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  • DistroMan 20:00 on February 29, 2012 Permalink
    Tags: Chronicles, , , , , , index, Job, , , Kings, , , , , ,   

    Distro’s Bible Commentary: An Index 

    Warning: The Bible is a work of fiction and should not be taken literally. It contains verses descriptive of, or advocating suicide, incest, bestiality, sadomasochism, sexual activity in a violet manner, murder, morbid violence, use of drugs or alcohol, homosexuality, voyeurism, revenge, animal cruelty, undermining of authority figures, lawlessness and human rights violations and atrocities.

    Exposure to contents for extended periods of time or during formative years in children may cause delusions, hallucinations, decreased cognitive and objective reasoning abilities, and, in extreme cases, pathological disorders, hatred, bigotry and violence including but not limited to fanaticism, murder and genocide.

    Genesis – Exodus – Leviticus – Numbers – Deuteronomy – Joshua – Judges – Ruth – 1-Samuel – 2 Samuel – 1 Kings – 2 Kings – 1 Chronicles – 2 Chronicles – Ezra – Nehemiah – Esther – Job – Psalms – Proverbs – Ecclesiastes – Song of Solomon – Isaiah – Jeremiah – Lamentations – Ezekiel – Daniel – Hosea – Joel – Amos – Obadiah – Jonah – Micah – Nahum – Habakkuk – Zephaniah – Haggai – Zechariah – Malachi – Matthew – Mark – Luke – John – Acts – Romans – 1 Corinthians – 2 Corinthians – Galatians – Ephesians – Philippians – Colossians – 1 Thessalonians – 2 Thessalonians – 1 Timothy – 2 Timothy – Titus – Philemon – Hebrews – James – 1 Peter – 2 Peter – 1 John – 2 John – 3 John – Jude – Revelation

    Genesis

    1 – 2 – 3 – 4 – 5 – 6 – 7 – 8 – 9 – 10 – 11 – 12 – 13 – 14 – 15 – 16 – 17 – 18 – 19 – 20

    21 – 22 – 23 – 24 – 25 – 26 – 27 – 28 – 29 – 30 – 31 – 32 – 33 – 34 – 35 – 36 – 37 – 38 – 39 – 40

    41 – 42 – 43 – 44 – 45 – 46 – 47 – 48 – 49 – 50 – My thoughts on Genesis

    Exodus

    1 – 2 – 3 – 4 – 5 – 6 – 7 – 8 – 9 – 10 – 11 – 12 – 13 – 14 – 15 – 16 – 17 – 18 – 19 – 20 – 21 – 22 – 23 – 24 – 25 – 26 – 27 – 28 – 29 – 30 – 31 – 32 – 33 – 34 – 35 – 36 – 37 – 38 – 39 – 40 – My thoughts on Exodus

    Leviticus

    1 – 2 – 3 – 4 – 5 – 6 – 7 – 8 – 9 – 10 – 11 – 12 – 13 – 14 – 15 – 16 – 17 – 18 – 19 – 20 – 21 – 22 – 23 – 24 – 25 – 26 – 27 – My thoughts on Leviticus

    Numbers

    1 – 2 – 3 – 4 – 5 – 6 – 7 – 8 – 9 – 10 – 11 – 12 – 13 – 14 – 15 – 16 – 17 – 18 – 19 – 20 – 21 – 22 – 23 – 24 – 25 – 26 – 27 – 28 – 29 – 30 – 31 – 32 – 33 – 34 – 35 – 36 – My thoughts on Numbers

    Deuteronomy

    1 – 2 – 3 – 4 – 5 – 6 – 7 – 8 – 9 – 10 – 11 – 12 – 13 – 14 – 15 – 16 – 17 – 18 – 19 – 20 – 21 – 22 – 23 – 24 – 25 – 26 – 27 – 28 – 29 – 30 – 31 – 32 – 33 – 34 – My thoughts on Deuteronomy

    Joshua

    1 – 2 – 3 – 4 – 5 – 6 – 7 – 8 – 9 – 10 – 11 – 12 – 13 – 14 – 15 – 16 – 17 – 18 – 19 – 20 – 21 – 22 – 23 – 24 – My thoughts on Joshua

    Judges

    1 – 2 – 3 – 4 – 5 – 6 – 7 – 8 – 9 – 10 – 11 – 12 – 13 – 14 – 15 – 16 – 17 – 18 – 19 – 20 – 21 – My thoughts on Judges

    Ruth

    1 – 2 – 3 – 4 – My thoughts on Ruth

    1-Samuel

    1 – 2 – 3 – 4 – 5 – 6 – 7 – 8 – 9 – 10 – 11 – 12 – 13 – 14 – 15 – 16 – 17 – 18 – 19 – 20 – 21 – 22 – 23 – 24 – 25 – 26 – 27 – 28 – 29 – 30 – 31 – My thoughts on 1-Samuel

    2-Samuel

    1 – 2 – 3 – 4 – 5 – 6 – 7 – 8 – 9 – 10 – 11 – 12 – 13 – 14 – 15 – 16 – 17 – 18 – 19 – 20 – 21 – 22 – 23 – 24 – My thoughts on 2-Samuel

    1-Kings

    1 – 2 – 3 – 4 – 5 – 6 – 7 – 8 – 9 – 10 – 11 – 12 – 13 – 14 – 15 – 16 – 17 – 18 – 19 – 20 – 21 – 22 – My thoughts on 1-Kings

    2-Kings

    1 – 2 – 3 – 4 – 5 – 6 – 7 – 8 – 9 – 10 – 11 – 12 – 13 – 14 – 15 – 16 – 17 – 18 – 19 – 20 – 21 – 22 – 23 – 24 – 25 – My thoughts on 2-Kings

    1-Chronicles

    1 – 2 – 3 – 4 – 5 – 6 – 7 – 8 – 9 – 10 – 11 – 12 – 13 – 14 – 15 – 16 – 17 – 18 – 19 – 20 – 21 – 22 – 23 – 24 – 25 – 26 – 27 – 28 – 29 – My thoughts on 1-Chronicles

    2-Chronicles

    1 – 2 – 3 – 4 – 5 – 6 – 7 – 8 – 9 – 10 – 11 – 12 – 13 – 14 – 15 – 16 – 17 – 18 – 19 – 20 – 21 – 22 – 23 – 24 – 25 – 26 – 27 – 28 – 29 – 30 – 31 – 32 – 33 – 34 – 35 – 36 – My thoughts on 2-Chronicles

    Ezra

    1 – 2 – 3 – 4 – 5 – 6 – 7 – 8 – 9 – 10 – My thoughts on Ezra

    Nehemiah

    1 – 2 – 3 – 4 – 5 – 6 – 7 – 8 – 9 – 10 – 11 – 12 – 13 – My thoughts on Nehemiah

    Esther

    1 – 2 – 3 – 4 – 5 – 6 – 7 – 8 – 9 – 10 – My thoughts on Esther

    Job

    1 – 2 – 3 – 4 – 5 – 6 – 7 – 8 – 9 – 10 – 11 – 12 – 13 – 14 – 15 – 16 – 17 – 18 – 19 – 20 – 21 – 22 – 23 – 24 – 25 – 26 – 27 – 28 – 29 – 30 – 31 – 32 – 33 – 34 – 35 – 36 – 37 – 38 – 39 – 40 – 41 – 42 – My thoughts on Job

    Psalms

    1 – 2 – 3 – 4 – 5 – 6 – 7 – 8 – 9 – 10 – 11 – 12 – 13 – 14 – 15 – 16 – 17 – 18 – 19 – 20 – 21 – 22 – 23 – 24 – 25 – 26 – 27 – 28 – 29 – 30 – 31 – 32 – 33 – 34 – 35 – 36 – 37 – 38 – 39 – 40 – 41 – 42 – 43 – 44 – 45 – 46 – 47 – 48 – 49 – 50 – 51 – 52 – 53 – 54 – 55 – 56 – 57 – 58 – 59 – 60 – 61 – 62 – 63 – 64 – 65 – 66 – 67 – 68 – 69 – 70 – 71 – 72 – 73 – 74 – 75 – 76 – 77 – 78 – 79 – 80 – 81 – 82 – 83 – 84 – 85 – 86 – 87 – 88 – 89 – 90 – 91 – 92 – 93 – 94 – 95 – 96 – 97 – 98 – 99 – 100 – 101 – 102 – 103 – 104 – 105 – 106 – 107 – 108 – 109 – 110 – 111 – 112 – 113 – 114 – 115 – 116 – 117 – 118

     

  • DistroMan 20:00 on October 31, 2011 Permalink
    Tags: , , , , , , , Job, , , , , , ,   

    Job: The Post Mortem 

    Job: What was it all about?

    Oh My Dog!!  That was excruciating reading.  God and Satan sit down for afternoon tea as they probably do every now and then and get talking.  What they really have to talk about is something we aren’t privy too until now.

    God starts bragging about his biggest sycophant, Job.  The guy literally loves God and would do anything, give up anything and say anything for him.  Job is a narcissists wet dream.

    Satan tells God that if he, God, does anything to Job, then Job will turn away from him.  God says no, it wouldn’t happen.  So a bet is made and God gives Satan the go ahead to crap all over Job.  So here you have what is supposedly a compassionate, all loving god that looks after his people, allowing what is supposed to be the most evil being in ‘creation’ to hurt his beloved Job.

    Then the boredom sets in as Job and a few others start whinging and whining, over and over.  It really does nothing to alleviate the lack of morals in this book.  By the time we get to the end and God gives Job a makeup kiss we’re pretty much over it.  It was all for nothing really.  Why should God care about what Satan thinks?  Why should Job or anyone else be so badly put upon for such an idiotic reason?  To finish, God starts talking about some Dragon Snail.   Hey, it breathes fire and leaves a shiny trail.  What would you call it?  :)

    This is, or at least should be a real eye opener for any Christian.  It is proof that God is not the kind and compassionate being he would have them believe.  He’s an evil bastard that does not have his children’s welfare at heart.  He couldn’t have a heart for that matter.  Any being would take better care of their children than this guy would.

    On to Psalms.  Let us hope that something there is worth reading.

    << Job 42      Index      Psalm 1 >>

     

  • DistroMan 20:00 on October 30, 2011 Permalink
    Tags: , , , , , , Job, , , , , , ,   

    Job 42: Occupy Israel!!! 

    Job Part 42 of 42

    1 Then Job answered Yahweh,

    2 “I know that you can do all things,

    and that no purpose of yours can be restrained.

    3 You asked, ‘Who is this who hides counsel without knowledge?’

    therefore I have uttered that which I did not understand,

    things too wonderful for me, which I didn’t know.

    Don’t cave in now!  Stand up for yourself man!

    4 You said, ‘Listen, now, and I will speak;

    I will question you, and you will answer me.’

    5 I had heard of you by the hearing of the ear,

    but now my eye sees you.

    6 Therefore I abhor myself,

    and repent in dust and ashes.”

    Whipped!  Whipped by an imaginary friend.  I’m amazed that man lived through that period.

    7 It was so, that after Yahweh had spoken these words to Job, Yahweh said to Eliphaz the Temanite, “My wrath is kindled against you, and against your two friends; for you have not spoken of me the thing that is right, as my servant Job has.

    8 Now therefore, take to yourselves seven bulls and seven rams, and go to my servant Job, and offer up for yourselves a burnt offering; and my servant Job shall pray for you, for I will accept him, that I not deal with you according to your folly. For you have not spoken of me the thing that is right, as my servant Job has.”

    So far all we are seeing here is that man is supposed to bow and scrape before mr skyfairy.  If not, he gets shit on.  Is this all christianity is made of?  Being afraid?  Are they so afraid that they lie about it being moral?  Is it only called that because they are afraid to say otherwise?  Do they really know the truth and are too scared to admit it?

    9 So Eliphaz the Temanite and Bildad the Shuhite and Zophar the Naamathite went, and did what Yahweh commanded them, and Yahweh accepted Job.

    If it was anyone other than mr skyfairy, I’d be thinking it was nothing but a guilty conscience.  But he doesn’t have on a conscience.

    10 Yahweh turned the captivity of Job, when he prayed for his friends. Yahweh gave Job twice as much as he had before.

    A small recompense for what you put him through.

    11 Then came there to him all his brothers, and all his sisters, and all those who had been of his acquaintance before, and ate bread with him in his house. They comforted him, and consoled him concerning all the evil that Yahweh had brought on him. Everyone also gave him a piece of money, and everyone a ring of gold.

    12 So Yahweh blessed the latter end of Job more than his beginning. He had fourteen thousand sheep, six thousand camels, one thousand yoke of oxen, and a thousand female donkeys.

    What need has one man of so much when others have little to nothing?  Occupy Isreal!!!

    13 He had also seven sons and three daughters.

    14 He called the name of the first, Jemimah; and the name of the second, Keziah; and the name of the third, Keren Happuch.

    15 In all the land were no women found so beautiful as the daughters of Job. Their father gave them an inheritance among their brothers.

    16 After this Job lived one hundred forty years, and saw his sons, and his sons’ sons, to four generations.

    17 So Job died, being old and full of days.

    Can god/skyfairy/moronman die?  He’s full of shit!  Hmmmm?

    << Job 41      Index      Job: The Post Mortem >>

     

     

  • DistroMan 20:00 on October 29, 2011 Permalink
    Tags: , , , , , Job, , , , , ,   

    Job 41: There be Dragon Snails here!!! 

    Job Part 41 of 42

    1 “Can you draw out Leviathan with a fishhook,

    I suppose it depends on the bait I use.  :)

    or press down his tongue with a cord?

    If I could get close enough, safely.

    2 Can you put a rope into his nose,

    or pierce his jaw through with a hook?

    If it tranquilised him first, yes.

    3 Will he make many petitions to you,

    or will he speak soft words to you?

    Ewwwwww, I hope not.

    4 Will he make a covenant with you,

    that you should take him for a servant forever?

    5 Will you play with him as with a bird?

    Or will you bind him for your girls?

    Why don’t you ask reasonable questions instead of this crap?

    6 Will traders barter for him?

    Will they part him among the merchants?

    7 Can you fill his skin with barbed irons,

    or his head with fish spears?

    If I had enough, then quite possibly yes.

    8 Lay your hand on him.

    Remember the battle, and do so no more.

    Stick your finger in your ear and go ting a ling a loo?

    9 Behold, the hope of him is in vain.

    Won’t one be cast down even at the sight of him?

    No.

    10 None is so fierce that he dare stir him up.

    Who then is he who can stand before me?

    Whatever this behemoth is, if it’s real, I can stand before it.  I may not last long, but I can stand.  You on the other hand are easy.  You aren’t real.  I’d be wasting my time standing before something that doesn’t exist.  Then again, I’m talking to you and you don’t exist.  :)

    11 Who has first given to me, that I should repay him?

    Job!

    Everything under the heavens is mine.

    No it’s not.  Would you take away my child’s teddy bear?  Do you claim ownership of children’s toys?

    12 “I will not keep silence concerning his limbs,

    nor his mighty strength, nor his goodly frame.

    13 Who can strip off his outer garment?

    Who shall come within his jaws?

    14 Who can open the doors of his face?

    Around his teeth is terror.

    15 Strong scales are his pride,

    shut up together with a close seal.

    16 One is so near to another,

    that no air can come between them.

    17 They are joined one to another.

    They stick together, so that they can’t be pulled apart.

    18 His sneezing flashes out light.

    Only if you are relying on candles placed close to the beast.  Or is this just another example proving that we’ve grown out of needing a skyfairy?  We have electricity, so this has no meaning and neither do you.

    His eyes are like the eyelids of the morning.

    19 Out of his mouth go burning torches.

    Sparks of fire leap forth.

    Dragons be here!!!

    20 Out of his nostrils a smoke goes,

    as of a boiling pot over a fire of reeds.

    21 His breath kindles coals.

    A flame goes forth from his mouth.

    22 There is strength in his neck.

    Terror dances before him.

    23 The flakes of his flesh are joined together.

    They are firm on him.

    They can’t be moved.

    24 His heart is as firm as a stone,

    yes, firm as the lower millstone.

    25 When he raises himself up, the mighty are afraid.

    They retreat before his thrashing.

    The mighty have never been afraid of dragons.  They’ve never seen one.

    26 If one attacks him with the sword, it can’t prevail;

    nor the spear, the dart, nor the pointed shaft.

    You haven’t watched enough movies then.  I suggest something in 3D.

    27 He counts iron as straw;

    and brass as rotten wood.

    28 The arrow can’t make him flee.

    Sling stones are like chaff to him.

    29 Clubs are counted as stubble.

    He laughs at the rushing of the javelin.

    A laughing dragon?

    30 His undersides are like sharp potsherds,

    leaving a trail in the mud like a threshing sledge.

    31 He makes the deep to boil like a pot.

    He makes the sea like a pot of ointment.

    32 He makes a path shine after him.

    A Dragon Snail?

    One would think the deep had white hair.

    33 On earth there is not his equal,

    that is made without fear.

    34 He sees everything that is high.

    He is king over all the sons of pride.”

    Fossils or it ain’t true.

    << Job 40      Index      Job 42 >>

     

  • DistroMan 20:00 on October 28, 2011 Permalink
    Tags: , , , , , , Job, , , , , ,   

    Job 40: Look at me! I’m so good. Look at me! – God. 

    Job Part 40 of 42

    1 Moreover Yahweh answered Job,

    2 “Shall he who argues contend with the Almighty?

    When one is being put upon by morons, then yes, I think it’s quite allowable to question their motives.

    He who argues with God, let him answer it.”

    3 Then Job answered Yahweh,

    4 “Behold, I am of small account. What shall I answer you?

    I lay my hand on my mouth.

    5 I have spoken once, and I will not answer;

    Yes, twice, but I will proceed no further.”

    6 Then Yahweh answered Job out of the whirlwind,

    7 “Now brace yourself like a man.

    I will question you, and you will answer me.

    Bully.  But we knew that.

    8 Will you even annul my judgment?

    Will you condemn me, that you may be justified?

    I would.  You unjustly allowed Job to be harassed by Satan for your own self aggrandizement.

    9 Or do you have an arm like God?

    Can you thunder with a voice like him?

    10 “Now deck yourself with excellency and dignity.

    Array yourself with honor and majesty.

    11 Pour out the fury of your anger.

    Look at everyone who is proud, and bring him low.

    Why would you want to do that though?

    12 Look at everyone who is proud, and humble him.

    Crush the wicked in their place.

    13 Hide them in the dust together.

    Bind their faces in the hidden place.

    You’re a mean son-of-a-bitch aren’t you!

    14 Then I will also admit to you

    that your own right hand can save you.

    15 “See now, behemoth, which I made as well as you.

    He eats grass as an ox.

    16 Look now, his strength is in his thighs.

    His force is in the muscles of his belly.

    17 He moves his tail like a cedar.

    The sinews of his thighs are knit together.

    18 His bones are like tubes of brass.

    His limbs are like bars of iron.

    19 He is the chief of the ways of God.

    He who made him gives him his sword.

    20 Surely the mountains produce food for him,

    where all the animals of the field play.

    21 He lies under the lotus trees,

    in the covert of the reed, and the marsh.

    22 The lotuses cover him with their shade.

    The willows of the brook surround him.

    23 Behold, if a river overflows, he doesn’t tremble.

    He is confident, though the Jordan swells even to his mouth.

    24 Shall any take him when he is on the watch,

    or pierce through his nose with a snare?

    OMDog!  Who cares?  I really don’t give a shit whether you created this freaking behemoth or not.  THAT does NOT make you MORAL. It just means you are a female behemoth.  Moron.

    << Job 39      Index      Job 41 >>

     

  • DistroMan 20:00 on October 27, 2011 Permalink
    Tags: , , , , , , Job, , , , , ,   

    Job 39: I bet Job wished he’d had Google. 

    Job Part 39 of 42

    1 “Do you know the time when the mountain goats give birth?

    Mountain Goats breed in the fall and give birth six months later in the spring. All easy to Google now.  :)

    Do you watch when the doe bears fawns?

    2 Can you number the months that they fulfill?

    Or do you know the time when they give birth?

    3 They bow themselves, they bring forth their young,

    they end their labor pains.

    Ah, a good question comes to mind.  If the pain and suffering that women go through with periods and childbirth is something that God inflicts upon them because of some perceived sin they have committed, what reason does he have for making most other female animals on the planet suffer in the same manner?

    4 Their young ones become strong.

    They grow up in the open field.

    They go forth, and don’t return again.

    5 “Who has set the wild donkey free?

    Or who has loosened the bonds of the swift donkey,

    6 Whose home I have made the wilderness,

    and the salt land his dwelling place?

    When the first donkey found that salt, they probably just stayed there.  Even humans are most likely to stay in a place that suits them.  Nothing to do with cartoon characters.

    7 He scorns the tumult of the city,

    neither does he hear the shouting of the driver.

    8 The range of the mountains is his pasture,

    He searches after every green thing.

    9 “Will the wild ox be content to serve you?

    Or will he stay by your feeding trough?

    10 Can you hold the wild ox in the furrow with his harness?

    Or will he till the valleys after you?

    11 Will you trust him, because his strength is great?

    Or will you leave to him your labor?

    12 Will you confide in him, that he will bring home your seed,

    and gather the grain of your threshing floor?

    13 “The wings of the ostrich wave proudly;

    but are they the feathers and plumage of love?

    Does the rain fall and will it go splat when it hits the ground?  Sensible questions would help moron.

    14 For she leaves her eggs on the earth,

    warms them in the dust,

    15 and forgets that the foot may crush them,

    or that the wild animal may trample them.

    16 She deals harshly with her young ones, as if they were not hers.

    Though her labor is in vain, she is without fear,

    17 because God has deprived her of wisdom,

    neither has he imparted to her understanding.

    Why?  It’s all well and good to make statements about nature, but if you wish to attribute them to a god, then explain why he did this and how?  Oh, sorry.  I forgot.  You aren’t in the business of providing evidence.  Silly me.

    18 When she lifts up herself on high,

    she scorns the horse and his rider.

    19 “Have you given the horse might?

    Have you clothed his neck with a quivering mane?

    20 Have you made him to leap as a locust?

    The glory of his snorting is awesome.

    21 He paws in the valley, and rejoices in his strength.

    He goes out to meet the armed men.

    22 He mocks at fear, and is not dismayed,

    neither does he turn back from the sword.

    23 The quiver rattles against him,

    the flashing spear and the javelin.

    24 He eats up the ground with fierceness and rage,

    neither does he stand still at the sound of the trumpet.

    25 As often as the trumpet sounds he snorts, ‘Aha!’

    A horse can say ‘Aha’?

    He smells the battle afar off,

    the thunder of the captains, and the shouting.

    26 “Is it by your wisdom that the hawk soars,

    and stretches her wings toward the south?

    27 Is it at your command that the eagle mounts up,

    and makes his nest on high?

    28 On the cliff he dwells, and makes his home,

    on the point of the cliff, and the stronghold.

    29 From there he spies out the prey.

    His eyes see it afar off.

    30 His young ones also suck up blood.

    Where the slain are, there he is.”

    We’re getting closer to the end of Job and you’re making less sense than earlier.  When, oh when are we going to get onto something with even a grain of moral teaching to it?

    << Job 38      Index      Job 40 >>

     

  • DistroMan 20:00 on October 26, 2011 Permalink
    Tags: , , , , , Job, , , , , ,   

    Job 38: If you can’t beat them, ask dumb questions. 

    Job Part 38 of 42

    1 Then Yahweh answered Job out of the whirlwind,

    2 “Who is this who darkens counsel

    by words without knowledge?

    Just a man who trusted you.  A man you let down.

    3 Brace yourself like a man,

    for I will question you, then you answer me!

    Unnecessary.  You should know the answers already.

    4 “Where were you when I laid the foundations of the earth?

    Declare, if you have understanding.

    5 Who determined its measures, if you know?

    Or who stretched the line on it?

    Not you.

    6 Whereupon were its foundations fastened?

    Or who laid its cornerstone,

    Not you.

    7 when the morning stars sang together,

    and all the sons of God shouted for joy?

    8 “Or who shut up the sea with doors,

    when it broke forth from the womb,

    9 when I made clouds its garment,

    and wrapped it in thick darkness,

    10 marked out for it my bound,

    set bars and doors,

    11 and said, ‘Here you may come, but no further.

    Here your proud waves shall be stayed?’

    Certainly not you.

    12 “Have you commanded the morning in your days,

    and caused the dawn to know its place;

    13 that it might take hold of the ends of the earth,

    and shake the wicked out of it?

    I have as much chance of doing that as do you.  At least I’m real.

    14 It is changed as clay under the seal,

    and stands forth as a garment.

    15 From the wicked, their light is withheld.

    The high arm is broken.

    16 “Have you entered into the springs of the sea?

    Or have you walked in the recesses of the deep?

    17 Have the gates of death been revealed to you?

    Or have you seen the gates of the shadow of death?

    Nobody has if they are being honest with themselves.

    18 Have you comprehended the earth in its breadth?

    Declare, if you know it all.

    19 “What is the way to the dwelling of light?

    As for darkness, where is its place,

    Just over here near my light switch.

    20 that you should take it to its bound,

    that you should discern the paths to its house?

    21 Surely you know, for you were born then,

    and the number of your days is great!

    The number of my days has not been determined.

    22 Have you entered the treasuries of the snow,

    or have you seen the treasures of the hail,

    23 which I have reserved against the time of trouble,

    against the day of battle and war?

    24 By what way is the lightning distributed,

    or the east wind scattered on the earth?

    Neither am I a meteorologist, but we do have them and they know all this stuff.

    25 Who has cut a channel for the flood water,

    or the path for the thunderstorm;

    Channels for floodwater has been done by man.

    26 To cause it to rain on a land where no man is;

    on the wilderness, in which there is no man;

    If there is no man there, there is no proof it has been done.

    27 to satisfy the waste and desolate ground,

    to cause the tender grass to spring forth?

    I just have to turn on the sprinkler dude.

    28 Does the rain have a father?

    Or who fathers the drops of dew?

    29 Out of whose womb came the ice?

    The gray frost of the sky, who has given birth to it?

    Mother Nature?  :)

    30 The waters become hard like stone,

    when the surface of the deep is frozen.

    31 “Can you bind the cluster of the Pleiades,

    or loosen the cords of Orion?

    No, and neither can you.

    32 Can you lead forth the constellations in their season?

    Or can you guide the Bear with her cubs?

    I can track them now.

    33 Do you know the laws of the heavens?

    We’re getting there.

    Can you establish its dominion over the earth?

    34 “Can you lift up your voice to the clouds,

    That abundance of waters may cover you?

    35 Can you send forth lightnings, that they may go?

    Do they report to you, ‘Here we are?’

    You hear voices too?  Lunatic.

    36 Who has put wisdom in the inward parts?

    Or who has given understanding to the mind?

    37 Who can number the clouds by wisdom?

    Or who can pour out the bottles of the sky,

    38 when the dust runs into a mass,

    and the clods of earth stick together?

    This would be much simpler if you got your translators to do a better job.

    39 “Can you hunt the prey for the lioness,

    or satisfy the appetite of the young lions,

    40 when they crouch in their dens,

    and lie in wait in the thicket?

    No, and neither can you.

    41 Who provides for the raven his prey,

    when his young ones cry to God,

    and wander for lack of food?

    The Raven does, fool.

    << Job 37      Index      Job 39 >>

     

  • DistroMan 20:00 on October 25, 2011 Permalink
    Tags: , , , , , Job, , , , , ,   

    Job 37: I am SkyFairy, hear me whimper! 

    Job Part 37 of 42

    1 “Yes, at this my heart trembles,

    and is moved out of its place.

    Pics or it ain’t true!!!

    2 Hear, oh, hear the noise of his voice,

    the sound that goes out of his mouth.

    That has to be better than the sounds that come from other places.

    3 He sends it forth under the whole sky,

    and his lightning to the ends of the earth.

    4 After it a voice roars.

    He thunders with the voice of his majesty.

    He doesn’t hold back anything when his voice is heard.

    5 God thunders marvelously with his voice.

    He does great things, which we can’t comprehend.

    If you used the same amount of words to tell us about the good things he does and how it would make us better people to follow his example, it might be worth it.  But to blather on and on making no sense at all is just plain boring.  Nothing you say has any bearing on being moral or making our lives better.  It’s just words.  Not very well put together either.

    6 For he says to the snow, ‘Fall on the earth;’

    likewise to the shower of rain,

    and to the showers of his mighty rain.

    He speaks to snow?  Does the snow speak to him too?

    7 He seals up the hand of every man,

    that all men whom he has made may know it.

    What happens if you don’t seal it?  Does the blood run out?

    8 Then the animals take cover,

    and remain in their dens.

    9 Out of its room comes the storm,

    and cold out of the north.

    10 By the breath of God, ice is given,

    and the breadth of the waters is frozen.

    It comes from having such a cold heart.  If he even has a heart.

    11 Yes, he loads the thick cloud with moisture.

    He spreads abroad the cloud of his lightning.

    12 It is turned around by his guidance,

    that they may do whatever he commands them

    on the surface of the habitable world,

    13 Whether it is for correction, or for his land,

    or for loving kindness, that he causes it to come.

    Or for killing hundreds of thousands of innocent people.

    14 “Listen to this, Job.

    Stand still, and consider the wondrous works of God.

    That should take all of about 1 millisecond.

    15 Do you know how God controls them,

    and causes the lightning of his cloud to shine?

    16 Do you know the workings of the clouds,

    the wondrous works of him who is perfect in knowledge?

    It makes no matter how, just if he does, and he DOESN’T.

    17 You whose clothing is warm,

    when the earth is still by reason of the south wind?

    The earth is still?  Because of a wind?  Moron.

    18 Can you, with him, spread out the sky,

    which is strong as a cast metal mirror?

    You can’t spread out that which covers the whole.  Moron.

    19Teach us what we shall tell him,

    for we can’t make our case by reason of darkness.

    20 Shall it be told him that I would speak?

    Or should a man wish that he were swallowed up?

    21 Now men don’t see the light which is bright in the skies,

    but the wind passes, and clears them.

    22 Out of the north comes golden splendor.

    With God is awesome majesty.

    23 We can’t reach the Almighty.

    He is exalted in power.

    In justice and great righteousness, he will not oppress.

    You haven’t read his resume, have you!

    24 Therefore men revere him.

    Only those credulous enough to believe in a skyfairy.

    He doesn’t regard any who are wise of heart.”

    << Job 36      Index      Job 38 >>

     

  • DistroMan 20:00 on October 24, 2011 Permalink
    Tags: , , , , , , Job, , , , , ,   

    Job 36: Lay down your bible and walk away. Just say NO! 

    Job Part 36 of 42

    1 Elihu also continued, and said,

    2 “Bear with me a little, and I will show you;

    for I still have something to say on God’s behalf.

    Ah, this is on God’s behalf?  He can’t talk for himself?  Or is this all in your imagination?

    3 I will get my knowledge from afar,

    and will ascribe righteousness to my Maker.

    Admitting you have no knowledge or righteousness of your own.

    4 For truly my words are not false.

    One who is perfect in knowledge is with you.

    Without any knowledge of your own, you can’t know that.  Nothing you say can be taken as fact.

    5 “Behold, God is mighty, and doesn’t despise anyone.

    Doesn’t despise?  That’s not what he says.  Read your bible.

    He is mighty in strength of understanding.

    6 He doesn’t preserve the life of the wicked,

    but gives to the afflicted their right.

    7 He doesn’t withdraw his eyes from the righteous,

    He just did with Job.

    but with kings on the throne,

    he sets them forever, and they are exalted.

    Monarchies are not a good way to rule, so setting people on thrones forever is a little short of moral.

    8 If they are bound in fetters,

    and are taken in the cords of afflictions,

    9 then he shows them their work,

    and their transgressions, that they have behaved themselves proudly.

    If they are slaves to his wishes he treats them a little better but only as long as it serves his agenda.  He’ll gladly allow them to be killed by their enemies if it serves his purpose better.

    10 He also opens their ears to instruction,

    and commands that they return from iniquity.

    11 If they listen and serve him,

    they shall spend their days in prosperity,

    and their years in pleasures.

    Again, JOB!  Think about it.

    12 But if they don’t listen, they shall perish by the sword;

    they shall die without knowledge.

    13 “But those who are godless in heart lay up anger.

    They don’t cry for help when he binds them.

    Because the godless know better than to pray to fairytale monsters.

    14 They die in youth.

    Their life perishes among the unclean.

    Many godfearing people die much earlier than the godless because they trust He will take care of them.  As usual, he doesn’t.

    15 He delivers the afflicted by their affliction,

    and opens their ear in oppression.

    16 Yes, he would have allured you out of distress,

    into a broad place, where there is no restriction.

    That which is set on your table would be full of fatness.

    17 “But you are full of the judgment of the wicked.

    Judgment and justice take hold of you.

    18 Don’t let riches entice you to wrath,

    neither let the great size of a bribe turn you aside.

    Offering everlasting happiness in heaven to those who follow him blindly is a bribe.  A false bribe, but still a bribe.

    19 Would your wealth sustain you in distress,

    or all the might of your strength?

    20 Don’t desire the night,

    when people are cut off in their place.

    21 Take heed, don’t regard iniquity;

    for you have chosen this rather than affliction.

    22 Behold, God is exalted in his power.

    Who is a teacher like him?

    Like or better?  If better, then Ghandi, Buddha and my Aunt Mary.

    23 Who has prescribed his way for him?

    Or who can say, ‘You have committed unrighteousness?’

    24 “Remember that you magnify his work,

    whereof men have sung.

    25 All men have looked thereon.

    Man sees it afar off.

    26 Behold, God is great, and we don’t know him.

    If you don’t know him, how do you know he is great?

    The number of his years is unsearchable.

    Everything about him us unsearchable because it’s all made up.  Fairytales.  Myths.

    27 For he draws up the drops of water,

    which distill in rain from his vapor,

    28 Which the skies pour down

    and which drop on man abundantly.

    Floods that kill.

    29 Yes, can any understand the spreading of the clouds,

    and the thunderings of his pavilion?

    Meteorologists.

    30 Behold, he spreads his light around him.

    He covers the bottom of the sea.

    31 For by these he judges the people.

    He gives food in abundance.

    Famines.

    32 He covers his hands with the lightning,

    and commands it to strike the mark.

    Bushfires.

    33 Its noise tells about him,

    and the livestock also concerning the storm that comes up.

    Try making sense next time.  This is rubbish.

    << Job 35      Index      Job 37 >>

     

  • DistroMan 20:00 on October 23, 2011 Permalink
    Tags: , , , , , Job, , , , , ,   

    Job 35: More blah, blah, blah! 

    Job Part 35 of 42

    1 Moreover Elihu answered,

    2 “Do you think this to be your right,

    or do you say, ‘My righteousness is more than God’s,’

    The way the question is being asked is if ‘you’ think you are better than God.

    3 That you ask, ‘What advantage will it be to you?

    What profit shall I have, more than if I had sinned?’

    4 I will answer you,

    and your companions with you.

    5 Look to the heavens, and see.

    See the skies, which are higher than you.

    6 If you have sinned, what effect do you have against him?

    If your transgressions are multiplied, what do you do to him?

    7 If you are righteous, what do you give him?

    Or what does he receive from your hand?

    8 Your wickedness may hurt a man as you are,

    and your righteousness may profit a son of man.

    So you think a man can have both wickedness and righteousness?

    9 “By reason of the multitude of oppressions they cry out.

    They cry for help by reason of the arm of the mighty.

    10 But none says, ‘Where is God my Maker,

    who gives songs in the night,

    Was he keeping you up with the noise?

    11 who teaches us more than the animals of the earth,

    and makes us wiser than the birds of the sky?’

    Birds of the sky are wise?

    12 There they cry, but none gives answer,

    because of the pride of evil men.

    13 Surely God will not hear an empty cry,

    Figments of your imagination can’t hear anything.

    neither will the Almighty regard it.

    14 How much less when you say you don’t see him.

    The cause is before him, and you wait for him!

    15 But now, because he has not visited in his anger,

    neither does he greatly regard arrogance.

    16 Therefore Job opens his mouth with empty talk,

    and he multiplies words without knowledge.”

    Everything I’ve read here is empty talk.  Not one person seems to know the whole story, yet everyone but Job thinks they do.  Not that it is surprising.  After all, it is The Bible.

    << Job 34      Index      Job 36 >>

     

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