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  • DistroMan 20:00 on January 15, 2012 Permalink
    Tags: , , David, , , , , , , , , , , , Solomon,   

    Psalm 72: The only magic in the bible? The amount of shit in such a small container! 

    Psalms Part 72 of 150

    By Solomon.

    1 God, give the king your justice;

    your righteousness to the royal son.

    2 He will judge your people with righteousness,

    and your poor with justice.

    This speaks volumes.  The poor have to be listed separately from ‘his people’.

    3 The mountains shall bring prosperity to the people.

    Mountains ‘do’ nothing.

    The hills bring the fruit of righteousness.

    Hills ‘do’ nothing.

    4 He will judge the poor of the people.

    You already said that.

    He will save the children of the needy,

    and will break the oppressor in pieces.

    Hasn’t always happened.

    5 They shall fear you while the sun endures;

    Why is fear such a necessary part of Christianity?

    and as long as the moon, throughout all generations.

    6 He will come down like rain on the mown grass,

    as showers that water the earth.

    7 In his days, the righteous shall flourish,

    and abundance of peace, until the moon is no more.

    You died before the moon, so you haven’t kept your word.  Not surprising.  This is the bible after all.

    8 He shall have dominion also from sea to sea,

    from the River to the ends of the earth.

    You didn’t even know how big the earth was then.  You still thought it was flat.  Fricking moron.

    9 Those who dwell in the wilderness shall bow before him.

    His enemies shall lick the dust.

    Why not talk of compassion and peace with your enemies.  Make them enemies no more?

    10 The kings of Tarshish and of the islands will bring tribute.

    The kings of Sheba and Seba shall offer gifts.

    11 Yes, all kings shall fall down before him.

    All nations shall serve him.

    You don’t even know about all the nations.

    12 For he will deliver the needy when he cries;

    the poor, who has no helper.

    13 He will have pity on the poor and needy.

    He will save the souls of the needy.

    14 He will redeem their soul from oppression and violence.

    Their blood will be precious in his sight.

    If that were possible, then it could have and should have happened a lot earlier.  In fact, there should be no needy people.  So why does he want needy people?

    15 They shall live, and to him shall be given of the gold of Sheba.

    Men shall pray for him continually.

    They shall bless him all day long.

    That would make it hard to work and look after your family.  But why would Gawd care.  As long as he gets loved, he doesn’t care about humanity.

    16 Abundance of grain shall be throughout the land.

    Its fruit sways like Lebanon.

    Let it flourish, thriving like the grass of the field.

    He could make that happen at any time.  He could have made it that way from the very beginning, so ask your Gawd why he allows so much suffering?  Why does he create poor, needy, malnourished children?

    17 His name endures forever.

    His name continues as long as the sun.

    Men shall be blessed by him.

    All nations will call him blessed.

    Nope. Hasn’t and won’t happen.

    18 Praise be to Yahweh God, the God of Israel,

    who alone does marvelous deeds.

    19 Blessed be his glorious name forever!

    Let the whole earth be filled with his glory!

    Amen and amen.

    20 This ends the prayers by David, the son of Jesse.

    Well that’s good, but this one wasn’t David’s.  It was Solomon’s.  Or is the first line the lie?

    << Psalm 71      Index      Psalm 73 >>

     

  • DistroMan 20:00 on January 7, 2012 Permalink
    Tags: , , David, , , , , , , , , ,   

    Psalm 64: Hear Ye! Hear Ye! Mr Whineypants is about to spew forth! 

    Psalms Part 64 of 150

    For the Chief Musician. A Psalm by David.

    1 Hear my voice, God, in my complaint.

    Spare us your dribble.

    Preserve my life from fear of the enemy.

    That makes no sense.

    2 Hide me from the conspiracy of the wicked,

    from the noisy crowd of the ones doing evil;

    God and his priests?

    3 who sharpen their tongue like a sword

    and aim their arrows, deadly words,

    4 to shoot innocent men from ambushes.

    They shoot at him suddenly and fearlessly.

    Isn’t bearing false witness supposed to be a sin?

    5 They encourage themselves in evil plans.

    They talk about laying snares secretly.

    Then how do you know?  My guess is that you are talking from experience and blaming others for all the same things you have done.

    They say, “Who will see them?”

    6 They plot injustice, saying, “We have made a perfect plan!”

    What is it you say when you think your gawd is going to help you win a battle?

    Surely man’s mind and heart are cunning.

    7 But God will shoot at them.

    With what?

    They will be suddenly struck down with an arrow.

    Gawd has a bow and arrow?

    8 Their own tongues shall ruin them.

    All who see them will shake their heads.

    9 All mankind shall be afraid.

    Which is something humanity should not feel because of a supposed deity.

    They shall declare the work of God,

    and shall wisely ponder what he has done.

    That would take all of, um, about, ah, no time whatsoever!!!

    10 The righteous shall be glad in Yahweh,

    and shall take refuge in him.

    All the upright in heart shall praise him!

    Pathetic mindless morons.

    << Psalm 63      Index      Psalm 65 >>

     

     

  • DistroMan 20:00 on December 8, 2011 Permalink
    Tags: , David, , , , , , , , , ,   

    Psalm 35: I am David, hear me whine! 

    Psalms Part 35 of 150

    By David.

    1 Contend, Yahweh, with those who contend with me.

    Fight against those who fight against me.

    Only thinking of yourself as usual.

    2 Take hold of shield and buckler,

    and stand up for my help.

    Me, me, me, all the time.

    3 Brandish the spear and block those who pursue me.

    Tell my soul, “I am your salvation.”

    4 Let those who seek after my soul be disappointed and brought to dishonor.

    Let those who plot my ruin be turned back and confounded.

    Revenge is so ugly.

    5 Let them be as chaff before the wind,

    Yahweh’s angel driving them on.

    6 Let their way be dark and slippery,

    Yahweh’s angel pursuing them.

    So all you really want is Yahweh to do your dirty work for you.

    7 For without cause they have hidden their net in a pit for me.

    Without cause they have dug a pit for my soul.

    Without cause?  Have a look at your life and the things you have done.

    8 Let destruction come on him unawares.

    Let his net that he has hidden catch himself.

    Let him fall into that destruction.

    9 My soul shall be joyful in Yahweh.

    It shall rejoice in his salvation.

    10 All my bones shall say, “Yahweh, who is like you,

    who delivers the poor from him who is too strong for him;

    yes, the poor and the needy from him who robs him?”

    If Yahweh was even half as powerful as the bible says, then there shouldn’t be poor or needy people.

    11 Unrighteous witnesses rise up.

    They ask me about things that I don’t know about.

    12 They reward me evil for good,

    to the bereaving of my soul.

    13 But as for me, when they were sick, my clothing was sackcloth.

    I afflicted my soul with fasting.

    My prayer returned into my own bosom.

    14 I behaved myself as though it had been my friend or my brother.

    I bowed down mourning, as one who mourns his mother.

    15 But in my adversity, they rejoiced, and gathered themselves together.

    The attackers gathered themselves together against me, and I didn’t know it.

    They tore at me, and didn’t cease.

    Who made them that way?  In whose image are they made?  Who commands them?  Who allows them to behave in this manner?

    16 Like the profane mockers in feasts,

    they gnashed their teeth at me.

    17 Lord, how long will you look on?

    Rescue my soul from their destruction,

    my precious life from the lions.

    If you were all you make yourself out to be, why has Yahweh allowed you to fall so far as to have so many enemies?  Why has he forsaken you?

    18 I will give you thanks in the great assembly.

    I will praise you among many people.

    Bribing God?

    19 Don’t let those who are my enemies wrongfully rejoice over me;

    neither let those who hate me without a cause wink their eyes.

    Why would they hate you without cause?

    20 For they don’t speak peace,

    but they devise deceitful words against those who are quiet in the land.

    21 Yes, they opened their mouth wide against me.

    They said, “Aha! Aha! Our eye has seen it!”

    22 You have seen it, Yahweh. Don’t keep silent.

    Lord, don’t be far from me.

    23 Wake up! Rise up to defend me, my God!

    My Lord, contend for me!

    You are King and you can’t defend yourself?  You can’t rule your own kingdom?

    24 Vindicate me, Yahweh my God, according to your righteousness.

    Don’t let them gloat over me.

    25 Don’t let them say in their heart, “Aha! That’s the way we want it!”

    Don’t let them say, “We have swallowed him up!”

    Sticks and stones dude.

    26 Let them be disappointed and confounded together who rejoice at my calamity.

    Let them be clothed with shame and dishonor who magnify themselves against me.

    Why should God give you what you wish when it is only the same as what your enemies wish?

    27 Let them shout for joy and be glad, who favor my righteous cause.

    It’s hard to trust anyone who calls his own cause righteous.

    Yes, let them say continually, “Yahweh be magnified,

    who has pleasure in the prosperity of his servant!”

    28 My tongue shall talk about your righteousness and about your praise all day long.

    Crawler.

    << Psalm 34      Index      Psalm 36 >>

     

  • DistroMan 20:00 on November 22, 2011 Permalink
    Tags: , David, , , , , , , , , ,   

    Psalm 22: Would you give God a job with his resumé? 

    Psalms Part 22 of 150

    For the Chief Musician; set to “The Doe of the Morning.” A Psalm by David.

    1 My God, my God, why have you forsaken me?

    Because you’re a whineyarsed dick.

    Why are you so far from helping me, and from the words of my groaning?

    Maybe because you carry on like he loves you and does everything for you one minute and then cry like a baby the next complaining that he hates you.

    2 My God, I cry in the daytime, but you don’t answer;

    in the night season, and am not silent.

    See, you never shutup.  That would piss anybody off.

    3 But you are holy,

    you who inhabit the praises of Israel.

    4 Our fathers trusted in you.

    They trusted, and you delivered them.

    Way too often it was into the hands of their enemies.

    5 They cried to you, and were delivered.

    They trusted in you, and were not disappointed.

    6 But I am a worm, and no man;

    a reproach of men, and despised by the people.

    In life you get what you deserve sometimes.

    7 All those who see me mock me.

    They insult me with their lips. They shake their heads, saying,

    8 “He trusts in Yahweh;

    let him deliver him.

    Let him rescue him, since he delights in him.”

    9 But you brought me out of the womb.

    You made me trust at my mother’s breasts.

    10 I was thrown on you from my mother’s womb.

    You are my God since my mother bore me.

    You seem to have a mother complex.  Freud would love you.

    11 Don’t be far from me, for trouble is near.

    For there is no one to help.

    12 Many bulls have surrounded me.

    Strong bulls of Bashan have encircled me.

    13 They open their mouths wide against me,

    lions tearing prey and roaring.

    Hmmm? What could the reason be?

    14 I am poured out like water.

    All my bones are out of joint.

    My heart is like wax;

    it is melted within me.

    Where is your god now?

    15 My strength is dried up like a potsherd.

    My tongue sticks to the roof of my mouth.

    You have brought me into the dust of death.

    16 For dogs have surrounded me.

    A company of evildoers have enclosed me.

    They have pierced my hands and feet.

    Bulls, lions and now dogs?  Animals aren’t your best friends are they!

    17 I can count all of my bones.

    They look and stare at me.

    18 They divide my garments among them.

    They cast lots for my clothing.

    19 But don’t be far off, Yahweh.

    You are my help: hurry to help me.

    Omnipresent remember.  He is already there.  If he’s not helping, it’s by choice.

    20 Deliver my soul from the sword,

    my precious life from the power of the dog.

    21 Save me from the lion’s mouth!

    Yes, from the horns of the wild oxen, you have answered me.

    Woohooooo, wild oxen too.

    22 I will declare your name to my brothers.

    In the midst of the assembly, I will praise you.

    Crawler.

    23 You who fear Yahweh, praise him!

    All you descendants of Jacob, glorify him!

    Stand in awe of him, all you descendants of Israel!

    24 For he has not despised nor abhorred the affliction of the afflicted,

    Neither has he hidden his face from him;

    but when he cried to him, he heard.

    25 Of you comes my praise in the great assembly.

    I will pay my vows before those who fear him.

    26 The humble shall eat and be satisfied.

    They shall praise Yahweh who seek after him.

    Let your hearts live forever.

    You were complaining of not getting his help.  Now your praising him.  What the hell for?

    27 All the ends of the earth shall remember and turn to Yahweh.

    All the relatives of the nations shall worship before you.

    28 For the kingdom is Yahweh’s.

    He is the ruler over the nations.

    Despot!

    29 All the rich ones of the earth shall eat and worship.

    While the poor starve to death as he watches.

    All those who go down to the dust shall bow before him,

    even he who can’t keep his soul alive.

    30 Posterity shall serve him.

    Future generations shall be told about the Lord.

    They will laugh and ignore the silly stories if they have a brain.

    31 They shall come and shall declare his righteousness to a people that shall be born,

    for he has done it.

    Done nothing.  Not a thing.  That is his CV/Resume.  Useless Mythical Creature.  Moron.

    << Psalm 21      Index      Psalm 23 >>

     

  • DistroMan 20:00 on November 3, 2011 Permalink
    Tags: , David, , , , , , , ,   

    Psalm 3: Save me, save me! Poor diddums. 

    Psalms Part 3 of 150

    A Psalm by David, when he fled from Absalom his son.

    So it’s really just another rehash to use up space.  Get ready for boring!

    1 Yahweh, how my adversaries have increased!

    Many are those who rise up against me.

    When you wage war, you should expect resistance.

    2 Many there are who say of my soul,

    “There is no help for him in God.”

    It shouldn’t matter what people say if you know you are doing the right thing.  Do you know that?  No?  I didn’t think so.

    Selah.

    3 But you, Yahweh, are a shield around me,

    If he really was a shield around you, then you wouldn’t have to cry out to be saved.  Oh, sorry, I’m giving it away.  Read on.  :)

    my glory, and the one who lifts up my head.

    You need a protector from the people you’ve hurt?

    4 I cry to Yahweh with my voice,

    and he answers me out of his holy hill.

    Selah.

    5 I laid myself down and slept.

    I awakened; for Yahweh sustains me.

    If you were a good person without all the faults brought on by following Gawd, you could sustain yourself.

    6 I will not be afraid of tens of thousands of people

    who have set themselves against me on every side.

    Oh?  Is that why you cry out to Gawd as you do?

    7 Arise, Yahweh!

    Save me, my God!

    See, you are afraid.  Save me, save me!  Poor diddums.

    For you have struck all of my enemies on the cheek bone.

    You have broken the teeth of the wicked.

    I’ll let you in on a little secret dude.  He abandons you too, in the end.

    8 Salvation belongs to Yahweh.

    Your blessing be on your people.

    What exactly is a blessing?

    Selah.

    << Psalm 2      Index      Psalm 4 >>

     

  • DistroMan 20:00 on March 26, 2011 Permalink
    Tags: , Abner, , , David, , , , , , , , , , , ,   

    2-Samuel 2: All together now everybody, grab, thrust and fall. 

    2-Samuel: Part 2 of 24
    David Anointed King Over Judah

    1 In the course of time, David inquired of the LORD. “Shall I go up to one of the towns of Judah?” he asked.

    His reason for asking would be nice…

    The LORD said, “Go up.”

    And Yay, they skipped along merrily for that was their wont…

    David asked, “Where shall I go?”

    “To Hebron,” the LORD answered.

    And so they continued happily along their way until all of a sudden…

    2 So David went up there with his two wives, Ahinoam of Jezreel and Abigail, the widow of Nabal of Carmel.

    3 David also took the men who were with him, each with his family, and they settled in Hebron and its towns.

    4 Then the men of Judah came to Hebron, and there they anointed David king over the tribe of Judah.

    Why?

    When David was told that it was the men from Jabesh Gilead who had buried Saul,

    5 he sent messengers to them to say to them, “The LORD bless you for showing this kindness to Saul your master by burying him.

    What about the kindness the Amalekite showed Saul by ending his suffering?  You killed him!

    6 May the LORD now show you kindness and faithfulness, and I too will show you the same favor because you have done this.

    Ah, so that’s it!  The Amalekite did Saul a favour so you did him a favour by killing him instead of making him suffer through life?  Hmmmm!

    7 Now then, be strong and brave, for Saul your master is dead, and the people of Judah have anointed me king over them.”

    I wonder how many think that is a good thing after all your kindness you’ve been showing the Philistines, the Amalekites, the Geshurites and the Girzites.

    War Between the Houses of David and Saul

    8 Meanwhile, Abner son of Ner, the commander of Saul’s army, had taken Ish-Bosheth son of Saul and brought him over to Mahanaim.

    9 He made him king over Gilead, Ashuri and Jezreel, and also over Ephraim, Benjamin and all Israel.

    How can it be all Israel if David is King over Judah?

    10 Ish-Bosheth son of Saul was forty years old when he became king over Israel, and he reigned two years. The tribe of Judah, however, remained loyal to David.

    11 The length of time David was king in Hebron over Judah was seven years and six months.

    12 Abner son of Ner, together with the men of Ish-Bosheth son of Saul, left Mahanaim and went to Gibeon.

    13 Joab son of Zeruiah and David’s men went out and met them at the pool of Gibeon. One group sat down on one side of the pool and one group on the other side.

    14 Then Abner said to Joab, “Let’s have some of the young men get up and fight hand to hand in front of us.”

    “All right, let them do it,” Joab said.

    15 So they stood up and were counted off—twelve men for Benjamin and Ish-Bosheth son of Saul, and twelve for David.

    For what reason?  Their amusement?

    16 Then each man grabbed his opponent by the head and thrust his dagger into his opponent’s side, and they fell down together. So that place in Gibeon was called Helkath Hazzurim.

    How very coincidental that was. Twenty Four men all the the same idea at the same time?  Give me a break.  Freaking moronic book.

    17 The battle that day was very fierce, and Abner and the Israelites were defeated by David’s men.

    18 The three sons of Zeruiah were there: Joab, Abishai and Asahel. Now Asahel was as fleet-footed as a wild gazelle.

    19 He chased Abner, turning neither to the right nor to the left as he pursued him.

    20 Abner looked behind him and asked, “Is that you, Asahel?”

    “It is,” he answered.

    We’re going to have a conversation while trying to kill each other?

    21 Then Abner said to him, “Turn aside to the right or to the left; take on one of the young men and strip him of his weapons.” But Asahel would not stop chasing him.

    22 Again Abner warned Asahel, “Stop chasing me! Why should I strike you down? How could I look your brother Joab in the face?”

    23 But Asahel refused to give up the pursuit; so Abner thrust the butt of his spear into Asahel’s stomach, and the spear came out through his back. He fell there and died on the spot. And every man stopped when he came to the place where Asahel had fallen and died.

    Oh, I’d love to see that.  The butt of the spear all the way through while running away?  Highly unlikely.

    24 But Joab and Abishai pursued Abner, and as the sun was setting, they came to the hill of Ammah, near Giah on the way to the wasteland of Gibeon.

    25 Then the men of Benjamin rallied behind Abner. They formed themselves into a group and took their stand on top of a hill.

    26 Abner called out to Joab, “Must the sword devour forever? Don’t you realize that this will end in bitterness? How long before you order your men to stop pursuing their fellow Israelites?”

    It might have been a good idea to think of that before starting to fight in the first place and not just when your own life is on the line.

    27 Joab answered, “As surely as God lives, if you had not spoken, the men would have continued pursuing them until morning.”

    28 So Joab blew the trumpet, and all the troops came to a halt; they no longer pursued Israel, nor did they fight anymore.

    29 All that night Abner and his men marched through the Arabah. They crossed the Jordan, continued through the morning hours and came to Mahanaim.

    30 Then Joab stopped pursuing Abner and assembled the whole army. Besides Asahel, nineteen of David’s men were found missing.

    31 But David’s men had killed three hundred and sixty Benjamites who were with Abner.

    32 They took Asahel and buried him in his father’s tomb at Bethlehem. Then Joab and his men marched all night and arrived at Hebron by daybreak.

    Ah, so the massacring of so many men was so you could march all night and what?  That was it?  This must be one of those cliff hangers you get on the tv soaps.  :)

    << 2-Samuel 1       Index      2-Samuel 3 >>

     

  • DistroMan 20:00 on March 25, 2011 Permalink
    Tags: , , , David, , , , , , , , , , , , ,   

    2 Samuel 1: The next time a King asks you to kill him, pretend you’re deaf and walk away. 

    2-Samuel: Part 1 of 24
    David Hears of Saul’s Death

    1 After the death of Saul, David returned from striking down the Amalekites and stayed in Ziklag two days.

    As you do when you’re tired from so much bloodthirsty activity.  It does take it’s toll you know.

    2 On the third day a man arrived from Saul’s camp with his clothes torn and dust on his head. When he came to David, he fell to the ground to pay him honor.

    It says they stayed in Ziklag two days and this guy arrives on the third day.  There would be nobody there to talk to.  Stupid book.

    3 “Where have you come from?” David asked him.

    He answered, “I have escaped from the Israelite camp.”

    Or, “I ran away from the battle”.

    4 “What happened?” David asked. “Tell me.”

    “The men fled from the battle,” he replied. “Many of them fell and died. And Saul and his son Jonathan are dead.”

    5 Then David said to the young man who brought him the report, “How do you know that Saul and his son Jonathan are dead?”

    6 “I happened to be on Mount Gilboa,” the young man said, “and there was Saul, leaning on his spear, with the chariots and their drivers in hot pursuit.

    Pursuit to me means movement by both pursued and pursuer.  If Saul was leaning on his spear, then they weren’t in ‘hot pursuit’.  Someone is taking a little too much literary licence here.  :)

    7 When he turned around and saw me, he called out to me, and I said, ‘What can I do?’

    8 “He asked me, ‘Who are you?’

    “‘An Amalekite,’ I answered.

    An Amalekite; one of the people David has been slaughtering all this time.

    9 “Then he said to me, ‘Stand here by me and kill me! I’m in the throes of death, but I’m still alive.’

    10 “So I stood beside him and killed him, because I knew that after he had fallen he could not survive. And I took the crown that was on his head and the band on his arm and have brought them here to my lord.”

    11 Then David and all the men with him took hold of their clothes and tore them.

    Picture this.  Think about what it would look like for six hundred battle hardened warriors to be acting in this fashion.

    12 They mourned and wept and fasted till evening for Saul and his son Jonathan, and for the army of the LORD and for the nation of Israel, because they had fallen by the sword.

    Add crying into the picture and think about what that would look like.  Is there really any belief that this happened?  Really?

    13 David said to the young man who brought him the report, “Where are you from?”

    “I am the son of a foreigner, an Amalekite,” he answered.

    14 David asked him, “Why weren’t you afraid to lift your hand to destroy the LORD’s anointed?”

    Maybe because it was the Lord’s anointed that ordered him to do the deed?

    15 Then David called one of his men and said, “Go, strike him down!” So he struck him down, and he died.

    Well, there’s appreciation for you.  The guy did what he was asked to do by the King and then gets assassinated for his trouble.

    16 For David had said to him, “Your blood be on your own head. Your own mouth testified against you when you said, ‘I killed the LORD’s anointed.’”

    It also testified for him when he told you Saul asked him to perform the deed.  Morons.

    David’s Lament for Saul and Jonathan

    17 David took up this lament concerning Saul and his son Jonathan,

    18 and he ordered that the people of Judah be taught this lament of the bow (it is written in the Book of Jashar):

    19 “A gazelle lies slain on your heights, Israel.
    How the mighty have fallen!

    20 “Tell it not in Gath,
    proclaim it not in the streets of Ashkelon,
    lest the daughters of the Philistines be glad,
    lest the daughters of the uncircumcised rejoice.

    Oh yeah, that’s a lovely line anyone would be proud to have in a song about them.

    21 “Mountains of Gilboa,
    may you have neither dew nor rain,
    may no showers fall on your terraced fields.
    For there the shield of the mighty was despised,
    the shield of Saul—no longer rubbed with oil.

    Well, how about laying blame where it should be?  God caused it.  It was all by his bidding.

    22 “From the blood of the slain,
    from the flesh of the mighty,
    the bow of Jonathan did not turn back,
    the sword of Saul did not return unsatisfied.

    23 Saul and Jonathan—
    in life they were loved and admired,
    and in death they were not parted.
    They were swifter than eagles,
    they were stronger than lions.

    Saul my have been loved, but not by everyone.  Certainly not God.

    24 “Daughters of Israel,
    weep for Saul,
    who clothed you in scarlet and finery,
    who adorned your garments with ornaments of gold.

    25 “How the mighty have fallen in battle!
    Jonathan lies slain on your heights.

    26 I grieve for you, Jonathan my brother;
    you were very dear to me.
    Your love for me was wonderful,
    more wonderful than that of women.

    If that last line can’t be taken for the bible being in favour of homosexuality,  then there is nothing in the bible that can be taken literally.  At all.

    27 “How the mighty have fallen!
    The weapons of war have perished!”

    If only all weapons of war had perished, we’d be in a far better position today.

    Index       2-Samuel 2 >>

     

  • DistroMan 20:00 on March 24, 2011 Permalink
    Tags: , , , , David, , , , , , , , , , , , , , , ,   

    1-Samuel: The Post Mortem 

    1-Samuel: What was it all about?

    Well, that was a slightly more interesting story than Ruth. With this we had Samuel through to Saul through to David.  Saul and David being the main players.  Why God would tell Samuel to make Saul the King when he would have known that he was the wrong choice is beyond me.  Yes, that’s right.  I’m not all knowing and don’t pretend to be as opposed to this petulant freak we call God.  How this book can continue to say God is all knowing, all wise, all powerful while at the same time proving beyond a shadow of a doubt that he is nothing of the kind leaves me bewildered.  People read this tome daily.  They preach from it daily.  They teach it to our children daily.  And yet, while reading it they must somehow turn off that portion of the brain that leads the rest of us to think for ourselves and see how dangerous this book really is to a civilised and modern society.

    How can we ever expect to move forward into the future with a positive outlook while at the same time keeping ourselves chained like slaves to, among other things, a superstitious, lawless, genocidal, bigoted past?

    When you read section after section that Saul is tormented daily by God’s tormentors, pushed into slavishly pursuing David for no other reason than God’s amusement, to then be persuaded to give up the chase and change his mind again the following day, it just becomes a joke.  Think about it for a second.  If you were pissed off at someone and you chased them around the desert until you finally caught up with them and they were unarmed, you had a sword or spear and they kept insulting you, would you let them go?  No?  Of course not.  But this book expects us to believe that Saul would do just that in the face of David’s insults.  Do you want to believe it is because that is what God wanted him to do?  Ok, believe that, but explain it to me.  What is the payoff to anyone to have them behave in this manner?  Where is the moral teaching behind it?  The only story here is to stay the hell away from religion before it sends you around the twist and has you locked up in a rubber room somewhere.

    In one section it tells you David had three wives and in another it tells you he only had two.  One person, Jonathan, who backed David right from the beginning and was ultimately the cause of David’s life being saved was then killed without anything being done by God to save him.  What good did it do Jonathan to be a believer?

    To finish off I’d like to ask yet again, what good it does anyone, even God, to have so many people being killed day after day, week after week, year after year?  Even the Israelites aren’t being allowed to live in peace.  The millions they’ve killed certainly haven’t benefited.  The slaves they’ve captured haven’t thrown any parties and thanked anyone for being held captive and worked to death day after day.  The women/girls they capture and rape aren’t sending out messages of appreciation.  It’s no better from the other side of the equation either.  The Philistines are just as bad.  It’s just one big bloodbath that only seems to be for the amusement of God.  And what god would that be?  They don’t all believe in the same god.  Is there a whole plethora of the bastards up there in the sky playing some kind of wargame with us as the game pieces?  Millions dying in wars, earthquakes, plagues, fires, floods, famines and just for their amusement?

    Get over yourselves people.  It’s a book.  A badly written book with nothing to back it up.  Put the stupid thing down, back away from it and never pick it up again.  You and the rest of the world will be better of for it.

    << 1-Samuel 31      Index      2-Samuel 1 >>

     

  • DistroMan 20:00 on March 22, 2011 Permalink
    Tags: , , , , David, , , , , , ,   

    1-Samuel 30: Being the second to commit the same crime doesn’t make you the moral one. 

    1-Samuel: Part 30 of 31
    David Destroys the Amalekites

    1 David and his men reached Ziklag on the third day. Now the Amalekites had raided the Negev and Ziklag. They had attacked Ziklag and burned it,

    2 and had taken captive the women and everyone else in it, both young and old. They killed none of them, but carried them off as they went on their way.

    3 When David and his men reached Ziklag, they found it destroyed by fire and their wives and sons and daughters taken captive.

    4 So David and his men wept aloud until they had no strength left to weep.

    5 David’s two wives had been captured—Ahinoam of Jezreel and Abigail, the widow of Nabal of Carmel.

    6 David was greatly distressed because the men were talking of stoning him; each one was bitter in spirit because of his sons and daughters. But David found strength in the LORD his God.

    Why? If God cared, wouldn’t he have saved their wives and children? We all know actions speak louder than words, so this ‘god is so freaking good’ and ‘I take strength from God’ crap isn’t worth shit.  He needs to take decisive action and actually help people.  Taking credit when they achieve something and blaming them for their shortcomings when they fail is just useless.  As is God.

    7 Then David said to Abiathar the priest, the son of Ahimelek, “Bring me the ephod.” Abiathar brought it to him,

    8 and David inquired of the LORD, “Shall I pursue this raiding party? Will I overtake them?”

    “Pursue them,” he answered. “You will certainly overtake them and succeed in the rescue.”

    9 David and the six hundred men with him came to the Besor Valley, where some stayed behind.

    10 Two hundred of them were too exhausted to cross the valley, but David and the other four hundred continued the pursuit.

    11 They found an Egyptian in a field and brought him to David. They gave him water to drink and food to eat—

    12 part of a cake of pressed figs and two cakes of raisins. He ate and was revived, for he had not eaten any food or drunk any water for three days and three nights.

    13 David asked him, “Who do you belong to? Where do you come from?”

    He said, “I am an Egyptian, the slave of an Amalekite. My master abandoned me when I became ill three days ago.

    14 We raided the Negev of the Kerethites, some territory belonging to Judah and the Negev of Caleb. And we burned Ziklag.”

    15 David asked him, “Can you lead me down to this raiding party?”

    He answered, “Swear to me before God that you will not kill me or hand me over to my master, and I will take you down to them.”

    Why doesn’t God just show them the way?

    16 He led David down, and there they were, scattered over the countryside, eating, drinking and reveling because of the great amount of plunder they had taken from the land of the Philistines and from Judah.

    17 David fought them from dusk until the evening of the next day, and none of them got away, except four hundred young men who rode off on camels and fled.

    18 David recovered everything the Amalekites had taken, including his two wives.

    19 Nothing was missing: young or old, boy or girl, plunder or anything else they had taken. David brought everything back.

    20 He took all the flocks and herds, and his men drove them ahead of the other livestock, saying, “This is David’s plunder.”

    21 Then David came to the two hundred men who had been too exhausted to follow him and who were left behind at the Besor Valley. They came out to meet David and the men with him. As David and his men approached, he asked them how they were.

    22 But all the evil men and troublemakers among David’s followers said, “Because they did not go out with us, we will not share with them the plunder we recovered. However, each man may take his wife and children and go.”

    23 David replied, “No, my brothers, you must not do that with what the LORD has given us. He has protected us and delivered into our hands the raiding party that came against us.

    How did God do this?  What evidence have you?  Again, saying it doesn’t make it so.

    24 Who will listen to what you say? The share of the man who stayed with the supplies is to be the same as that of him who went down to the battle. All will share alike.”

    25 David made this a statute and ordinance for Israel from that day to this.

    26 When David reached Ziklag, he sent some of the plunder to the elders of Judah, who were his friends, saying, “Here is a gift for you from the plunder of the LORD’s enemies.”

    27 David sent it to those who were in Bethel, Ramoth Negev and Jattir;

    28 to those in Aroer, Siphmoth, Eshtemoa

    29 and Rakal; to those in the towns of the Jerahmeelites and the Kenites;

    30 to those in Hormah, Bor Ashan, Athak

    31 and Hebron; and to those in all the other places where he and his men had roamed.

    Which makes you no better than your enemy.  They raid and take plunder; you raid and take plunder.

    << 1-Samuel 29       Index      1-Samuel 31 >>

     

  • DistroMan 20:00 on March 19, 2011 Permalink
    Tags: , , , , David, , , , , , , , , ,   

    1-Samuel 27: How many mass murderers can you fit in one book? 

    1-Samuel: Part 27 of 31
    David Among the Philistines

    1 But David thought to himself, “One of these days I will be destroyed by the hand of Saul. The best thing I can do is to escape to the land of the Philistines. Then Saul will give up searching for me anywhere in Israel, and I will slip out of his hand.”

    So David not only didn’t trust Saul, but he didn’t trust God to keep him safe either.

    2 So David and the six hundred men with him left and went over to Achish son of Maok king of Gath.

    3 David and his men settled in Gath with Achish. Each man had his family with him, and David had his two wives: Ahinoam of Jezreel and Abigail of Carmel, the widow of Nabal.

    4 When Saul was told that David had fled to Gath, he no longer searched for him.

    5 Then David said to Achish, “If I have found favor in your eyes, let a place be assigned to me in one of the country towns, that I may live there. Why should your servant live in the royal city with you?”

    6 So on that day Achish gave him Ziklag, and it has belonged to the kings of Judah ever since.

    7 David lived in Philistine territory a year and four months.

    8 Now David and his men went up and raided the Geshurites, the Girzites and the Amalekites. (From ancient times these peoples had lived in the land extending to Shur and Egypt.)

    Why raid them?  What did they do wrong to deserve to be treated like that?

    9 Whenever David attacked an area, he did not leave a man or woman alive, but took sheep and cattle, donkeys and camels, and clothes. Then he returned to Achish.

    That’s not very nice.

    10 When Achish asked, “Where did you go raiding today?” David would say, “Against the Negev of Judah” or “Against the Negev of Jerahmeel” or “Against the Negev of the Kenites.”

    So he lied to the King.

    11 He did not leave a man or woman alive to be brought to Gath, for he thought, “They might inform on us and say, ‘This is what David did.’” And such was his practice as long as he lived in Philistine territory.

    So when it’s all said and done, David was no more than a cruel, heartless mass murderer like so many others in this bloodsoaked book.

    12 Achish trusted David and said to himself, “He has become so obnoxious to his people, the Israelites, that he will be my servant for life.”

    Dream on.

    << 1-Samuel 26       Index      1-Samuel 28 >>

     

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