother Nature? 
30 The waters become hard like stone,
when the surface of the deep is frozen.
31 “Can you bind the cluster of the Pleiades,
or loosen the cords of Orion?
No, and neither can you.
32 Can you lead forth the constellations in their season?
Or can you guide the Bear with her cubs?
I can track them now.
33 Do you know the laws of the heavens?
We’re getting there.
Can you establish its dominion over the earth?
34 “Can you lift up your voice to the clouds,
That abundance of waters may cover you?
35 Can you send forth lightnings, that they may go?
Do they report to you, ‘Here we are?’
You hear voices too? Lunatic.
36 Who has put wisdom in the inward parts?
Or who has given understanding to the mind?
37 Who can number the clouds by wisdom?
Or who can pour out the bottles of the sky,
38 when the dust runs into a mass,
and the clods of earth stick together?
This would be much simpler if you got your translators to do a better job.
39 “Can you hunt the prey for the lioness,
or satisfy the appetite of the young lions,
40 when they crouch in their dens,
and lie in wait in the thicket?
No, and neither can you.
41 Who provides for the raven his prey,
when his young ones cry to God,
and wander for lack of food?
The Raven does, fool.