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  • DistroMan 20:00 on August 14, 2010 Permalink
    Tags: , , , , , incest,   

    Exodus 4: The Flight from Egypt 

    Exodus: Part 4 of 40

    Signs for Moses

    1 Moses answered, “What if they do not believe me or listen to me and say, ‘The LORD did not appear to you’?”

    2 Then the LORD said to him, “What is that in your hand?”
    “A staff,” he replied.

    3 The LORD said, “Throw it on the ground.”  Moses threw it on the ground and it became a snake, and he ran from it.

    4 Then the LORD said to him, “Reach out your hand and take it by the tail.” So Moses reached out and took hold of the snake and it turned back into a staff in his hand.

    5 “This,” said the LORD, “is so that they may believe that the LORD, the God of their fathers—the God of Abraham, the God of Isaac and the God of Jacob—has appeared to you.”

    Any good magician could have performed tricks back then and had this rabble believe anything they wanted.

    6 Then the LORD said, “Put your hand inside your cloak.” So Moses put his hand into his cloak, and when he took it out, it was leprous, like snow.

    7 “Now put it back into your cloak,” he said. So Moses put his hand back into his cloak, and when he took it out, it was restored, like the rest of his flesh.

    Now, if he had have changed it while out in full view of everyone, that would have been better.

    8 Then the LORD said, “If they do not believe you or pay attention to the first miraculous sign, they may believe the second.

    The second ‘miraculous sign’ is way less impressive than the first, so I doubt it.

    9 But if they do not believe these two signs or listen to you, take some water from the Nile and pour it on the dry ground. The water you take from the river will become blood on the ground.”

    Yeah well, a bit of red dye on the dirt beforehand would accomplish that.

    10 Moses said to the LORD, “O Lord, I have never been eloquent, neither in the past nor since you have spoken to your servant. I am slow of speech and tongue.”

    11 The LORD said to him, “Who gave man his mouth? Who makes him deaf or mute? Who gives him sight or makes him blind? Is it not I, the LORD ?

    12 Now go; I will help you speak and will teach you what to say.”

    13 But Moses said, “O Lord, please send someone else to do it.”

    14 Then the LORD’s anger burned against Moses and he said, “What about your brother, Aaron the Levite? I know he can speak well. He is already on his way to meet you, and his heart will be glad when he sees you.

    15 You shall speak to him and put words in his mouth; I will help both of you speak and will teach you what to do.

    Teach? Why not just change them into good speakers?  Too hard for you?

    16 He will speak to the people for you, and it will be as if he were your mouth and as if you were God to him.

    Just change them into good speakers.  Why fart around?

    17 But take this staff in your hand so you can perform miraculous signs with it.”

    Moses Returns to Egypt

    18 Then Moses went back to Jethro his father-in-law and said to him, “Let me go back to my own people in Egypt to see if any of them are still alive.”
    Jethro said, “Go, and I wish you well.”

    19 Now the LORD had said to Moses in Midian, “Go back to Egypt, for all the men who wanted to kill you are dead.”

    And who caused them to die pray tell?

    20 So Moses took his wife and sons, put them on a donkey and started back to Egypt. And he took the staff of God in his hand.

    That sounds a bit suss.

    21 The LORD said to Moses, “When you return to Egypt, see that you perform before Pharaoh all the wonders I have given you the power to do. But I will harden his heart so that he will not let the people go.

    For what reason?  This should be good.

    22 Then say to Pharaoh, ‘This is what the LORD says: Israel is my firstborn son,

    23 and I told you, “Let my son go, so he may worship me.” But you refused to let him go; so I will kill your firstborn son.’ “

    Such caring people.

    24 At a lodging place on the way, the LORD met {Moses} and was about to kill him.

    God sends him on an errand and then tries to kill him?  WTF?

    25 But Zipporah took a flint knife, cut off her son’s foreskin and touched {Moses’} feet with it. “Surely you are a bridegroom of blood to me,” she said.

    WTF???

    26 So the LORD let him alone. (At that time she said “bridegroom of blood,” referring to circumcision.)

    27 The LORD said to Aaron, “Go into the desert to meet Moses.” So he met Moses at the mountain of God and kissed him.

    And yet they are against incest and homosexuality?  Yeah sure.

    28 Then Moses told Aaron everything the LORD had sent him to say, and also about all the miraculous signs he had commanded him to perform.

    29 Moses and Aaron brought together all the elders of the Israelites,

    30 and Aaron told them everything the LORD had said to Moses. He also performed the signs before the people,

    31 and they believed. And when they heard that the LORD was concerned about them and had seen their misery, they bowed down and worshiped.

    Ok, I have a bridge and a block of land I’d like to sell to these people.  Maybe even an Opera House.   :)

    << Exodus 3      Index       Exodus 5 >>

     

  • DistroMan 20:00 on August 10, 2010 Permalink
    Tags: , , , , , , , fratricide, , , , incest, , , , , , , , , , , ,   

    Genesis: The Post Mortem 

    Genesis: What was it all about?

    Well, that’s the end of Genesis.  It’s been a long boring ride and frankly I’m glad it’s over.  Firstly, let’s list a few of the things we’ve seen:

    Lies, Polygamy, Murder, Genocide, Rape, Incest, Slavery, Adultery, Conspiracy, Favoritism, Misogyny and Prostitution.

    What purports to be the ‘Good Book’ starts off by telling us a whole range of ridiculous rubbish about how the universe began, then goes on to throw the above ‘virtuous’ traits at us page after page.  I have no idea how this could be thought to be a book of morals and ethics unless you call it the book of ‘What Not To Do’.

    The endless genealogical passages have nothing to do with the story.  Not once does it really put a positive spin on anything.

    To go on and on about naming things everytime they stop their camels does nothing to impress me in any way whatsoever.  Then of course there is the ridiculous renaming of people as in the case of Jacob/Israel which then goes on to use both names either on their own or together which just confuses an already confusing piece of literary garbage.

    If this book is supposed to be the inerrant word of God, then it just shows that he was only teaching them to be nice to their own people and not to anybody else.  All outsiders were only to be used up and then killed if they got in the way.  Rape is excused if the rapist wants to then marry the girl he attacked. Murder is also fine if you still don’t like the rapist.  Further in we have attempted fratricide, (killing of a brother) which turned into selling him into slavery.  He then is accused of attempted rape and thrown into jail.  He then gets out of jail by doing what he says only God can do.

    To finish, the creation rubbish is just that.  The rest is just begatting and petty jealousies ending in betrayal, theft and murder.

    All in all, Genesis is nothing but a pile of lies, coated with immoral behaviour by a group of unethical people.  This wouldn’t even make it to television as a D Grade Soapie.

    Let’s hope for better reading in Exodus, up next…

    << Genesis 50       Exodus 1 >>

     

  • DistroMan 20:00 on July 19, 2010 Permalink
    Tags: , , , , , incest, ,   

    Genesis 29: Did anyone hear what God said? 

    Genesis: Part 29 of 50

    Jacob Arrives in Paddan Aram

    1 Then Jacob continued on his journey and came to the land of the eastern peoples.

    2 There he saw a well in the field, with three flocks of sheep lying near it because the flocks were watered from that well. The stone over the mouth of the well was large.

    3 When all the flocks were gathered there, the shepherds would roll the stone away from the well’s mouth and water the sheep. Then they would return the stone to its place over the mouth of the well.

    4 Jacob asked the shepherds, “My brothers, where are you from?”
    “We’re from Haran,” they replied.

    5 He said to them, “Do you know Laban, Nahor’s grandson?”
    “Yes, we know him,” they answered.

    6 Then Jacob asked them, “Is he well?”
    “Yes, he is,” they said, “and here comes his daughter Rachel with the sheep.”

    7 “Look,” he said, “the sun is still high; it is not time for the flocks to be gathered. Water the sheep and take them back to pasture.”

    8 “We can’t,” they replied, “until all the flocks are gathered and the stone has been rolled away from the mouth of the well. Then we will water the sheep.”

    9 While he was still talking with them, Rachel came with her father’s sheep, for she was a shepherdess.

    10 When Jacob saw Rachel daughter of Laban, his mother’s brother, and Laban’s sheep, he went over and rolled the stone away from the mouth of the well and watered his uncle’s sheep.

    I shall refrain from making sheep jokes.  :)

    11 Then Jacob kissed Rachel and began to weep aloud.

    Rather forward of him to kiss a girl he’d never met. He’s lucky he didn’t lose his head right then and there.

    12 He had told Rachel that he was a relative of her father and a son of Rebekah. So she ran and told her father.

    13 As soon as Laban heard the news about Jacob, his sister’s son, he hurried to meet him. He embraced him and kissed him and brought him to his home, and there Jacob told him all these things.

    With all the lying they were used to doing, it’s a wonder they take people at their word.  Jacob could have been anybody.

    14 Then Laban said to him, “You are my own flesh and blood.”

    Jacob Marries Leah and Rachel

    After Jacob had stayed with him for a whole month,

    15 Laban said to him, “Just because you are a relative of mine, should you work for me for nothing? Tell me what your wages should be.”

    16 Now Laban had two daughters; the name of the older was Leah, and the name of the younger was Rachel.

    17 Leah had weak eyes, but Rachel was lovely in form, and beautiful.

    18 Jacob was in love with Rachel and said, “I’ll work for you seven years in return for your younger daughter Rachel.”

    19 Laban said, “It’s better that I give her to you than to some other man. Stay here with me.”

    20 So Jacob served seven years to get Rachel, but they seemed like only a few days to him because of his love for her.

    Again, this was written well after the time of Jesus who hasn’t even been born yet, so how do they know how Jacob felt about Rachel?  How do they know she was ‘lovely in form’?

    21 Then Jacob said to Laban, “Give me my wife. My time is completed, and I want to lie with her.”

    Even after a seven year engagement, I couldn’t see anyone saying that to a prospective father in law.  Hey Dad, give me your girl, I want to bang her!

    22 So Laban brought together all the people of the place and gave a feast.

    23 But when evening came, he took his daughter Leah and gave her to Jacob, and Jacob lay with her.

    24 And Laban gave his servant girl Zilpah to his daughter as her maidservant.

    25 When morning came, there was Leah! So Jacob said to Laban, “What is this you have done to me? I served you for Rachel, didn’t I? Why have you deceived me?”

    26 Laban replied, “It is not our custom here to give the younger daughter in marriage before the older one.

    27 Finish this daughter’s bridal week; then we will give you the younger one also, in return for another seven years of work.”

    Smile, you’re on Candid Camera!!!

    28 And Jacob did so. He finished the week with Leah, and then Laban gave him his daughter Rachel to be his wife.

    29 Laban gave his servant girl Bilhah to his daughter Rachel as her maidservant.

    30 Jacob lay with Rachel also, and he loved Rachel more than Leah. And he worked for Laban another seven years.

    Jacob’s Children

    31 When the LORD saw that Leah was not loved, he opened her womb, but Rachel was barren.

    There he goes again, bonking someone else’s wife.  God sure was one sick S.O.B.  It was more likely Jacob was sterile too.

    32 Leah became pregnant and gave birth to a son. She named him Reuben, for she said, “It is because the LORD has seen my misery. Surely my husband will love me now.”

    33 She conceived again, and when she gave birth to a son she said, “Because the LORD heard that I am not loved, he gave me this one too.” So she named him Simeon.

    34 Again she conceived, and when she gave birth to a son she said, “Now at last my husband will become attached to me, because I have borne him three sons.” So he was named Levi.

    35 She conceived again, and when she gave birth to a son she said, “This time I will praise the LORD.” So she named him Judah. Then she stopped having children.

    God stopped giving them to her.

    << Genesis 28      Index      Genesis 30 >>

     

  • DistroMan 21:33 on July 18, 2010 Permalink
    Tags: , , , , , , incest, ,   

    Genesis 28: Did anyone hear what God said? 

    Genesis: Part 28 of 50

    1 So Isaac called for Jacob and blessed him and commanded him: “Do not marry a Canaanite woman.

    No, for thou art commanded to commit incest and marry from within your family.

    2 Go at once to Paddan Aram, to the house of your mother’s father Bethuel. Take a wife for yourself there, from among the daughters of Laban, your mother’s brother.

    Damn, I was right.  :)

    3 May God Almighty bless you and make you fruitful and increase your numbers until you become a community of peoples.

    If any of this rubbish was actually real, the human race would have died out through inbreeding.

    4 May he give you and your descendants the blessing given to Abraham, so that you may take possession of the land where you now live as an alien, the land God gave to Abraham.”

    Yeah, it doesn’t matter that it belonged to somebody else.  Just take what you want in the name of God.

    5 Then Isaac sent Jacob on his way, and he went to Paddan Aram, to Laban son of Bethuel the Aramean, the brother of Rebekah, who was the mother of Jacob and Esau.

    6 Now Esau learned that Isaac had blessed Jacob and had sent him to Paddan Aram to take a wife from there, and that when he blessed him he commanded him, “Do not marry a Canaanite woman,”

    7 and that Jacob had obeyed his father and mother and had gone to Paddan Aram.

    8 Esau then realized how displeasing the Canaanite women were to his father Isaac;

    9 so he went to Ishmael and married Mahalath, the sister of Nebaioth and daughter of Ishmael son of Abraham, in addition to the wives he already had.

    Bigamy and polygamy mean nothing to these people.  Just use up the women and children as they see fit.

    Jacob’s Dream at Bethel

    10 Jacob left Beersheba and set out for Haran.

    11 When he reached a certain place, he stopped for the night because the sun had set. Taking one of the stones there, he put it under his head and lay down to sleep.

    12 He had a dream in which he saw a stairway resting on the earth, with its top reaching to heaven, and the angels of God were ascending and descending on it.

    13 There above it stood the LORD, and he said: “I am the LORD, the God of your father Abraham and the God of Isaac. I will give you and your descendants the land on which you are lying.

    Plenty of lying going on here.

    14 & 15 I am with you and will watch over you wherever you go, and I will bring you back to this land. I will not leave you until I have done what I have promised you.” Your descendants will be like the dust of the earth, and you will spread out to the west and to the east, to the north and to the south. All peoples on earth will be blessed through you and your offspring.

    What makes him so special except for the fact that he listens to the voices in his head?

    16 When Jacob awoke from his sleep, he thought, “Surely the LORD is in this place, and I was not aware of it.”

    For thou art a dumb bastard.

    17 He was afraid and said, “How awesome is this place! This is none other than the house of God; this is the gate of heaven.”

    Awesome dude!

    18 Early the next morning Jacob took the stone he had placed under his head and set it up as a pillar and poured oil on top of it.

    He should have put it back in his head with the rest of the rocks.

    19 He called that place Bethel, though the city used to be called Luz.

    No respect for tradition.

    20 Then Jacob made a vow, saying, “If God will be with me and will watch over me on this journey I am taking and will give me food to eat and clothes to wear

    21 so that I return safely to my father’s house, then the LORD will be my God

    Asking favours before accepting God as your Saviour?  Typical.

    22 and this stone that I have set up as a pillar will be God’s house, and of all that you give me I will give you a tenth.”

    That does not sound like a good deal to me.  Why give him 10 and accept 1 back?  Is this some kind of Stone Age GST?

    << Genesis 27      Index      Genesis 29 >>

     

  • DistroMan 20:00 on July 16, 2010 Permalink
    Tags: , , , , , , incest, , , polygamy, ,   

    Genesis 26: Did anyone hear what God said? 

    Genesis: Part 26 of 50

    Isaac and Abimelech

    1 Now there was a famine in the land—besides the earlier famine of Abraham’s time—and Isaac went to Abimelech king of the Philistines in Gerar.

    Wow, Mr I’m So All Powerful allowed a famine.  No surprise there.

    2 The LORD appeared to Isaac and said, “Do not go down to Egypt; live in the land where I tell you to live.

    There’s freedom for you.

    3 Stay in this land for a while, and I will be with you and will bless you. For to you and your descendants I will give all these lands and will confirm the oath I swore to your father Abraham.

    Yeah, just stay put while I kill off a few thousand people so you can have more land.

    4 I will make your descendants as numerous as the stars in the sky and will give them all these lands, and through your offspring all nations on earth will be blessed,

    5 because Abraham obeyed me and kept my requirements, my commands, my decrees and my laws.”

    6 So Isaac stayed in Gerar.

    7 When the men of that place asked him about his wife, he said, “She is my sister,” because he was afraid to say, “She is my wife.” He thought, “The men of this place might kill me on account of Rebekah, because she is beautiful.”

    Again with the lies.

    8 When Isaac had been there a long time, Abimelech king of the Philistines looked down from a window and saw Isaac caressing his wife Rebekah.

    Pervert.

    9 So Abimelech summoned Isaac and said, “She is really your wife! Why did you say, ‘She is my sister’?” Isaac answered him, “Because I thought I might lose my life on account of her.”

    I’d like to know the reason he thinks he might lose his life.

    10 Then Abimelech said, “What is this you have done to us? One of the men might well have slept with your wife, and you would have brought guilt upon us.”

    Isaac doesn’t care.  He has his good buddy God looking after him.

    11 So Abimelech gave orders to all the people: “Anyone who molests this man or his wife shall surely be put to death.”

    12 Isaac planted crops in that land and the same year reaped a hundredfold, because the LORD blessed him.

    Isaac didn’t do a damn thing.  His servants/slaves did.

    13 The man became rich, and his wealth continued to grow until he became very wealthy.

    14 He had so many flocks and herds and servants that the Philistines envied him.

    15 So all the wells that his father’s servants had dug in the time of his father Abraham, the Philistines stopped up, filling them with earth.

    16 Then Abimelech said to Isaac, “Move away from us; you have become too powerful for us.”

    17 So Isaac moved away from there and encamped in the Valley of Gerar and settled there.

    God had told him to stay there, but he left.  Now lets see what happens, if anything.

    18 Isaac reopened the wells that had been dug in the time of his father Abraham, which the Philistines had stopped up after Abraham died, and he gave them the same names his father had given them.

    Come on, he’d just moved away and yet he’s unplugging the wells from where he was previously?  This makes no sense.  The timeline is all stuffed up.

    19 Isaac’s servants dug in the valley and discovered a well of fresh water there.

    20 But the herdsmen of Gerar quarreled with Isaac’s herdsmen and said, “The water is ours!” So he named the well Esek, because they disputed with him.

    21 Then they dug another well, but they quarreled over that one also; so he named it Sitnah.

    22 He moved on from there and dug another well, and no one quarreled over it. He named it Rehoboth, saying, “Now the LORD has given us room and we will flourish in the land.”

    23 From there he went up to Beersheba.

    24 That night the LORD appeared to him and said, “I am the God of your father Abraham. Do not be afraid, for I am with you; I will bless you and will increase the number of your descendants for the sake of my servant Abraham.”

    25 Isaac built an altar there and called on the name of the LORD. There he pitched his tent, and there his servants dug a well.

    26 Meanwhile, Abimelech had come to him from Gerar, with Ahuzzath his personal adviser and Phicol the commander of his forces.

    27 Isaac asked them, “Why have you come to me, since you were hostile to me and sent me away?”

    Because you’re God’s little fair haired boy and they are scared He might smite them.

    28 They answered, “We saw clearly that the LORD was with you; so we said, ‘There ought to be a sworn agreement between us’-between us and you. Let us make a treaty with you

    29 that you will do us no harm, just as we did not molest you but always treated you well and sent you away in peace. And now you are blessed by the LORD.”

    30 Isaac then made a feast for them, and they ate and drank.

    31 Early the next morning the men swore an oath to each other. Then Isaac sent them on their way, and they left him in peace.

    32 That day Isaac’s servants came and told him about the well they had dug. They said, “We’ve found water!”

    33 He called it Shibah, and to this day the name of the town has been Beersheba.

    34 When Esau was forty years old, he married Judith daughter of Beeri the Hittite, and also Basemath daughter of Elon the Hittite.

    Two wives?  Yeah, it just gets better and better doesn’t it.  The Lord must be so proud.

    35 They were a source of grief to Isaac and Rebekah.

    Bitching In-Laws.  :)

    << Genesis 25      Index      Genesis 27 >>

     

  • DistroMan 20:00 on July 14, 2010 Permalink
    Tags: , , , , , , , incest, , ,   

    Genesis 24: Did anyone hear what God said? 

    Isaac and Rebekah

    1 Abraham was now old and well advanced in years, and the LORD had blessed him in every way.

    2 He said to the chief servant in his household, the one in charge of all that he had, “Put your hand under my thigh.

    Kinky.

    3 I want you to swear by the LORD, the God of heaven and the God of earth, that you will not get a wife for my son from the daughters of the Canaanites, among whom I am living,

    So, the people who have looked after him and worshipped him as their king are not good enough for his children.  Ungrateful bastard.

    4 but will go to my country and my own relatives and get a wife for my son Isaac.”

    Nothing like incest to juice up the story.

    5 The servant asked him, “What if the woman is unwilling to come back with me to this land? Shall I then take your son back to the country you came from?”

    6 “Make sure that you do not take my son back there,” Abraham said.

    7 “The LORD, the God of heaven, who brought me out of my father’s household and my native land and who spoke to me and promised me on oath, saying, ‘To your offspring I will give this land’-he will send his angel before you so that you can get a wife for my son from there.

    8 If the woman is unwilling to come back with you, then you will be released from this oath of mine. Only do not take my son back there.”

    9 So the servant put his hand under the thigh of his master Abraham and swore an oath to him concerning this matter.

    Touchy-feely seals the deal.

    10 Then the servant took ten of his master’s camels and left, taking with him all kinds of good things from his master. He set out for Aram Naharaim and made his way to the town of Nahor.

    11 He had the camels kneel down near the well outside the town; it was toward evening, the time the women go out to draw water.

    12 Then he prayed, “O LORD, God of my master Abraham, give me success today, and show kindness to my master Abraham.

    13 See, I am standing beside this spring, and the daughters of the townspeople are coming out to draw water.

    14 May it be that when I say to a girl, ‘Please let down your jar that I may have a drink,’ and she says, ‘Drink, and I’ll water your camels too’-let her be the one you have chosen for your servant Isaac. By this I will know that you have shown kindness to my master.”

    15 Before he had finished praying, Rebekah came out with her jar on her shoulder. She was the daughter of Bethuel son of Milcah, who was the wife of Abraham’s brother Nahor.

    Run Rebekah, run and run hard.

    16 The girl was very beautiful, a virgin; no man had ever lain with her. She went down to the spring, filled her jar and came up again.

    17 The servant hurried to meet her and said, “Please give me a little water from your jar.”

    18 “Drink, my lord,” she said, and quickly lowered the jar to her hands and gave him a drink.

    19 After she had given him a drink, she said, “I’ll draw water for your camels too, until they have finished drinking.”

    20 So she quickly emptied her jar into the trough, ran back to the well to draw more water, and drew enough for all his camels.

    21 Without saying a word, the man watched her closely to learn whether or not the LORD had made his journey successful.

    22 When the camels had finished drinking, the man took out a gold nose ring weighing a beka and two gold bracelets weighing ten shekels.

    23 Then he asked, “Whose daughter are you? Please tell me, is there room in your father’s house for us to spend the night?”

    24 She answered him, “I am the daughter of Bethuel, the son that Milcah bore to Nahor.”

    25 And she added, “We have plenty of straw and fodder, as well as room for you to spend the night.”

    26 Then the man bowed down and worshiped the LORD,

    27 saying, “Praise be to the LORD, the God of my master Abraham, who has not abandoned his kindness and faithfulness to my master. As for me, the LORD has led me on the journey to the house of my master’s relatives.”

    28 The girl ran and told her mother’s household about these things.

    29 Now Rebekah had a brother named Laban, and he hurried out to the man at the spring.

    30 As soon as he had seen the nose ring, and the bracelets on his sister’s arms, and had heard Rebekah tell what the man said to her, he went out to the man and found him standing by the camels near the spring.

    31 “Come, you who are blessed by the LORD,” he said. “Why are you standing out here? I have prepared the house and a place for the camels.”

    32 So the man went to the house, and the camels were unloaded. Straw and fodder were brought for the camels, and water for him and his men to wash their feet.

    33 Then food was set before him, but he said, “I will not eat until I have told you what I have to say.” “Then tell us,” Laban said.

    Ok, get ready to hear the story all over again.

    34 So he said, “I am Abraham’s servant.

    35 The LORD has blessed my master abundantly, and he has become wealthy. He has given him sheep and cattle, silver and gold, menservants and maidservants, and camels and donkeys.

    36 My master’s wife Sarah has borne him a son in her old age, and he has given him everything he owns.

    37 And my master made me swear an oath, and said, ‘You must not get a wife for my son from the daughters of the Canaanites, in whose land I live,

    38 but go to my father’s family and to my own clan, and get a wife for my son.’

    39 “Then I asked my master, ‘What if the woman will not come back with me?’

    40 “He replied, ‘The LORD, before whom I have walked, will send his angel with you and make your journey a success, so that you can get a wife for my son from my own clan and from my father’s family.

    41 Then, when you go to my clan, you will be released from my oath even if they refuse to give her to you—you will be released from my oath.’

    42 “When I came to the spring today, I said, ‘O LORD, God of my master Abraham, if you will, please grant success to the journey on which I have come.

    43 See, I am standing beside this spring; if a maiden comes out to draw water and I say to her, “Please let me drink a little water from your jar,”

    44 and if she says to me, “Drink, and I’ll draw water for your camels too,” let her be the one the LORD has chosen for my master’s son.’

    45 “Before I finished praying in my heart, Rebekah came out, with her jar on her shoulder. She went down to the spring and drew water, and I said to her, ‘Please give me a drink.’

    46 “She quickly lowered her jar from her shoulder and said, ‘Drink, and I’ll water your camels too.’ So I drank, and she watered the camels also.

    47 “I asked her, ‘Whose daughter are you?’ “She said, ‘The daughter of Bethuel son of Nahor, whom Milcah bore to him.’ “Then I put the ring in her nose and the bracelets on her arms,

    48 and I bowed down and worshiped the LORD. I praised the LORD, the God of my master Abraham, who had led me on the right road to get the granddaughter of my master’s brother for his son.

    Are you as glad as I am that you had to hear it twice in so short a time? This is freaking ridiculous.

    49 Now if you will show kindness and faithfulness to my master, tell me; and if not, tell me, so I may know which way to turn.”

    50 Laban and Bethuel answered, “This is from the LORD; we can say nothing to you one way or the other.

    How did they know it was from the Lord?  That hasn’t been mentioned.

    51 Here is Rebekah; take her and go, and let her become the wife of your master’s son, as the LORD has directed.”

    That’s right, just give away a woman as if you own her.

    52 When Abraham’s servant heard what they said, he bowed down to the ground before the LORD.

    When did the Lord turn up?  That also hasn’t been mentioned.  And don’t give me any of that omnipresent crap.

    53 Then the servant brought out gold and silver jewelry and articles of clothing and gave them to Rebekah; he also gave costly gifts to her brother and to her mother.

    You have to buy off the family or they won’t let you take her.

    54 Then he and the men who were with him ate and drank and spent the night there. When they got up the next morning, he said, “Send me on my way to my master.”

    55 But her brother and her mother replied, “Let the girl remain with us ten days or so; then you may go.”

    56 But he said to them, “Do not detain me, now that the LORD has granted success to my journey. Send me on my way so I may go to my master.”

    57 Then they said, “Let’s call the girl and ask her about it.”

    58 So they called Rebekah and asked her, “Will you go with this man?” “I will go,” she said.

    I wonder how old Rebekah was at this time? Aha, just looked it up.  14 yrs old.  Weren’t they wonderful in those days? Incest and pedophilia ran rampant.  The usual rubbish of it being a different time does NOT hold water.  That’s just an excuse for those who would want it still to be that way.

    59 So they sent their sister Rebekah on her way, along with her nurse and Abraham’s servant and his men.

    60 And they blessed Rebekah and said to her, “Our sister, may you increase to thousands upon thousands; may your offspring possess the gates of their enemies.”

    61 Then Rebekah and her maids got ready and mounted their camels and went back with the man. So the servant took Rebekah and left.

    62 Now Isaac had come from Beer Lahai Roi, for he was living in the Negev.

    Isaac is Abraham’s son and is the one about to marry Rebekah.  Isaac is 40yrs old and going to marry a 14yr old girl.  Disgusting behaviour.  Why would God not intervene and tell them how wrong this is?

    63 He went out to the field one evening to meditate, and as he looked up, he saw camels approaching.

    64 Rebekah also looked up and saw Isaac. She got down from her camel

    65 and asked the servant, “Who is that man in the field coming to meet us?” “He is my master,” the servant answered. So she took her veil and covered herself.

    Covers herself for Isaac but not for the servant?  Strange.

    66 Then the servant told Isaac all he had done.

    67 Isaac brought her into the tent of his mother Sarah, and he married Rebekah. So she became his wife, and he loved her; and Isaac was comforted after his mother’s death.

    His comfort is all that matters seemingly.  Why would the religious hierarchy today not denounce this behaviour?  Because then they’d have to denounce nearly all they believe in.

    << Genesis 23      Index      Genesis 25 >>

     

  • DistroMan 20:00 on July 11, 2010 Permalink
    Tags: , , , , hypocrite, incest, ,   

    Genesis 20: Did anyone hear what God said? 

    Abraham and Abimelech

    1 Now Abraham moved on from there into the region of the Negev and lived between Kadesh and Shur. For a while he stayed in Gerar,

    2 and there Abraham said of his wife Sarah, “She is my sister.” Then Abimelech king of Gerar sent for Sarah and took her.

    Here we go again.  God’s little favourite telling lies and getting away with it.

    3 But God came to Abimelech in a dream one night and said to him, “You are as good as dead because of the woman you have taken; she is a married woman.”

    Not his fault.  Blame Abraham.

    4 Now Abimelech had not gone near her, so he said, “Lord, will you destroy an innocent nation?

    5 Did he not say to me, ‘She is my sister,’ and didn’t she also say, ‘He is my brother’? I have done this with a clear conscience and clean hands.”

    6 Then God said to him in the dream, “Yes, I know you did this with a clear conscience, and so I have kept you from sinning against me. That is why I did not let you touch her.

    Now we’re getting down to it.  God does know what is going on and does have the power to do something about it.  But of course he doesn’t because he gets his rocks off punishing people for doing things he allows.  He gave them the power to do those things and then punishes them.  His fault.

    7 Now return the man’s wife, for he is a prophet, and he will pray for you and you will live. But if you do not return her, you may be sure that you and all yours will die.”

    What about punishing Abraham and Sarah?  They are the guilty ones.  As well as God.  He’s the Godfather of this band of liars and murderers. (I’ve been waiting to call him that. :) )

    8 Early the next morning Abimelech summoned all his officials, and when he told them all that had happened, they were very much afraid.

    9 & 10 And Abimelech asked Abraham, “What was your reason for doing this?” Then Abimelech called Abraham in and said, “What have you done to us? How have I wronged you that you have brought such great guilt upon me and my kingdom? You have done things to me that should not be done.”

    Abimelech asks Abraham and ‘then’ he calls him in?  Gotta love the timeline here folks.

    11 Abraham replied, “I said to myself, ‘There is surely no fear of God in this place, and they will kill me because of my wife.’

    12 Besides, she really is my sister, the daughter of my father though not of my mother; and she became my wife.

    And there is the incest again.

    13 And when God had me wander from my father’s household, I said to her, ‘This is how you can show your love to me: Everywhere we go, say of me, “He is my brother.” ‘

    Show your love by lying.  So commendable.  God thinks this is a good man?

    14 Then Abimelech brought sheep and cattle and male and female slaves and gave them to Abraham, and he returned Sarah his wife to him.

    15 And Abimelech said, “My land is before you; live wherever you like.”

    16 To Sarah he said, “I am giving your brother a thousand shekels of silver. This is to cover the offense against you before all who are with you; you are completely vindicated.”

    And again, no punishment for the liar.

    17 Then Abraham prayed to God, and God healed Abimelech, his wife and his slave girls so they could have children again,

    18 for the LORD had closed up every womb in Abimelech’s household because of Abraham’s wife Sarah.

    As you would if you were a sick, twisted psycho.

    << Genesis 19      Index      Genesis 21 >>

     

  • DistroMan 20:00 on July 10, 2010 Permalink
    Tags: , , , , , , incest, , , , , ,   

    Genesis 19: Did anyone hear what God said? 

    Sodom and Gomorrah Destroyed

    1 The two angels arrived at Sodom in the evening, and Lot was sitting in the gateway of the city. When he saw them, he got up to meet them and bowed down with his face to the ground.

    2 “My lords,” he said, “please turn aside to your servant’s house. You can wash your feet and spend the night and then go on your way early in the morning.”  “No,” they answered, “we will spend the night in the square.”

    3 But he insisted so strongly that they did go with him and entered his house. He prepared a meal for them, baking bread without yeast, and they ate.

    They are his Lords and yet they allow him to tell them what to do.  Right.

    4 Before they had gone to bed, all the men from every part of the city of Sodom—both young and old—surrounded the house.

    5 They called to Lot, “Where are the men who came to you tonight? Bring them out to us so that we can have sex with them.”

    Such a wonderful creation God has made.

    6 Lot went outside to meet them and shut the door behind him

    7 and said, “No, my friends. Don’t do this wicked thing.

    8 Look, I have two daughters who have never slept with a man. Let me bring them out to you, and you can do what you like with them. But don’t do anything to these men, for they have come under the protection of my roof.”

    His daughters are not under the protection of his roof?  God thinks this is the right thing to do?

    9 “Get out of our way,” they replied. And they said, “This fellow came here as an alien, and now he wants to play the judge! We’ll treat you worse than them.” They kept bringing pressure on Lot and moved forward to break down the door.

    10 But the men inside reached out and pulled Lot back into the house and shut the door.

    11 Then they struck the men who were at the door of the house, young and old, with blindness so that they could not find the door.

    Men?  I thought they were angels?  Make up your mind.  It makes this mess even harder to follow.

    12 The two men said to Lot, “Do you have anyone else here—sons-in-law, sons or daughters, or anyone else in the city who belongs to you? Get them out of here,

    13 because we are going to destroy this place. The outcry to the LORD against its people is so great that he has sent us to destroy it.”

    Yeah, let’s not worry about whether they are good people or not, just keep playing favourites.

    14 So Lot went out and spoke to his sons-in-law, who were pledged to marry his daughters. He said, “Hurry and get out of this place, because the LORD is about to destroy the city!” But his sons-in-law thought he was joking.

    Pledged to, does not make them sons-in-law.

    15 With the coming of dawn, the angels urged Lot, saying, “Hurry! Take your wife and your two daughters who are here, or you will be swept away when the city is punished.”

    16 When he hesitated, the men grasped his hand and the hands of his wife and of his two daughters and led them safely out of the city, for the LORD was merciful to them.

    17 As soon as they had brought them out, one of them said, “Flee for your lives! Don’t look back, and don’t stop anywhere in the plain! Flee to the mountains or you will be swept away!”

    18 But Lot said to them, “No, my lords, please!

    19 Your servant has found favor in your eyes, and you have shown great kindness to me in sparing my life. But I can’t flee to the mountains; this disaster will overtake me, and I’ll die.

    Lot doesn’t seem to trust them.  I guess I wouldn’t trust anyone that would commit mass murder like this so easily.

    20 Look, here is a town near enough to run to, and it is small. Let me flee to it—it is very small, isn’t it? Then my life will be spared.”

    21 He said to him, “Very well, I will grant this request too; I will not overthrow the town you speak of.

    Who is this ‘I’ ???  The angels can’t change what God said, so it sounds like this is God talking.  Why the hell don’t they say so and make it clear?

    22 But flee there quickly, because I cannot do anything until you reach it.” (That is why the town was called Zoar. )

    23 By the time Lot reached Zoar, the sun had risen over the land.

    24 Then the LORD rained down burning sulfur on Sodom and Gomorrah—from the LORD out of the heavens.

    Ok, this really annoys me.  God is supposed to be all powerful and compassionate.  All he needed to do was to take the people out of existence.  Straight from alive to dead.  What is the need to torture them unnecessarily in this manner?  Sick bastard.  This is the kind of God people worship?  There is only one reason to worship a sicko like this and it’s fear.  He certainly doesn’t deserve love or respect.

    25 Thus he overthrew those cities and the entire plain, including all those living in the cities—and also the vegetation in the land.

    Ooooooh, that’ll teach those silly plants.

    26 But Lot’s wife looked back, and she became a pillar of salt.

    Typical.  Victimise the innocent.

    27 Early the next morning Abraham got up and returned to the place where he had stood before the LORD.

    28 He looked down toward Sodom and Gomorrah, toward all the land of the plain, and he saw dense smoke rising from the land, like smoke from a furnace.

    29 So when God destroyed the cities of the plain, he remembered Abraham, and he brought Lot out of the catastrophe that overthrew the cities where Lot had lived.

    But left his daughters without a mother.  Lot must really love God now.

    Lot and His Daughters

    30 Lot and his two daughters left Zoar and settled in the mountains, for he was afraid to stay in Zoar. He and his two daughters lived in a cave.

    31 One day the older daughter said to the younger, “Our father is old, and there is no man around here to lie with us, as is the custom all over the earth.

    32 Let’s get our father to drink wine and then lie with him and preserve our family line through our father.”

    And now the bible sinks to yet another level of distaste.

    33 That night they got their father to drink wine, and the older daughter went in and lay with him. He was not aware of it when she lay down or when she got up.

    34 The next day the older daughter said to the younger, “Last night I lay with my father. Let’s get him to drink wine again tonight, and you go in and lie with him so we can preserve our family line through our father.”

    35 So they got their father to drink wine that night also, and the younger daughter went and lay with him. Again he was not aware of it when she lay down or when she got up.

    36 So both of Lot’s daughters became pregnant by their father.

    37 The older daughter had a son, and she named him Moab ; he is the father of the Moabites of today.

    38 The younger daughter also had a son, and she named him Ben-Ammi ; he is the father of the Ammonites of today.

    Priests and Ministers of all kinds want to teach this filth to our children?  I’ve got to state that anyone who would either teach from or give a copy of this book to their children deserves jail time.  This is very sick and twisted literature and does not deserve a place in our children’s lives.  I’m disgusted by each and every parent, teacher, preacher and guardian who would make this a part of a child’s upbringing.

    << Genesis 18      Index      Genesis 20 >>

     

  • DistroMan 20:00 on July 2, 2010 Permalink
    Tags: , , , , , , incest, ,   

    Genesis 11: Did anyone hear what God said? 

    The Tower of Babel

    1 Now the whole world had one language and a common speech.

    Yeah, it’s easy to do.  Wipe out nearly the whole population of the earth.  Genocide for fun and prophet.

    2 As men moved eastward, they found a plain in Shinar and settled there.

    3 They said to each other, “Come, let’s make bricks and bake them thoroughly.” They used brick instead of stone, and tar for mortar.

    4 Then they said, “Come, let us build ourselves a city, with a tower that reaches to the heavens, so that we may make a name for ourselves and not be scattered over the face of the whole earth.”

    And yet we did scatter over the whole earth.

    5 But the LORD came down to see the city and the tower that the men were building.

    6 The LORD said, “If as one people speaking the same language they have begun to do this, then nothing they plan to do will be impossible for them.

    One does NOT follow from the other.  What a load of …

    7 Come, let us go down and confuse their language so they will not understand each other.”

    8 So the LORD scattered them from there over all the earth, and they stopped building the city.

    9 That is why it was called Babel —because there the LORD confused the language of the whole world. From there the LORD scattered them over the face of the whole earth.

    Trying to retard the progress of mankind.  Such a lovely, kind, generous god.

    From Shem to Abram

    10 This is the account of Shem. Two years after the flood, when Shem was 100 years old, he became the father of Arphaxad.

    Geez, God sure loves this begatting business.  Is that all he was interested in?  Watching all the begatting?

    11 And after he became the father of Arphaxad, Shem lived 500 years and had other sons and daughters.

    Daughters?  He mentions daughters?  I wonder what brought about such a huge change?

    12 When Arphaxad had lived 35 years, he became the father of Shelah.

    13 And after he became the father of Shelah, Arphaxad lived 403 years and had other sons and daughters.

    14 When Shelah had lived 30 years, he became the father of Eber.

    15 And after he became the father of Eber, Shelah lived 403 years and had other sons and daughters.

    16 When Eber had lived 34 years, he became the father of Peleg.

    17 And after he became the father of Peleg, Eber lived 430 years and had other sons and daughters.

    18 When Peleg had lived 30 years, he became the father of Reu.

    19 And after he became the father of Reu, Peleg lived 209 years and had other sons and daughters.

    20 When Reu had lived 32 years, he became the father of Serug.

    21 And after he became the father of Serug, Reu lived 207 years and had other sons and daughters.

    22 When Serug had lived 30 years, he became the father of Nahor.

    23 And after he became the father of Nahor, Serug lived 200 years and had other sons and daughters.

    24 When Nahor had lived 29 years, he became the father of Terah.

    25 And after he became the father of Terah, Nahor lived 119 years and had other sons and daughters.

    26 After Terah had lived 70 years, he became the father of Abram, Nahor and Haran.

    27 This is the account of Terah. Terah became the father of Abram, Nahor and Haran. And Haran became the father of Lot.

    28 While his father Terah was still alive, Haran died in Ur of the Chaldeans, in the land of his birth.

    29 Abram and Nahor both married. The name of Abram’s wife was Sarai, and the name of Nahor’s wife was Milcah; she was the daughter of Haran, the father of both Milcah and Iscah.

    Ah, not only mentioned, but by name now.  There must be a reason.

    30 Now Sarai was barren; she had no children.

    I have to wonder why this would even be mentioned.

    31 Terah took his son Abram, his grandson Lot son of Haran, and his daughter-in-law Sarai, the wife of his son Abram, and together they set out from Ur of the Chaldeans to go to Canaan. But when they came to Haran, they settled there.

    32 Terah lived 205 years, and he died in Haran.

    Haran was the son of Terah.  What was Terah doing in his son?  Incest yet again.

    << Genesis 10      Index      Genesis 12 >>

     

  • DistroMan 20:00 on June 30, 2010 Permalink
    Tags: , , , , incest, , ,   

    Genesis 9: Did anyone hear what God said? 

    1 Then God blessed Noah and his sons, saying to them, “Be fruitful and increase in number and fill the earth.

    I hope he meant with their wives. Boom Boom.

    2 The fear and dread of you will fall upon all the beasts of the earth and all the birds of the air, upon every creature that moves along the ground, and upon all the fish of the sea; they are given into your hands.

    Hmm, never seen a lion get scared of a human unless they had fire with them.  Methinks he lies.  As usual, trying to trick us into giving up our lives.

    3 Everything that lives and moves will be food for you. Just as I gave you the green plants, I now give you everything.

    Yeah, even the poisonous stuff huh?  Maybe you should rethink this in light of what you are going to say shortly.  You’re making it hard to trust you SkyFairyMan.

    4 “But you must not eat meat that has its lifeblood still in it.

    Party Pooper!

    5 And for your lifeblood I will surely demand an accounting. I will demand an accounting from every animal. And from each man, too, I will demand an accounting for the life of his fellow man.

    6 “Whoever sheds the blood of man, by man shall his blood be shed; for in the image of God has God made man.

    More murder and mayhem.  Such a fun guy.  Very kind, merciful and forgiving.  Not a touch of vengeance in him.

    7 As for you, be fruitful and increase in number; multiply on the earth and increase upon it.”

    I prefer a bed or a pile of hay.  Too much grit getting into parts I don’t want it when multiplying is done on the earth.

    8 Then God said to Noah and to his sons with him:

    But not with the women you notice.

    9 “I now establish my covenant with you and with your descendants after you

    10 and with every living creature that was with you—the birds, the livestock and all the wild animals, all those that came out of the ark with you—every living creature on earth.

    Oh yeah, I can see the Bonobo Monkeys stopping what they are doing to kneel in prayer at your magnificence.

    11 I establish my covenant with you: Never again will all life be cut off by the waters of a flood; never again will there be a flood to destroy the earth.”

    12 And God said, “This is the sign of the covenant I am making between me and you and every living creature with you, a covenant for all generations to come:

    13 I have set my rainbow in the clouds, and it will be the sign of the covenant between me and the earth.

    14 Whenever I bring clouds over the earth and the rainbow appears in the clouds,

    15 I will remember my covenant between me and you and all living creatures of every kind. Never again will the waters become a flood to destroy all life.

    16 Whenever the rainbow appears in the clouds, I will see it and remember the everlasting covenant between God and all living creatures of every kind on the earth.”

    Don’t psychiatrists have a term for people that talk about themselves in the third person?

    17 So God said to Noah, “This is the sign of the covenant I have established between me and all life on the earth.”

    Yes, the Olive Tree thank you Oh Lord!


    The Sons of Noah

    18 The sons of Noah who came out of the ark were Shem, Ham and Japheth. (Ham was the father of Canaan.)

    Sounds like something you’d put on a pizza.

    19 These were the three sons of Noah, and from them came the people who were scattered over the earth.

    20 Noah, a man of the soil, proceeded to plant a vineyard.

    A man of the soil.  Sure was.  God kept telling him to do it in the dirt.

    21 When he drank some of its wine, he became drunk and lay uncovered inside his tent.

    22 Ham, the father of Canaan, saw his father’s nakedness and told his two brothers outside.

    23 But Shem and Japheth took a garment and laid it across their shoulders; then they walked in backward and covered their father’s nakedness. Their faces were turned the other way so that they would not see their father’s nakedness.

    Must have been one ugly son of a bitch.

    24 When Noah awoke from his wine and found out what his youngest son had done to him,

    25 he said, “Cursed be Canaan! The lowest of slaves will he be to his brothers.”

    But it wasn’t Canaan.  It was Ham.  Freaking morons can’t get their story straight.

    26 He also said, “Blessed be the LORD, the God of Shem! May Canaan be the slave of Shem.

    27 May God extend the territory of Japheth ; may Japheth live in the tents of Shem, and may Canaan be his slave.”

    Why is he blaming his grandson?

    28 After the flood Noah lived 350 years.

    29 Altogether, Noah lived 950 years, and then he died.

    That usually is what happens at the end of your life.

    Now, where’s that pizza?

    << Genesis 8      Index      Genesis 10 >>

     

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