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  • DistroMan 20:00 on February 29, 2012 Permalink
    Tags: Chronicles, , , , , , index, , , , Kings, , , Numbers, , ,   

    Distro’s Bible Commentary: An Index 

    Warning: The Bible is a work of fiction and should not be taken literally. It contains verses descriptive of, or advocating suicide, incest, bestiality, sadomasochism, sexual activity in a violet manner, murder, morbid violence, use of drugs or alcohol, homosexuality, voyeurism, revenge, animal cruelty, undermining of authority figures, lawlessness and human rights violations and atrocities.

    Exposure to contents for extended periods of time or during formative years in children may cause delusions, hallucinations, decreased cognitive and objective reasoning abilities, and, in extreme cases, pathological disorders, hatred, bigotry and violence including but not limited to fanaticism, murder and genocide.

    Genesis – Exodus – Leviticus – Numbers – Deuteronomy – Joshua – Judges – Ruth – 1-Samuel – 2 Samuel – 1 Kings – 2 Kings – 1 Chronicles – 2 Chronicles – Ezra – Nehemiah – Esther – Job – Psalms – Proverbs – Ecclesiastes – Song of Solomon – Isaiah – Jeremiah – Lamentations – Ezekiel – Daniel – Hosea – Joel – Amos – Obadiah – Jonah – Micah – Nahum – Habakkuk – Zephaniah – Haggai – Zechariah – Malachi – Matthew – Mark – Luke – John – Acts – Romans – 1 Corinthians – 2 Corinthians – Galatians – Ephesians – Philippians – Colossians – 1 Thessalonians – 2 Thessalonians – 1 Timothy – 2 Timothy – Titus – Philemon – Hebrews – James – 1 Peter – 2 Peter – 1 John – 2 John – 3 John – Jude – Revelation

    Genesis

    1 – 2 – 3 – 4 – 5 – 6 – 7 – 8 – 9 – 10 – 11 – 12 – 13 – 14 – 15 – 16 – 17 – 18 – 19 – 20

    21 – 22 – 23 – 24 – 25 – 26 – 27 – 28 – 29 – 30 – 31 – 32 – 33 – 34 – 35 – 36 – 37 – 38 – 39 – 40

    41 – 42 – 43 – 44 – 45 – 46 – 47 – 48 – 49 – 50 – My thoughts on Genesis

    Exodus

    1 – 2 – 3 – 4 – 5 – 6 – 7 – 8 – 9 – 10 – 11 – 12 – 13 – 14 – 15 – 16 – 17 – 18 – 19 – 20 – 21 – 22 – 23 – 24 – 25 – 26 – 27 – 28 – 29 – 30 – 31 – 32 – 33 – 34 – 35 – 36 – 37 – 38 – 39 – 40 – My thoughts on Exodus

    Leviticus

    1 – 2 – 3 – 4 – 5 – 6 – 7 – 8 – 9 – 10 – 11 – 12 – 13 – 14 – 15 – 16 – 17 – 18 – 19 – 20 – 21 – 22 – 23 – 24 – 25 – 26 – 27 – My thoughts on Leviticus

    Numbers

    1 – 2 – 3 – 4 – 5 – 6 – 7 – 8 – 9 – 10 – 11 – 12 – 13 – 14 – 15 – 16 – 17 – 18 – 19 – 20 – 21 – 22 – 23 – 24 – 25 – 26 – 27 – 28 – 29 – 30 – 31 – 32 – 33 – 34 – 35 – 36 – My thoughts on Numbers

    Deuteronomy

    1 – 2 – 3 – 4 – 5 – 6 – 7 – 8 – 9 – 10 – 11 – 12 – 13 – 14 – 15 – 16 – 17 – 18 – 19 – 20 – 21 – 22 – 23 – 24 – 25 – 26 – 27 – 28 – 29 – 30 – 31 – 32 – 33 – 34 – My thoughts on Deuteronomy

    Joshua

    1 – 2 – 3 – 4 – 5 – 6 – 7 – 8 – 9 – 10 – 11 – 12 – 13 – 14 – 15 – 16 – 17 – 18 – 19 – 20 – 21 – 22 – 23 – 24 – My thoughts on Joshua

    Judges

    1 – 2 – 3 – 4 – 5 – 6 – 7 – 8 – 9 – 10 – 11 – 12 – 13 – 14 – 15 – 16 – 17 – 18 – 19 – 20 – 21 – My thoughts on Judges

    Ruth

    1 – 2 – 3 – 4 – My thoughts on Ruth

    1-Samuel

    1 – 2 – 3 – 4 – 5 – 6 – 7 – 8 – 9 – 10 – 11 – 12 – 13 – 14 – 15 – 16 – 17 – 18 – 19 – 20 – 21 – 22 – 23 – 24 – 25 – 26 – 27 – 28 – 29 – 30 – 31 – My thoughts on 1-Samuel

    2-Samuel

    1 – 2 – 3 – 4 – 5 – 6 – 7 – 8 – 9 – 10 – 11 – 12 – 13 – 14 – 15 – 16 – 17 – 18 – 19 – 20 – 21 – 22 – 23 – 24 – My thoughts on 2-Samuel

    1-Kings

    1 – 2 – 3 – 4 – 5 – 6 – 7 – 8 – 9 – 10 – 11 – 12 – 13 – 14 – 15 – 16 – 17 – 18 – 19 – 20 – 21 – 22 – My thoughts on 1-Kings

    2-Kings

    1 – 2 – 3 – 4 – 5 – 6 – 7 – 8 – 9 – 10 – 11 – 12 – 13 – 14 – 15 – 16 – 17 – 18 – 19 – 20 – 21 – 22 – 23 – 24 – 25 – My thoughts on 2-Kings

    1-Chronicles

    1 – 2 – 3 – 4 – 5 – 6 – 7 – 8 – 9 – 10 – 11 – 12 – 13 – 14 – 15 – 16 – 17 – 18 – 19 – 20 – 21 – 22 – 23 – 24 – 25 – 26 – 27 – 28 – 29 – My thoughts on 1-Chronicles

    2-Chronicles

    1 – 2 – 3 – 4 – 5 – 6 – 7 – 8 – 9 – 10 – 11 – 12 – 13 – 14 – 15 – 16 – 17 – 18 – 19 – 20 – 21 – 22 – 23 – 24 – 25 – 26 – 27 – 28 – 29 – 30 – 31 – 32 – 33 – 34 – 35 – 36 – My thoughts on 2-Chronicles

    Ezra

    1 – 2 – 3 – 4 – 5 – 6 – 7 – 8 – 9 – 10 – My thoughts on Ezra

    Nehemiah

    1 – 2 – 3 – 4 – 5 – 6 – 7 – 8 – 9 – 10 – 11 – 12 – 13 – My thoughts on Nehemiah

    Esther

    1 – 2 – 3 – 4 – 5 – 6 – 7 – 8 – 9 – 10 – My thoughts on Esther

    Job

    1 – 2 – 3 – 4 – 5 – 6 – 7 – 8 – 9 – 10 – 11 – 12 – 13 – 14 – 15 – 16 – 17 – 18 – 19 – 20 – 21 – 22 – 23 – 24 – 25 – 26 – 27 – 28 – 29 – 30 – 31 – 32 – 33 – 34 – 35 – 36 – 37 – 38 – 39 – 40 – 41 – 42 – My thoughts on Job

    Psalms

    1 – 2 – 3 – 4 – 5 – 6 – 7 – 8 – 9 – 10 – 11 – 12 – 13 – 14 – 15 – 16 – 17 – 18 – 19 – 20 – 21 – 22 – 23 – 24 – 25 – 26 – 27 – 28 – 29 – 30 – 31 – 32 – 33 – 34 – 35 – 36 – 37 – 38 – 39 – 40 – 41 – 42 – 43 – 44 – 45 – 46 – 47 – 48 – 49 – 50 – 51 – 52 – 53 – 54 – 55 – 56 – 57 – 58 – 59 – 60 – 61 – 62 – 63 – 64 – 65 – 66 – 67 – 68 – 69 – 70 – 71 – 72 – 73 – 74 – 75 – 76 – 77 – 78 – 79 – 80 – 81 – 82 – 83 – 84 – 85 – 86 – 87 – 88 – 89 – 90 – 91 – 92 – 93 – 94 – 95 – 96 – 97 – 98 – 99 – 100 – 101 – 102 – 103 – 104 – 105 – 106 – 107 – 108 – 109 – 110 – 111 – 112 – 113 – 114 – 115 – 116 – 117 – 118

     

  • DistroMan 20:00 on November 25, 2010 Permalink
    Tags: , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , Numbers, , , , , ,   

    Deuteronomy 2: The Crap Continues 

    Deuteronomy: Part 2 of 34
    Wanderings in the Wilderness

    1 Then we turned back and set out toward the wilderness along the route to the Red Sea, as the LORD had directed me. For a long time we made our way around the hill country of Seir.

    It was very nice when we stopped at a caravan park.  Such lovely neighbours.  The wife and I took out the doubles championship in the eight legged race with a camel.  We’re thinking of going back next year.

    2 Then the LORD said to me,

    Do we have any deckchairs?

    3 “You have made your way around this hill country long enough; now turn north.

    Harumph!  Can’t even say please.  How wude!

    4 Give the people these orders: ‘You are about to pass through the territory of your relatives the descendants of Esau, who live in Seir. They will be afraid of you, but be very careful.

    5 Do not provoke them to war, for I will not give you any of their land, not even enough to put your foot on. I have given Esau the hill country of Seir as his own.

    6 You are to pay them in silver for the food you eat and the water you drink.’”

    7 The LORD your God has blessed you in all the work of your hands. He has watched over your journey through this vast wilderness. These forty years the LORD your God has been with you, and you have not lacked anything.

    Except freedom of choice, equality, life without fear, etc…

    8 So we went on past our relatives the descendants of Esau, who live in Seir. We turned from the Arabah road, which comes up from Elath and Ezion Geber, and traveled along the desert road of Moab.

    9 Then the LORD said to me, “Do not harass the Moabites or provoke them to war, for I will not give you any part of their land. I have given Ar to the descendants of Lot as a possession.”

    10 (The Emites used to live there—a people strong and numerous, and as tall as the Anakites.

    And they were driven off their land as well?  Wouldn’t surprise me.

    11 Like the Anakites, they too were considered Rephaites, but the Moabites called them Emites.

    12 Horites used to live in Seir, but the descendants of Esau drove them out. They destroyed the Horites from before them and settled in their place, just as Israel did in the land the LORD gave them as their possession.)

    Well, that answers my question.  Typical.

    13 And the LORD said, “Now get up and cross the Zered Valley.” So we crossed the valley.

    When he said dig latrines you did that too, but what the hell has this to do with being a good person?  Running around the countryside slaughtering the innocent just makes you a bad person/people/nation.

    14 Thirty-eight years passed from the time we left Kadesh Barnea until we crossed the Zered Valley. By then, that entire generation of fighting men had perished from the camp, as the LORD had sworn to them.

    Of course he couldn’t just allow them to go back where they came from and live out their lives.

    15 The LORD’s hand was against them until he had completely eliminated them from the camp.

    It’s what he does best.

    16 Now when the last of these fighting men among the people had died,

    17 the LORD said to me,

    18 “Today you are to pass by the region of Moab at Ar.

    There thou shalt take a dump.  It will be known as Dumpasmelione.

    19 When you come to the Ammonites, do not harass them or provoke them to war, for I will not give you possession of any land belonging to the Ammonites. I have given it as a possession to the descendants of Lot.”

    20 (That too was considered a land of the Rephaites, who used to live there; but the Ammonites called them Zamzummites.

    21 They were a people strong and numerous, and as tall as the Anakites. The LORD destroyed them from before the Ammonites, who drove them out and settled in their place.

    And on it goes.  Kill, rape, pillage.

    22 The LORD had done the same for the descendants of Esau, who lived in Seir, when he destroyed the Horites from before them. They drove them out and have lived in their place to this day.

    23 And as for the Avvites who lived in villages as far as Gaza, the Caphtorites coming out from Caphtor destroyed them and settled in their place.)

    Defeat of Sihon King of Heshbon

    24 “Set out now and cross the Arnon Gorge. See, I have given into your hand Sihon the Amorite, king of Heshbon, and his country. Begin to take possession of it and engage him in battle.

    I still want to know why God prefers blood and guts instead of just snapping his finger and either putting them somewhere else on the planet or zapping them out of existence.

    25 This very day I will begin to put the terror and fear of you on all the nations under heaven. They will hear reports of you and will tremble and be in anguish because of you.”

    Doesn’t sound a very nice thing to do to people.

    26 From the Desert of Kedemoth I sent messengers to Sihon king of Heshbon offering peace and saying,

    27 “Let us pass through your country. We will stay on the main road; we will not turn aside to the right or to the left.

    28 Sell us food to eat and water to drink for their price in silver. Only let us pass through on foot—

    29 as the descendants of Esau, who live in Seir, and the Moabites, who live in Ar, did for us—until we cross the Jordan into the land the LORD our God is giving us.”

    30 But Sihon king of Heshbon refused to let us pass through. For the LORD your God had made his spirit stubborn and his heart obstinate in order to give him into your hands, as he has now done.

    Right there.  The King was willing to do the right thing and allow you free passage, but no, not good enough for God.  He has to change the game and have them killed.

    31 The LORD said to me, “See, I have begun to deliver Sihon and his country over to you. Now begin to conquer and possess his land.”

    32 When Sihon and all his army came out to meet us in battle at Jahaz,

    33 the LORD our God delivered him over to us and we struck him down, together with his sons and his whole army.

    34 At that time we took all his towns and completely destroyed them—men, women and children. We left no survivors.

    Oh so proud of your accomplishments too I see.  God must be pleased.

    35 But the livestock and the plunder from the towns we had captured we carried off for ourselves.

    36 From Aroer on the rim of the Arnon Gorge, and from the town in the gorge, even as far as Gilead, not one town was too strong for us. The LORD our God gave us all of them.

    37 But in accordance with the command of the LORD our God, you did not encroach on any of the land of the Ammonites, neither the land along the course of the Jabbok nor that around the towns in the hills.

    Evil bastards ruled by an evil god.

    Aren’t you glad this is just a fairy tale?  :)

    << Deuteronomy 1      Index      Deuteronomy 3 >>

     

  • DistroMan 20:00 on November 23, 2010 Permalink
    Tags: , , , , , , , , , , , , , , Numbers, , , , ,   

    Numbers: The Post Mortem 

    Numbers: What was it all about?

    Numbers was a bloody good name for this book of the bible.  All it boils down to is gloating about:

    • the amount of animals they have killed
    • the amount of people, adults and children, they have killed
    • how much land they have taken from the owners after killing them
    • how women are nothing but sex objects and slaves to the men
    • how God has nothing in mind but using humans to satisfy his own bloodlust and delusions of grandeur

    Whereas I saw Genesis as mostly idiotic nonsense from people that couldn’t have known better, Exodus as an atrocious story of victimisation against the Egyptians and Leviticus as a pathetic attempt to lay down laws as to how we should order our lives in the service of a mythical fairy tale character, Numbers has outdone them all in it’s barbaric and inhumane treatment of animals.  It then goes on to show how little they think of women and children.  When they kill everyone but female virgins, they say a lot about the type of people they are.

    God was supposed to have created us all, but he only helps a small percentage of the planets population.  They suffer under his vindictive dictatorship even when they are obeying his directions.

    After reading Numbers I am even more of the opinion that very few, very very few people, have ever really read the bible.  If they had then the numbers of religious followers would be so small as to make religion as inconsequential as I hope it will one day become.  I live in hope.

    << Numbers 36      Index      Deuteronomy 1 >>

     

  • DistroMan 20:00 on November 22, 2010 Permalink
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    Numbers 36: More laws and crap 

    Numbers: Part 36 of 36
    Inheritance of Zelophehad’s Daughters

    1 The family heads of the clan of Gilead son of Makir, the son of Manasseh, who were from the clans of the descendants of Joseph, came and spoke before Moses and the leaders, the heads of the Israelite families.

    2 They said, “When the LORD commanded my lord to give the land as an inheritance to the Israelites by lot, he ordered you to give the inheritance of our brother Zelophehad to his daughters.

    As is only right.

    3 Now suppose they marry men from other Israelite tribes; then their inheritance will be taken from our ancestral inheritance and added to that of the tribe they marry into. And so part of the inheritance allotted to us will be taken away.

    4 When the Year of Jubilee for the Israelites comes, their inheritance will be added to that of the tribe into which they marry, and their property will be taken from the tribal inheritance of our ancestors.”

    5 Then at the LORD’s command Moses gave this order to the Israelites: “What the tribe of the descendants of Joseph is saying is right.

    6 This is what the LORD commands for Zelophehad’s daughters: They may marry anyone they please as long as they marry within their father’s tribal clan.

    7 No inheritance in Israel is to pass from one tribe to another, for every Israelite shall keep the tribal inheritance of their ancestors.

    8 Every daughter who inherits land in any Israelite tribe must marry someone in her father’s tribal clan, so that every Israelite will possess the inheritance of their ancestors.

    9 No inheritance may pass from one tribe to another, for each Israelite tribe is to keep the land it inherits.”

    10 So Zelophehad’s daughters did as the LORD commanded Moses.

    11 Zelophehad’s daughters—Mahlah, Tirzah, Hoglah, Milkah and Noah—married their cousins on their father’s side.

    12 They married within the clans of the descendants of Manasseh son of Joseph, and their inheritance remained in their father’s tribe and clan.

    13 These are the commands and regulations the LORD gave through Moses to the Israelites on the plains of Moab by the Jordan across from Jericho.

    If the daughters got their inheritance in the same manner as the males and everyone gave up this idiotic notion of ‘tribes’, then what difference would any of this make?  The leaders of the tribes and clans are only trying to keep power or gain more due to their tribe or clan having more land or belongings.  These are exactly the reasons why there are conflicts to begin with.

    Give up these idiocies and the world would be a much better place.

    << Numbers 35      Index      Numbers: The Post Mortem >>

     

  • DistroMan 20:00 on November 21, 2010 Permalink
    Tags: , , , , , , , , , , Numbers, , ,   

    Numbers 35: More laws and crap 

    Numbers: Part 35 of 36
    Towns for the Levites

    1 On the plains of Moab by the Jordan across from Jericho, the LORD said to Moses,

    Why does it matter where it was said?  Honestly, take out all the drivel, lies, murder, inhumane sacrifice, rape, genocide, gendercide, threats, plagues and wars and what do you have left?  A cover with the word ‘bible’ written on it.  Lame book.

    2 “Command the Israelites to give the Levites towns to live in from the inheritance the Israelites will possess. And give them pasturelands around the towns.

    Places that rightly belonged to those you had the Israelites murder.

    3 Then they will have towns to live in and pasturelands for the cattle they own and all their other animals.

    Most of which belonged to those you had murdered.

    4 “The pasturelands around the towns that you give the Levites will extend a thousand cubits from the town wall.

    5 Outside the town, measure two thousand cubits on the east side, two thousand on the south side, two thousand on the west and two thousand on the north, with the town in the center. They will have this area as pastureland for the towns.

    WTF?  In ‘4‘ you said a thousand cubits from the wall and now in ‘5‘ you say two thousand cubits with the town in the centre.  That is a contradiction.  100% difference.  Some god you are.  Fail!!!

    Cities of Refuge

    6 “Six of the towns you give the Levites will be cities of refuge, to which a person who has killed someone may flee. In addition, give them forty-two other towns.

    Shouldn’t you be able to take refuge with the authorities in any town?

    7 In all you must give the Levites forty-eight towns, together with their pasturelands.

    8 The towns you give the Levites from the land the Israelites possess are to be given in proportion to the inheritance of each tribe: Take many towns from a tribe that has many, but few from one that has few.”

    9 Then the LORD said to Moses:

    Bob!  Dude!  Burn me some more of that lamb.  I’m losing my high.  :)

    10 “Speak to the Israelites and say to them: ‘When you cross the Jordan into Canaan,

    11 select some towns to be your cities of refuge, to which a person who has killed someone accidentally may flee.

    Six towns?  That many?  Just how much ‘accidental murder’ does God expect?

    12 They will be places of refuge from the avenger, so that anyone accused of murder may not die before they stand trial before the assembly.

    13 These six towns you give will be your cities of refuge.

    14 Give three on this side of the Jordan and three in Canaan as cities of refuge.

    15 These six towns will be a place of refuge for Israelites and for foreigners residing among them, so that anyone who has killed another accidentally can flee there.

    16 “‘If anyone strikes someone a fatal blow with an iron object, that person is a murderer; the murderer is to be put to death.

    17 Or if anyone is holding a stone and strikes someone a fatal blow with it, that person is a murderer; the murderer is to be put to death.

    18 Or if anyone is holding a wooden object and strikes someone a fatal blow with it, that person is a murderer; the murderer is to be put to death.

    19 The avenger of blood shall put the murderer to death; when the avenger comes upon the murderer, the avenger shall put the murderer to death.

    20 If anyone with malice aforethought shoves another or throws something at them intentionally so that they die

    21 or if out of enmity one person hits another with their fist so that the other dies, that person is to be put to death; that person is a murderer. The avenger of blood shall put the murderer to death when they meet.

    22 “‘But if without enmity someone suddenly pushes another or throws something at them unintentionally

    23 or, without seeing them, drops on them a stone heavy enough to kill them, and they die, then since that other person was not an enemy and no harm was intended,

    24 the assembly must judge between the accused and the avenger of blood according to these regulations.

    25 The assembly must protect the one accused of murder from the avenger of blood and send the accused back to the city of refuge to which they fled. The accused must stay there until the death of the high priest, who was anointed with the holy oil.

    So, even if you are found innocent, if you fled to a city of refuge, you must stay there instead of going back home?

    26 “‘But if the accused ever goes outside the limits of the city of refuge to which they fled

    27 and the avenger of blood finds them outside the city, the avenger of blood may kill the accused without being guilty of murder.

    28 The accused must stay in the city of refuge until the death of the high priest; only after the death of the high priest may they return to their own property.

    29 “‘This is to have the force of law for you throughout the generations to come, wherever you live.

    Pathetic piece of crap.  If I accidentally kill someone, ‘I’ have to flee to another town and hope I’m found innocent.  Even ‘if’ I’m found innocent I’m not allowed to go back home.  ‘IF’ I leave the confines of the city, the avenger is legally allowed to murder me, an innocent person.  How can it be called fair, to victimise the innocent, but allow someone else to murder that innocent person and go free?

    30 “‘Anyone who kills a person is to be put to death as a murderer only on the testimony of witnesses. But no one is to be put to death on the testimony of only one witness.

    So a person could walk into another persons house where there are only two of them, murder one in front of the second, laugh in their face and then walk free.

    31 “‘Do not accept a ransom for the life of a murderer, who deserves to die. They are to be put to death.

    32 “‘Do not accept a ransom for anyone who has fled to a city of refuge and so allow them to go back and live on their own land before the death of the high priest.

    What has the death of the High Priest go to do with anything?  Why is that being used as a time limit?

    33 “‘Do not pollute the land where you are. Bloodshed pollutes the land, and atonement cannot be made for the land on which blood has been shed, except by the blood of the one who shed it.

    Oh my freaking dog!!!  You’ve been shedding blood all the way through the desert, every day and night, for any excuse you could come up with and now you are killing people in every city and town you come across.  You’ve covered the land with the blood of the innocent and NOW you say this?  So how are you going to atone for all the blood shed during the atrocities you’ve commanded the Israelites to commit?  Going by your command, each of the Israelites who killed someone must now die along with yourself.  Good.  F*&^ off and die you sick son of a bitch.

    34 Do not defile the land where you live and where I dwell, for I, the LORD, dwell among the Israelites.’”

    It is you,God, that defiles the land and the minds of the people who follow you.

    << Numbers 34      Index      Numbers 36 >>

     

  • DistroMan 20:00 on November 20, 2010 Permalink
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    Numbers 34: More laws and crap 

    Numbers: Part 34 of 36
    Boundaries of Canaan

    1 The LORD said to Moses,

    Got another job for you Bob, so we’ll have to postpone your imminent death for just a little longer. You ok with that dude?

    2 “Command the Israelites and say to them: ‘When you enter Canaan, the land that will be allotted to you as an inheritance is to have these boundaries:

    Did he use his heavenly theodolite?

    3 “‘Your southern side will include some of the Desert of Zin along the border of Edom. Your southern boundary will start in the east from the southern end of the Dead Sea,

    4 cross south of Scorpion Pass, continue on to Zin and go south of Kadesh Barnea. Then it will go to Hazar Addar and over to Azmon,

    5 where it will turn, join the Wadi of Egypt and end at the Mediterranean Sea.

    6 “‘Your western boundary will be the coast of the Mediterranean Sea. This will be your boundary on the west.

    7 “‘For your northern boundary, run a line from the Mediterranean Sea to Mount Hor

    8 and from Mount Hor to Lebo Hamath. Then the boundary will go to Zedad,

    9 continue to Ziphron and end at Hazar Enan. This will be your boundary on the north.

    10 “‘For your eastern boundary, run a line from Hazar Enan to Shepham.

    11 The boundary will go down from Shepham to Riblah on the east side of Ain and continue along the slopes east of the Sea of Galilee.

    12 Then the boundary will go down along the Jordan and end at the Dead Sea. “‘This will be your land, with its boundaries on every side.’”

    13 Moses commanded the Israelites: “Assign this land by lot as an inheritance. The LORD has ordered that it be given to the nine and a half tribes,

    14 because the families of the tribe of Reuben, the tribe of Gad and the half-tribe of Manasseh have received their inheritance.

    15 These two and a half tribes have received their inheritance east of the Jordan across from Jericho, toward the sunrise.”

    So?  This, once again, has nothing to do with morals, ethics, or anything outside of payment for killing other people.

    16 The LORD said to Moses,

    Still with me Bob?

    17 “These are the names of the men who are to assign the land for you as an inheritance: Eleazar the priest and Joshua son of Nun.

    18 And appoint one leader from each tribe to help assign the land.

    19 These are their names: Caleb son of Jephunneh, from the tribe of Judah;

    20 Shemuel son of Ammihud, from the tribe of Simeon;

    21 Elidad son of Kislon, from the tribe of Benjamin;

    22 Bukki son of Jogli, the leader from the tribe of Dan;

    23 Hanniel son of Ephod, the leader from the tribe of Manasseh son of Joseph;

    24 Kemuel son of Shiphtan, the leader from the tribe of Ephraim son of Joseph;

    25 Elizaphan son of Parnak, the leader from the tribe of Zebulun;

    26 Paltiel son of Azzan, the leader from the tribe of Issachar;

    27 Ahihud son of Shelomi, the leader from the tribe of Asher;

    28 Pedahel son of Ammihud, the leader from the tribe of Naphtali.”

    29 These are the men the LORD commanded to assign the inheritance to the Israelites in the land of Canaan.


    << Numbers 33      Index      Numbers 35 >>

     

  • DistroMan 20:00 on November 19, 2010 Permalink
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    Numbers 33: More laws and crap 

    Numbers: Part 33 of 36
    Stages in Israel’s Journey

    1 Here are the stages in the journey of the Israelites when they came out of Egypt by divisions under the leadership of Moses and Aaron.

    Now listen up people.  This is where you can really learn how to be good and moral people.  :)

    2 At the LORD’s command Moses recorded the stages in their journey. This is their journey by stages:

    Ooooooooh.

    3 The Israelites set out from Rameses on the fifteenth day of the first month, the day after the Passover. They marched out defiantly in full view of all the Egyptians,

    Sgt Major proudly marching up and down the square.  Nevermind, just another Monty Python reference.

    4 who were burying all their firstborn, whom the LORD had struck down among them; for the LORD had brought judgment on their gods.

    Oh yes, this would make them all really proud of what they have accomplished.

    5 The Israelites left Rameses and camped at Sukkoth.

    And on the left is where they dug the latrines.

    6 They left Sukkoth and camped at Etham, on the edge of the desert.

    Garbage dump to the right.

    7 They left Etham, turned back to Pi Hahiroth, to the east of Baal Zephon, and camped near Migdol.

    Stupid GPS mustn’t have been working.

    8 They left Pi Hahiroth and passed through the sea into the desert, and when they had traveled for three days in the Desert of Etham, they camped at Marah.

    Clothes lines over yonder to dry out their clothes after passing ‘through’ the sea.

    9 They left Marah and went to Elim, where there were twelve springs and seventy palm trees, and they camped there.

    Can’t camp when there are seventy one palm trees.  Seventy is a must.

    10 They left Elim and camped by the Red Sea.

    Not the Green Sea mind you, nor the Black Sea.  It has to be the Red Sea.

    11 They left the Red Sea and camped in the Desert of Sin.

    Party Time.

    12 They left the Desert of Sin and camped at Dophkah.

    Yep, just camping it up all the time.

    13 They left Dophkah and camped at Alush.

    B

    14 They left Alush and camped at Rephidim, where there was no water for the people to drink.

    O

    15 They left Rephidim and camped in the Desert of Sinai.

    R

    16 They left the Desert of Sinai and camped at Kibroth Hattaavah.

    I

    17 They left Kibroth Hattaavah and camped at Hazeroth.

    N

    18 They left Hazeroth and camped at Rithmah.

    G

    19 They left Rithmah and camped at Rimmon Perez.

    20 They left Rimmon Perez and camped at Libnah.

    Well, they were out there for over forty years.  What did you expect?  A fortnights stroll?

    21 They left Libnah and camped at Rissah.

    22 They left Rissah and camped at Kehelathah.

    Y

    23 They left Kehelathah and camped at Mount Shepher.

    A

    24 They left Mount Shepher and camped at Haradah.

    W

    25 They left Haradah and camped at Makheloth.

    N

    26 They left Makheloth and camped at Tahath.

    27 They left Tahath and camped at Terah.

    The rocks here were too hard and hurt Goldimoses’ feet.

    28 They left Terah and camped at Mithkah.

    The rocks here were too soft and caused Goldimoses to fall over all the time.

    29 They left Mithkah and camped at Hashmonah.

    Here, the rocks were just right so Goldimoses slept very soundly not noticing that God was planning his and Aaron’s demise.

    30 They left Hashmonah and camped at Moseroth.

    31 They left Moseroth and camped at Bene Jaakan.

    And a Partridge in a Pear Tree.

    32 They left Bene Jaakan and camped at Hor Haggidgad.

    33 They left Hor Haggidgad and camped at Jotbathah.

    Knock Knock!

    34 They left Jotbathah and camped at Abronah.

    Who’s there?

    35 They left Abronah and camped at Ezion Geber.

    A few hundred thousand armed Israelites and we’re going to kill you all, including your children.  But if you have any virgin women, we’ll take them and your sheep.  We like sheep.

    36 They left Ezion Geber and camped at Kadesh, in the Desert of Zin.

    37 They left Kadesh and camped at Mount Hor, on the border of Edom.

    Now you’re just joshing me.  Zin and Hor?  Oh boy, what I could do with that.  :)

    38 At the LORD’s command Aaron the priest went up Mount Hor, where he died on the first day of the fifth month of the fortieth year after the Israelites came out of Egypt.

    No, he didn’t just die.  God killed him.  Murdered him.  Let’s not allow a person to live out there life.  Oh no.  God just kills you.

    39 Aaron was a hundred and twenty-three years old when he died on Mount Hor.

    40 The Canaanite king of Arad, who lived in the Negev of Canaan, heard that the Israelites were coming.

    And Yay, he verily shat himself.

    41 They left Mount Hor and camped at Zalmonah.

    Good, stop mounting those Hor’s.

    42 They left Zalmonah and camped at Punon.

    43 They left Punon and camped at Oboth.

    Thumb twiddle.

    44 They left Oboth and camped at Iye Abarim, on the border of Moab.

    45 They left Iye Abarim and camped at Dibon Gad.

    Oh look, a tree!

    46 They left Dibon Gad and camped at Almon Diblathaim.

    47 They left Almon Diblathaim and camped in the mountains of Abarim, near Nebo.

    Could they see your house from there?

    48 They left the mountains of Abarim and camped on the plains of Moab by the Jordan across from Jericho.

    49 There on the plains of Moab they camped along the Jordan from Beth Jeshimoth to Abel Shittim.

    You’re shittim me alright.

    50 On the plains of Moab by the Jordan across from Jericho the LORD said to Moses,

    51 “Speak to the Israelites and say to them: ‘When you cross the Jordan into Canaan,

    52 drive out all the inhabitants of the land before you. Destroy all their carved images and their cast idols, and demolish all their high places.

    Drive out = slaughter.

    53 Take possession of the land and settle in it, for I have given you the land to possess.

    Take possession = steal.

    54 Distribute the land by lot, according to your clans. To a larger group give a larger inheritance, and to a smaller group a smaller one. Whatever falls to them by lot will be theirs. Distribute it according to your ancestral tribes.

    Divvy up the loot.

    55 “‘But if you do not drive out the inhabitants of the land, those you allow to remain will become barbs in your eyes and thorns in your sides. They will give you trouble in the land where you will live.

    Verily they will become pustulant sores on the anus of Israel.

    56 And then I will do to you what I plan to do to them.’”

    Rule by fear.  How just and noble.

    << Numbers 32      Index      Numbers 34 >>

     

  • DistroMan 20:00 on November 18, 2010 Permalink
    Tags: , , , , , , , , , , , Numbers, plunder, , , , ,   

    Numbers 32: More laws and crap 

    Numbers: Part 32 of 36
    The Transjordan Tribes

    1 The Reubenites and Gadites, who had very large herds and flocks, saw that the lands of Jazer and Gilead were suitable for livestock.

    Doesn’t all this killing and taking of the land in this manner at the very least break the ‘killing’ and ‘coveting’ commandments?

    2 So they came to Moses and Eleazar the priest and to the leaders of the community, and said,

    3 “Ataroth, Dibon, Jazer, Nimrah, Heshbon, Elealeh, Sebam, Nebo and Beon—

    4 the land the LORD subdued before the people of Israel—are suitable for livestock, and your servants have livestock.

    5 If we have found favor in your eyes,” they said, “let this land be given to your servants as our possession. Do not make us cross the Jordan.”

    6 Moses said to the Gadites and Reubenites, “Should your fellow Israelites go to war while you sit here?

    They are only interested in getting out while the getting is good.

    7 Why do you discourage the Israelites from crossing over into the land the LORD has given them?

    8 This is what your fathers did when I sent them from Kadesh Barnea to look over the land.

    Here come the threats.

    9 After they went up to the Valley of Eshkol and viewed the land, they discouraged the Israelites from entering the land the LORD had given them.

    10 The LORD’s anger was aroused that day and he swore this oath:

    11 ‘Because they have not followed me wholeheartedly, not one of those who were twenty years old or more when they came up out of Egypt will see the land I promised on oath to Abraham, Isaac and Jacob—

    12 not one except Caleb son of Jephunneh the Kenizzite and Joshua son of Nun, for they followed the LORD wholeheartedly.’

    13 The LORD’s anger burned against Israel and he made them wander in the wilderness forty years, until the whole generation of those who had done evil in his sight was gone.

    14 “And here you are, a brood of sinners, standing in the place of your fathers and making the LORD even more angry with Israel.

    15 If you turn away from following him, he will again leave all this people in the wilderness, and you will be the cause of their destruction.”

    The Lord is so ‘on again, off again’ in his moods that you can never be sure what he is going to do, so saying this without having asked the Lord first is a bit presumptuous.

    16 Then they came up to him and said, “We would like to build pens here for our livestock and cities for our women and children.

    Ah, the compromise.

    17 But we will arm ourselves for battle and go ahead of the Israelites until we have brought them to their place. Meanwhile our women and children will live in fortified cities, for protection from the inhabitants of the land.

    While the women, children and flocks of the rest of the Israelites go forth into danger.  Not that there’s much danger from anyone but God himself.  Still, it’s a bit selfish.

    18 We will not return to our homes until each of the Israelites has received their inheritance.

    19 We will not receive any inheritance with them on the other side of the Jordan, because our inheritance has come to us on the east side of the Jordan.”

    20 Then Moses said to them, “If you will do this—if you will arm yourselves before the LORD for battle

    21 and if all of you who are armed cross over the Jordan before the LORD until he has driven his enemies out before him—

    22 then when the land is subdued before the LORD, you may return and be free from your obligation to the LORD and to Israel. And this land will be your possession before the LORD.

    So Moses makes up his mind to allow this without asking Da Boss?

    23 “But if you fail to do this, you will be sinning against the LORD; and you may be sure that your sin will find you out.

    24 Build cities for your women and children, and pens for your flocks, but do what you have promised.”

    25 The Gadites and Reubenites said to Moses, “We your servants will do as our lord commands.

    26 Our children and wives, our flocks and herds will remain here in the cities of Gilead.

    27 But your servants, every man who is armed for battle, will cross over to fight before the LORD, just as our lord says.”

    28 Then Moses gave orders about them to Eleazar the priest and Joshua son of Nun and to the family heads of the Israelite tribes.

    29 He said to them, “If the Gadites and Reubenites, every man armed for battle, cross over the Jordan with you before the LORD, then when the land is subdued before you, you must give them the land of Gilead as their possession.

    30 But if they do not cross over with you armed, they must accept their possession with you in Canaan.”

    31 The Gadites and Reubenites answered, “Your servants will do what the LORD has said.

    The ‘Lord’ didn’t ask this.

    32 We will cross over before the LORD into Canaan armed, but the property we inherit will be on this side of the Jordan.”

    33 Then Moses gave to the Gadites, the Reubenites and the half-tribe of Manasseh son of Joseph the kingdom of Sihon king of the Amorites and the kingdom of Og king of Bashan—the whole land with its cities and the territory around them.

    34 The Gadites built up Dibon, Ataroth, Aroer,

    35 Atroth Shophan, Jazer, Jogbehah,

    36 Beth Nimrah and Beth Haran as fortified cities, and built pens for their flocks.

    37 And the Reubenites rebuilt Heshbon, Elealeh and Kiriathaim,

    38 as well as Nebo and Baal Meon (these names were changed) and Sibmah. They gave names to the cities they rebuilt.

    39 The descendants of Makir son of Manasseh went to Gilead, captured it and drove out the Amorites who were there.

    40 So Moses gave Gilead to the Makirites, the descendants of Manasseh, and they settled there.

    41 Jair, a descendant of Manasseh, captured their settlements and called them Havvoth Jair.

    42 And Nobah captured Kenath and its surrounding settlements and called it Nobah after himself.

    That actually belonged to others to start with until you guys came along and slaughtered everyone. It’s still a pathetically barbarous way to act and to claim to have done it in the name of God is nothing but an excuse to kill and plunder. It has to be asked why this isn’t being done these days? Where is God now? Why isn’t he protecting his people now the way he used to? Is it only because he doesn’t exist in the minds of the more educated generally? He can only operate in the uneducated and superstitious minds of backward desert dwelling people who know no better? We aren’t ever going to stop the stupidity in this world until we educate everyone. It’s no good going into countries the way we have over the past few decades unless we are prepared to set up schools and educate them. Leaving them to sit and suffer after we’ve destroyed their lives and their possessions is only asking for trouble and helps nobody.

    << Numbers 31      Index      Numbers 33 >>

     

  • DistroMan 20:00 on November 17, 2010 Permalink
    Tags: , , , depravity, , , , , , , , , , , Numbers, , , , , , ,   

    Numbers 31: More laws and crap 

    Numbers: Part 31 of 36
    Vengeance on the Midianites

    1 The LORD said to Moses,

    Bob, it’s party time!  Get your dancing shoes on.  We’re about to boogie…

    2 “Take vengeance on the Midianites for the Israelites. After that, you will be gathered to your people.”

    Moses!  Dude!  Run away, run away!

    3 So Moses said to the people, “Arm some of your men to go to war against the Midianites so that they may carry out the LORD’s vengeance on them.

    Why should they die at the end of a sword, spear or knife, just to satisfy the bloodlust of this supposed god?  I’ve asked many times already, why can’t he just blink them out of existence instead of going through this barbaric act over and over?  Does Barbara Eden have more powers than God?  It seems so.  The best he can do is locusts and sprouting staffs.

    4 Send into battle a thousand men from each of the tribes of Israel.”

    5 So twelve thousand men armed for battle, a thousand from each tribe, were supplied from the clans of Israel.

    6 Moses sent them into battle, a thousand from each tribe, along with Phinehas son of Eleazar, the priest, who took with him articles from the sanctuary and the trumpets for signaling.

    7 They fought against Midian, as the LORD commanded Moses, and killed every man.

    Are you imagining what this must have been like?  Don’t hide from it.  Think about this deeply.  This is what ‘God’ wants.

    8 Among their victims were Evi, Rekem, Zur, Hur and Reba—the five kings of Midian. They also killed Balaam son of Beor with the sword.

    9 The Israelites captured the Midianite women and children and took all the Midianite herds, flocks and goods as plunder.

    10 They burned all the towns where the Midianites had settled, as well as all their camps.

    Destruction for no reason whatsoever.

    11 They took all the plunder and spoils, including the people and animals,

    Theft and slavery.

    12 and brought the captives, spoils and plunder to Moses and Eleazar the priest and the Israelite assembly at their camp on the plains of Moab, by the Jordan across from Jericho.

    13 Moses, Eleazar the priest and all the leaders of the community went to meet them outside the camp.

    14 Moses was angry with the officers of the army—the commanders of thousands and commanders of hundreds—who returned from the battle.

    I have not read past this point as yet, but I expect that this will be typical of what we’ve come to expect.

    15 “Have you allowed all the women to live?” he asked them.

    Okay, maybe it will be worse.

    16 “They were the ones who followed Balaam’s advice and enticed the Israelites to be unfaithful to the LORD in the Peor incident, so that a plague struck the LORD’s people.

    17 Now kill all the boys. And kill every woman who has slept with a man,

    Killing children must make God feel so big and brave.  Every woman who has slept with a man?  All of them?  Why kill the ones who were faithful to their husbands and had not slept with an Israelite?

    18 but save for yourselves every girl who has never slept with a man.

    Yeah, because rape is just fine by God.  You can’t gather wood on the Sabbath, but you can rape girls.

    19 “Anyone who has killed someone or touched someone who was killed must stay outside the camp seven days. On the third and seventh days you must purify yourselves and your captives.

    20 Purify every garment as well as everything made of leather, goat hair or wood.”

    Of course they’d love to purify the captives.  Thousands of virgin girls running around naked and scared must really get God’s juices flowing.

    21 Then Eleazar the priest said to the soldiers who had gone into battle, “This is what is required by the law that the LORD gave Moses:

    22 Gold, silver, bronze, iron, tin, lead

    23 and anything else that can withstand fire must be put through the fire, and then it will be clean. But it must also be purified with the water of cleansing. And whatever cannot withstand fire must be put through that water.

    Ah yes, the water of cleansing.  The water that was mixed with the ashes of a dead body.  Very cleansing that is.

    24 On the seventh day wash your clothes and you will be clean. Then you may come into the camp.”

    Dividing the Spoils

    25 The LORD said to Moses,

    Pay close attention here Bob.  I’m going to kill you soon and I want this job done right beforehand.

    26 “You and Eleazar the priest and the family heads of the community are to count all the people and animals that were captured.

    27 Divide the spoils equally between the soldiers who took part in the battle and the rest of the community.

    28 From the soldiers who fought in the battle, set apart as tribute for the LORD one out of every five hundred, whether people, cattle, donkeys or sheep.

    What is God going to do with virgin girls I wonder?

    29 Take this tribute from their half share and give it to Eleazar the priest as the LORD’s part.

    Now it makes sense.  It’s Eleazar who wants the girls.

    30 From the Israelites’ half, select one out of every fifty, whether people, cattle, donkeys, sheep or other animals. Give them to the Levites, who are responsible for the care of the LORD’s tabernacle.”

    31 So Moses and Eleazar the priest did as the LORD commanded Moses.

    32 The plunder remaining from the spoils that the soldiers took was 675,000 sheep,

    33 72,000 cattle,

    34 61,000 donkeys

    35 and 32,000 women who had never slept with a man.

    36 The half share of those who fought in the battle was: 337,500 sheep,

    37 of which the tribute for the LORD was 675;

    38 36,000 cattle, of which the tribute for the LORD was 72;

    39 30,500 donkeys, of which the tribute for the LORD was 61;

    40 16,000 people, of whom the tribute for the LORD was 32.

    Eleazar gets 32 virgins?

    41 Moses gave the tribute to Eleazar the priest as the LORD’s part, as the LORD commanded Moses.

    42 The half belonging to the Israelites, which Moses set apart from that of the fighting men—

    43 the community’s half—was 337,500 sheep,

    44 36,000 cattle,

    45 30,500 donkeys

    46 and 16,000 people.

    47 From the Israelites’ half, Moses selected one out of every fifty people and animals, as the LORD commanded him, and gave them to the Levites, who were responsible for the care of the LORD’s tabernacle.

    48 Then the officers who were over the units of the army—the commanders of thousands and commanders of hundreds—went to Moses

    49 and said to him, “Your servants have counted the soldiers under our command, and not one is missing.

    50 So we have brought as an offering to the LORD the gold articles each of us acquired—armlets, bracelets, signet rings, earrings and necklaces—to make atonement for ourselves before the LORD.”

    51 Moses and Eleazar the priest accepted from them the gold—all the crafted articles.

    52 All the gold from the commanders of thousands and commanders of hundreds that Moses and Eleazar presented as a gift to the LORD weighed 16,750 shekels.

    53 Each soldier had taken plunder for himself.

    54 Moses and Eleazar the priest accepted the gold from the commanders of thousands and commanders of hundreds and brought it into the tent of meeting as a memorial for the Israelites before the LORD.

    I’m truly perplexed as to how any female can follow this outrageously misogynistic religion considering what we’ve just read.  How can they bend the knee and silently give consent to their daughters being treated in this manner.  If religion gets the power it is obviously after, this is the kind of thing we would see happening once again.  Also, how can any people whose ancestors were kept as slaves approve of this book and it’s teachings?  Do they wish themselves and their descendants to go through that again?

    << Numbers 30      Index      Numbers 32 >>

     

  • DistroMan 20:00 on November 16, 2010 Permalink
    Tags: , , , , , , , , , , Numbers, , , ,   

    Numbers 30: More laws and crap 

    Numbers: Part 30 of 36
    Vows

    1 Moses said to the heads of the tribes of Israel: “This is what the LORD commands:

    2 When a man makes a vow to the LORD or takes an oath to obligate himself by a pledge, he must not break his word but must do everything he said.

    Unless what he promised was stupid to begin with.  You wouldn’t expect a guy to carry out a promise he made when drunk to run naked through the women’s quarters would you?  You could think of many examples that make this law ridiculous.

    3 “When a young woman still living in her father’s household makes a vow to the LORD or obligates herself by a pledge

    Then she’s a fool.

    4 and her father hears about her vow or pledge but says nothing to her, then all her vows and every pledge by which she obligated herself will stand.

    Even if made under duress or when half asleep or in severe pain?

    5 But if her father forbids her when he hears about it, none of her vows or the pledges by which she obligated herself will stand; the LORD will release her because her father has forbidden her.

    Oh yeah, the man’s wishes always override those of the female in this idiotic book don’t they!

    6 “If she marries after she makes a vow or after her lips utter a rash promise by which she obligates herself

    7 and her husband hears about it but says nothing to her, then her vows or the pledges by which she obligated herself will stand.

    Even if it’s a rash promise.  Typical!

    8 But if her husband forbids her when he hears about it, he nullifies the vow that obligates her or the rash promise by which she obligates herself, and the LORD will release her.

    And again, stupid misogynistic rubbish.

    9 “Any vow or obligation taken by a widow or divorced woman will be binding on her.

    10 “If a woman living with her husband makes a vow or obligates herself by a pledge under oath

    11 and her husband hears about it but says nothing to her and does not forbid her, then all her vows or the pledges by which she obligated herself will stand.

    12 But if her husband nullifies them when he hears about them, then none of the vows or pledges that came from her lips will stand. Her husband has nullified them, and the LORD will release her.

    13 Her husband may confirm or nullify any vow she makes or any sworn pledge to deny herself.

    Sigh…

    14 But if her husband says nothing to her about it from day to day, then he confirms all her vows or the pledges binding on her. He confirms them by saying nothing to her when he hears about them.

    15 If, however, he nullifies them some time after he hears about them, then he must bear the consequences of her wrongdoing.”

    16 These are the regulations the LORD gave Moses concerning relationships between a man and his wife, and between a father and his young daughter still living at home.

    Yawn…

    << Numbers 29      Index      Numbers 31 >>

     

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