Psalm 44: Don’t be a dick!
Psalms Part 44 of 150
For the Chief Musician. By the sons of Korah. A contemplative psalm.
1 We have heard with our ears, God;
our fathers have told us,
what work you did in their days,
in the days of old.
I hope you’re as disgusted as I am then.
2 You drove out the nations with your hand,
but you planted them.
You afflicted the peoples,
but you spread them abroad.
Pretty nasty of him wasn’t it!
3 For they didn’t get the land in possession by their own sword,
neither did their own arm save them;
but your right hand, and your arm, and the light of your face,
because you were favorable to them.
What about those who were dispossessed? Don’t you care about them?
4 You are my King, God.
Command victories for Jacob!
Puppetmaster is the word you’re looking for.
5 Through you, will we push down our adversaries.
Through your name, will we tread them under who rise up against us.
Violence and murder, not only in the name of religion, but because of it.
6 For I will not trust in my bow,
neither shall my sword save me.
7 But you have saved us from our adversaries,
and have shamed those who hate us.
You should be ashamed for treating people in that manner.
8 In God we have made our boast all day long,
we will give thanks to your name forever.
Selah.
9 But now you rejected us, and brought us to dishonor,
and don’t go out with our armies.
Quite a fickle bastard isn’t he!
10 You make us turn back from the adversary.
Those who hate us take plunder for themselves.
What is that saying? As you sow, so shall ye reap! 
11 You have made us like sheep for food,
and have scattered us among the nations.
Maybe if you were decent people and treated others properly this wouldn’t have happened to you. You truly deserve it.
12 You sell your people for nothing,
and have gained nothing from their sale.
13 You make us a reproach to our neighbors,
a scoffing and a derision to those who are around us.
Just desserts?
14 You make us a byword among the nations,
a shaking of the head among the peoples.
15 All day long my dishonor is before me,
and shame covers my face,
As it should. Are you learning a lesson here?
16 At the taunt of one who reproaches and verbally abuses,
because of the enemy and the avenger.
17 All this has come on us,
yet have we not forgotten you,
Neither have we been false to your covenant.
All because you’re a bunch of losers who backed the wrong guy.
18 Our heart has not turned back,
neither have our steps strayed from your path,
19 Though you have crushed us in the haunt of jackals,
and covered us with the shadow of death.
If that were really true we wouldn’t be hearing from you now.
20 If we have forgotten the name of our God,
or spread out our hands to a strange god;
21 won’t God search this out?
For he knows the secrets of the heart.
22 Yes, for your sake we are killed all day long.
We are regarded as sheep for the slaughter.
As your enemies were considered by you.
23 Wake up!
Why do you sleep, Lord?
Arise!
Don’t reject us forever.
Be a dick, get treated like a dick.
24 Why do you hide your face,
and forget our affliction and our oppression?
Because you’re a bunch of dicks.
25 For our soul is bowed down to the dust.
Our body clings to the earth.
26 Rise up to help us.
Redeem us for your loving kindness’ sake.
Noooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooo!