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  • DistroMan 20:00 on February 20, 2012 Permalink
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    Psalm 108: If Moab is God’s washpot, then God is my G’zunder. 

    Psalms Part 108 of 150

    A Song. A Psalm by David.

    1 My heart is steadfast, God.

    I will sing and I will make music with my soul.

    Nothing wrong with that.  Be happy.

    2 Wake up, harp and lyre!

    I will wake up the dawn.

    Leave the dawn alone. Some of us like to sleep late thankyou.

    3 I will give thanks to you, Yahweh, among the nations.

    I will sing praises to you among the peoples.

    For?

    4 For your loving kindness is great above the heavens.

    Your faithfulness reaches to the skies.

    Not true.  He has to show a lot more than one or two instances of loving kindness to even begin to catch up to the heinous acts he has committed upon mankind. Then he would need to double it to make any headway.

    5 Be exalted, God, above the heavens!

    Let your glory be over all the earth.

    But he doesn’t behave in such a manner that would make any reasonable person thing he was good or glorious.

    6 That your beloved may be delivered,

    save with your right hand, and answer us.

    Who is his beloved this week?

    7 God has spoken from his sanctuary: “In triumph,

    I will divide Shechem, and measure out the valley of Succoth.

    Answer me this: What is a sanctuary?  Then tell me why Gawd would need one.

    8 Gilead is mine. Manasseh is mine.

    Ephraim also is my helmet.

    Judah is my scepter.

    9 Moab is my wash pot.

    I will toss my sandal on Edom.

    That is just nasty and doesn’t show you to be a nice person at all.  You don’t treat people or nations in that manner and expect to be respected.

    I will shout over Philistia.”

    10 Who will bring me into the fortified city?

    Who has led me to Edom?

    11 Haven’t you rejected us, God?

    You don’t go out, God, with our armies.

    Fickle bastard isn’t he!

    12 Give us help against the enemy,

    for the help of man is vain.

    13 Through God, we will do valiantly.

    For it is he who will tread down our enemies.

    You just keep right on believing that.  Your enemies will be happy.

    << Psalm 107      Index      Psalm 109 >>

     
  • DistroMan 20:00 on February 19, 2012 Permalink
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    Psalm 107: Read the damned book for yourself before telling me what it says. 

    Psalms Part 107 of 150

    1 Give thanks to Yahweh,

    for he is good,

    for his loving kindness endures forever.

    Especially since he never used any of it.

    2 Let the redeemed by Yahweh say so,

    whom he has redeemed from the hand of the adversary,

    Those who ‘think’ they have been redeemed.

    3 And gathered out of the lands,

    from the east and from the west,

    from the north and from the south.

    4 They wandered in the wilderness in a desert way.

    They found no city to live in.

    They went where they were told and suffered for 40 years.  Totally unnecessary.

    5 Hungry and thirsty,

    their soul fainted in them.

    Abuse I say!

    6 Then they cried to Yahweh in their trouble,

    and he delivered them out of their distresses,

    Not ‘delivered’, but ‘stopped causing’!

    7 he led them also by a straight way,

    that they might go to a city to live in.

    40 years in the desert is not a ‘straight way’ by any stretch of the imagination, which is something they have plenty of if this book is any measure.

    8 Let them praise Yahweh for his loving kindness,

    for his wonderful works to the children of men!

    Genital mutilation is not a ‘wonderful work’.  Not at all.

    9 For he satisfies the longing soul.

    He fills the hungry soul with good.

    He fills an empty head with myths and magic.

    10 Some sat in darkness and in the shadow of death,

    being bound in affliction and iron,

    11 because they rebelled against the words of God,

    and condemned the counsel of the Most High.

    This was only possible because the religious zealots had control.  A secular country/nation has no such problems.

    12 Therefore he brought down their heart with labor.

    They fell down, and there was no one to help.

    13 Then they cried to Yahweh in their trouble,

    and he saved them out of their distresses.

    Released the torturous hold he had over them.  For a while at least.

    14 He brought them out of darkness and the shadow of death,

    and broke away their chains.

    15 Let them praise Yahweh for his loving kindness,

    for his wonderful works to the children of men!

    16 For he has broken the gates of brass,

    and cut through bars of iron.

    That he made and put in place.

    17 Fools are afflicted because of their disobedience,

    and because of their iniquities.

    18 Their soul abhors all kinds of food.

    I’ll eat nearly anything, so that has no meaning.

    They draw near to the gates of death.

    19 Then they cry to Yahweh in their trouble,

    he saves them out of their distresses.

    20 He sends his word, and heals them,

    and delivers them from their graves.

    After being put there by their loving SkyDaddy.

    21 Let them praise Yahweh for his loving kindness,

    for his wonderful works to the children of men!

    22 Let them offer the sacrifices of thanksgiving,

    and declare his works with singing.

    23 Those who go down to the sea in ships,

    who do business in great waters;

    …probably eat fish.

    24 These see Yahweh’s works,

    and his wonders in the deep.

    25 For he commands, and raises the stormy wind,

    which lifts up its waves.

    26 They mount up to the sky; they go down again to the depths.

    Their soul melts away because of trouble.

    27 They reel back and forth, and stagger like a drunken man,

    and are at their wits’ end.

    28 Then they cry to Yahweh in their trouble,

    and he brings them out of their distress.

    Prove it!

    29 He makes the storm a calm,

    so that its waves are still.

    30 Then they are glad because it is calm,

    so he brings them to their desired haven.

    31 Let them praise Yahweh for his loving kindness,

    for his wonderful works for the children of men!

    Read the damn book and list good vs bad that Gawd has done.  See if you really think he’s worth following.

    32 Let them exalt him also in the assembly of the people,

    and praise him in the seat of the elders.

    33 He turns rivers into a desert,

    water springs into a thirsty ground,

    34 and a fruitful land into a salt waste,

    for the wickedness of those who dwell in it.

    Rather petty if you ask me.

    35 He turns a desert into a pool of water,

    and a dry land into water springs.

    36 There he makes the hungry live,

    that they may prepare a city to live in,

    37 sow fields, plant vineyards,

    and reap the fruits of increase.

    Why have them living in such adverse conditions in the first place?

    38 He blesses them also, so that they are multiplied greatly.

    He doesn’t allow their livestock to decrease.

    Yes he has.  Read the book.

    39 Again, they are diminished and bowed down

    through oppression, trouble, and sorrow.

    40 He pours contempt on princes,

    and causes them to wander in a trackless waste.

    Nasty, nasty, nasty Gawd.

    41 Yet he lifts the needy out of their affliction,

    and increases their families like a flock.

    42 The upright will see it, and be glad.

    All the wicked will shut their mouths.

    43 Whoever is wise will pay attention to these things.

    They will consider the loving kindnesses of Yahweh.

    Those that think he’s real and is the one causing their hardships will fall all over themselves to appease him in the hopes things will get better.  Some will die of starvation waiting while others may live but in a weakened state only to die younger than necessary.  Those that are ready to work for themselves will overcome these obstacles and survive.  They will be stronger for it too.

    << Psalm 106      Index      Psalm 108 >>

     
  • DistroMan 20:00 on February 18, 2012 Permalink
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    Psalm 106: Gawd, if you need praise at these costs, you have self esteem issues. 

    Psalms Part 106 of 150

    1 Praise Yahweh!

    Give thanks to Yahweh, for he is good,

    for his loving kindness endures forever.

    You can’t end what hasn’t begun I suppose.

    2 Who can utter the mighty acts of Yahweh,

    or fully declare all his praise?

    A mute person can as well as you I expect.

    3 Blessed are those who keep justice.

    Blessed is one who does what is right at all times.

    Yay, another one I agree with.  Doesn’t happen nearly enough though.

    4 Remember me, Yahweh, with the favor that you show to your people.

    Visit me with your salvation,

    5 that I may see the prosperity of your chosen,

    that I may rejoice in the gladness of your nation,

    that I may glory with your inheritance.

    Want, want, want.  Where is the giving?

    6 We have sinned with our fathers.

    Do tell!

    We have committed iniquity.

    We have done wickedly.

    7 Our fathers didn’t understand your wonders in Egypt.

    They didn’t remember the multitude of your loving kindnesses,

    but were rebellious at the sea, even at the Red Sea.

    Considering how he made them stay there and put up with all kinds of torture, death and torment, you can’t really blame them.

    8 Nevertheless he saved them for his name’s sake,

    that he might make his mighty power known.

    They were and you are, just toys to him.  Read the damn book.

    9 He rebuked the Red Sea also, and it was dried up;

    so he led them through the depths, as through a desert.

    10 He saved them from the hand of him who hated them,

    and redeemed them from the hand of the enemy.

    Only to continue torturing them himself.

    11 The waters covered their adversaries.

    There was not one of them left.

    Which wasn’t necessary.

    12 Then they believed his words.

    They sang his praise.

    What did they sing?  Praise be to the Killer on High?  We love you Oh Great Murderer in the Sky?

    13 They soon forgot his works.

    They didn’t wait for his counsel,

    14 but gave in to craving in the desert,

    and tested God in the wasteland.

    Why did he have them in a wasteland?

    15 He gave them their request,

    but sent leanness into their soul.

    Petty bastard!

    16 They envied Moses also in the camp,

    and Aaron, Yahweh’s saint.

    17 The earth opened and swallowed up Dathan,

    and covered the company of Abiram.

    18 A fire was kindled in their company.

    The flame burned up the wicked.

    19 They made a calf in Horeb,

    and worshiped a molten image.

    Such naughty little boys and girls.

    20 Thus they exchanged their glory

    for an image of a bull that eats grass.

    21 They forgot God, their Savior,

    who had done great things in Egypt,

    He killed people in Egypt.

    22 Wondrous works in the land of Ham,

    Pork!

    and awesome things by the Red Sea.

    23 Therefore he said that he would destroy them,

    had Moses, his chosen, not stood before him in the breach,

    to turn away his wrath, so that he wouldn’t destroy them.

    So God didn’t do what he said he would do.  He let a mortal change his mind.  Think about that.  What does it tell you?

    24 Yes, they despised the pleasant land.

    They didn’t believe his word,

    25 but murmured in their tents,

    and didn’t listen to Yahweh’s voice.

    26 Therefore he swore to them

    that he would overthrow them in the wilderness,

    27 that he would overthrow their seed among the nations,

    and scatter them in the lands.

    Now THAT sounds like the Gawd we’ve all come to know.

    28 They joined themselves also to Baal Peor,

    and ate the sacrifices of the dead.

    29 Thus they provoked him to anger with their deeds.

    The plague broke in on them.

    30 Then Phinehas stood up, and executed judgment,

    so the plague was stopped.

    31 That was credited to him for righteousness,

    for all generations to come.

    32 They angered him also at the waters of Meribah,

    so that Moses was troubled for their sakes;

    33 because they were rebellious against his spirit,

    he spoke rashly with his lips.

    34 They didn’t destroy the peoples,

    as Yahweh commanded them,

    They had more compassion than Gawd.

    35 but mixed themselves with the nations,

    and learned their works.

    36 They served their idols,

    which became a snare to them.

    37 Yes, they sacrificed their sons and their daughters to demons.

    One question.  Who created Evil?

    38 They shed innocent blood,

    Gawd should be proud.  They learnt well from him.

    even the blood of their sons and of their daughters,

    whom they sacrificed to the idols of Canaan.

    The land was polluted with blood.

    Abraham was going to kill his son Isaac at Gawd’s command. What is the difference?  They are just following his example.

    39 Thus were they defiled with their works,

    and prostituted themselves in their deeds.

    40 Therefore Yahweh burned with anger against his people.

    He abhorred his inheritance.

    Yeah, full of hate and anger.

    41 He gave them into the hand of the nations.

    Those who hated them ruled over them.

    Gawd not only let this happen, he made it happen.  Add that and all the rest of the hateful things that are listed here go on his resumé.

    42 Their enemies also oppressed them.

    They were brought into subjection under their hand.

    43 Many times he delivered them,

    but they were rebellious in their counsel,

    and were brought low in their iniquity.

    44 Nevertheless he regarded their distress,

    when he heard their cry.

    45 He remembered for them his covenant,

    and repented according to the multitude of his loving kindnesses.

    If he really had any he would not have allowed this to happen in the first place.  He’s been like a kid with a magnifying glass on an anthill since the beginning.

    46 He made them also to be pitied

    by all those who carried them captive.

    47 Save us, Yahweh, our God,

    gather us from among the nations,

    to give thanks to your holy name,

    to triumph in your praise!

    48 Blessed be Yahweh, the God of Israel,

    from everlasting even to everlasting!

    Let all the people say, “Amen.”

    Praise Yah!

    That is all this damnable god wants.  Praise.  He wants his sheeple on their knees praising him at every turn.  Subjugation at all costs.

    << Psalm 105      Index      Psalm 107 >>

     
  • DistroMan 20:00 on February 17, 2012 Permalink
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    Psalm 105: God’s Law: Do as I say or die. 

    Psalms Part 105 of 150

    1 Give thanks to Yahweh! Call on his name!

    Make his doings known among the peoples.

    That would be a short speech.

    2 Sing to him, sing praises to him!

    Tell of all his marvelous works.

    What are you going to do for the other 23 hours, 59 minutes and 59 seconds of the day?

    3 Glory in his holy name.

    Let the heart of those who seek Yahweh rejoice.

    Yeah, why not.  Seek solace in your silliness.

    4 Seek Yahweh and his strength.

    Seek his face forever more.

    If you have to see forever, it just means you aren’t finding him.

    5 Remember his marvelous works that he has done;

    his wonders, and the judgments of his mouth,

    6 you seed of Abraham, his servant,

    you children of Jacob, his chosen ones.

    Yes you, the ones he has punished, tortured and murdered for millenia. He’s talking about you.

    7 He is Yahweh, our God.

    His judgments are in all the earth.

    They is probably a denser concentration around garbage dumps, sewage treatment works and landfills.

    8 He has remembered his covenant forever,

    the word which he commanded to a thousand generations,

    Remembering isn’t the same as abiding by it.  WHICH he hasn’t done.

    9 the covenant which he made with Abraham,

    his oath to Isaac,

    10 and confirmed the same to Jacob for a statute;

    to Israel for an everlasting covenant,

    11 saying, “To you I will give the land of Canaan,

    the lot of your inheritance”;

    And did they keep it?  Nooooo, they didn’t.

    12 when they were but a few men in number,

    yes, very few, and foreigners in it.

    Exactly. They were foreigners. It wasn’t their land it shouldn’t have been stolen from those who owned it.

    13 They went about from nation to nation,

    from one kingdom to another people.

    14 He allowed no one to do them wrong.

    Bullshit. Read the damn book.

    Yes, he reproved kings for their sakes,

    15 “Don’t touch my anointed ones!

    Do my prophets no harm!”

    Read the book!

    16 He called for a famine on the land.

    He destroyed the food supplies.

    17 He sent a man before them.

    Joseph was sold for a slave.

    Sold for a slave.  One of his own people.

    18 They bruised his feet with shackles.

    His neck was locked in irons,

    19 until the time that his word happened,

    and Yahweh’s word proved him true.

    Why didn’t Yahweh look after him in the beginning so he wasn’t mistreated?  Because God isn’t real.  This crap, if it even happened, is all to do with man and his stupidity of following mythical deities.

    20 The king sent and freed him;

    even the ruler of peoples, and let him go free.

    21 He made him lord of his house,

    and ruler of all of his possessions;

    22 to discipline his princes at his pleasure,

    and to teach his elders wisdom.

    23 Israel also came into Egypt.

    Jacob lived in the land of Ham.

    Pork! Sorry, couldn’t help myself.  :)

    24 He increased his people greatly,

    and made them stronger than their adversaries.

    Why would he do that?  He could have just made them disappear so their would have been no need for war.  He could have made them move on somewhere else before his sheeple arrived.

    25 He turned their heart to hate his people,

    to conspire against his servants.

    26 He sent Moses, his servant,

    and Aaron, whom he had chosen.

    27 They performed miracles among them,

    and wonders in the land of Ham.

    Pork.  Again, I’m sorry, but I just have to.

    28 He sent darkness, and made it dark.

    Darkness isn’t sent.  Light is removed.

    They didn’t rebel against his words.

    Read the following carefully and think for yourself.  Would a really compassionate god, one filled with loving kindness, do these things?  Be honest with yourself about this.

    29 He turned their waters into blood,

    and killed their fish.

    30 Their land swarmed with frogs,

    even in the rooms of their kings.

    31 He spoke, and swarms of flies came,

    and lice in all their borders.

    32 He gave them hail for rain,

    with lightning in their land.

    33 He struck their vines and also their fig trees,

    and shattered the trees of their country.

    34 He spoke, and the locusts came,

    and the grasshoppers, without number,

    35 ate up every plant in their land;

    and ate up the fruit of their ground.

    36 He struck also all the firstborn in their land,

    the first fruits of all their manhood.

    37 He brought them out with silver and gold.

    There was not one feeble person among his tribes.

    Yeah, because he killed the rest.

    38 Egypt was glad when they departed,

    for the fear of them had fallen on them.

    They could have left earlier if Gawd had let them.  Not so many would have had to die then.

    39 He spread a cloud for a covering,

    fire to give light in the night.

    40 They asked, and he brought quails,

    and satisfied them with the bread of the sky.

    Bread of the sky?  Loaves falling out of the sky?

    41 He opened the rock, and waters gushed out.

    Water filled rocks?  Why not just have a river or a lake every so often on their travels?  Why make it a desert?

    They ran as a river in the dry places.

    42 For he remembered his holy word,

    and Abraham, his servant.

    43 He brought his people out with joy,

    his chosen with singing.

    Except the dead ones.  They didn’t sing.  They weren’t joyous.

    44 He gave them the lands of the nations.

    They took the labor of the peoples in possession,

    45 that they might keep his statutes,

    and observe his laws.

    Praise Yah!

    God’s Law:  Do as I say or die.

    << Psalm 104      Index      Psalm 106 >>

     
  • DistroMan 20:00 on February 16, 2012 Permalink
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    Psalm 104: God creates what ISN’T there? That makes about as much sense as he does. 

    Psalms Part 104 of 150

    1 Bless Yahweh, my soul.

    Yahweh, my God, you are very great.

    You are clothed with honor and majesty.

    I have to wonder where they get these ideas.

    2 He covers himself with light as with a garment.

    He stretches out the heavens like a curtain.

    He’s such a homemaker!

    3 He lays the beams of his rooms in the waters.

    He makes the clouds his chariot.

    He walks on the wings of the wind.

    It sounds like he’s high on something.

    4 He makes his messengers winds;

    his servants flames of fire.

    5 He laid the foundations of the earth,

    that it should not be moved forever.

    Then he screwed up.  We only have a few billion years left.

    6 You covered it with the deep as with a cloak.

    The waters stood above the mountains.

    There isn’t and never has been enough water on the planet to accomplish this feat.

    7 At your rebuke they fled.

    At the voice of your thunder they hurried away.

    8 The mountains rose,

    the valleys sank down,

    to the place which you had assigned to them.

    You have to tell us just how you accomplished this.  Damn mountains and valleys.  We can’t get them to behave these days.  ;-)

    9 You have set a boundary that they may not pass over;

    that they don’t turn again to cover the earth.

    Volcanoes are still erupting and killing people.  Is that alright by Gawd?

    10 He sends springs into the valleys.

    They run among the mountains.

    11 They give drink to every animal of the field.

    The wild donkeys quench their thirst.

    Except the ones that die of thirst.  Let’s not forget them.

    12 The birds of the sky nest by them.

    They sing among the branches.

    13 He waters the mountains from his rooms.

    The earth is filled with the fruit of your works.

    Sure is.  I don’t know what we’d do without all the poisonous fruits and plants.

    14 He causes the grass to grow for the livestock,

    and plants for man to cultivate,

    that he may produce food out of the earth:

    Man does all the work, Gawd takes all the credit.  Seems fair.  NOT!

    15 wine that makes glad the heart of man,

    oil to make his face to shine,

    and bread that strengthens man’s heart.

    Gawd is a Vintner and a Baker?  Wow, impressive resumé dude.

    16 Yahweh’s trees are well watered,

    the cedars of Lebanon, which he has planted;

    17 where the birds make their nests.

    The stork makes its home in the fir trees.

    18 The high mountains are for the wild goats.

     

    The rocks are a refuge for the rock badgers.

    E V O L U T I O N

    19 He appointed the moon for seasons.

    The sun knows when to set.

    You aren’t allowed to explain that.  Bill O’Reilly said it can’t be explained.  Stop that!!!

    20 You make darkness, and it is night,

    in which all the animals of the forest prowl.

    Darkness isn’t made.  It is the most natural state in the universe.  When there isn’t ‘light’, there just is darkness.  Only light gets made.

    21 The young lions roar after their prey,

    and seek their food from God.

    Eat God! Eat God! Eat God!

    22 The sun rises, and they steal away,

    and lay down in their dens.

    23 Man goes out to his work,

    to his labor until the evening.

    24 Yahweh, how many are your works!

    None, nil, nix, zero!

    In wisdom have you made them all.

    The earth is full of your riches.

    Prove it!

    25 There is the sea, great and wide,

    in which are innumerable living things,

    both small and large animals.

    26 There the ships go,

    and leviathan, whom you formed to play there.

    27 These all wait for you,

    that you may give them their food in due season.

    They either eat each other or the plant life.  Nothing to do with Gawd.

    28 You give to them; they gather.

    You open your hand; they are satisfied with good.

    29 You hide your face: they are troubled;

    you take away their breath: they die, and return to the dust.

    You’re saying that Gawd kills everything in the ocean?  Everything?  Dying isn’t natural?  If so, then he’s a bigger bastard than I thought.

    30 You send out your Spirit and they are created.

    You renew the face of the ground.

    v31 Let Yahweh’s glory endure forever.

    Let Yahweh rejoice in his works.


    Let him be forgotten just like all the other gods that have come and gone before him.

    32 He looks at the earth, and it trembles.

    He touches the mountains, and they smoke.

    That crap kills people and animals. Why would he want to do that?

    33 I will sing to Yahweh as long as I live.

    I will sing praise to my God while I have any being.

    That is some throat you have then.

    34 Let your meditation be sweet to him.

    I will rejoice in Yahweh.

    I won’t.

    35 Let sinners be consumed out of the earth.

    Let the wicked be no more.

    Bless Yahweh, my soul.

    Praise Yah!

    Goodbye to you then.  His followers are the biggest of all sinners.

    << Psalm 103      Index      Psalm 105 >>

     
  • DistroMan 20:00 on February 15, 2012 Permalink
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    Psalm 103: Yahweh can kiss my hairy arse! 

    Psalms Part 103 of 150

    By David.

    1 Praise Yahweh, my soul!

    All that is within me, praise his holy name!

    2 Praise Yahweh, my soul,

    and don’t forget all his benefits;

    It’s much harder to remember them.  Especially since there haven’t ever been any.

    3 who forgives all your sins;

    Me, after I fix within myself whatever caused me to do something wrong.

    who heals all your diseases;

    My doctor.  Praise Doctors!!!

    4 who redeems your life from destruction;

    who crowns you with loving kindness and tender mercies;

    My darling wife.

    5 who satisfies your desire with good things,

    so that your youth is renewed like the eagle’s.

    Again, my wife.

    6 Yahweh executes righteous acts,

    and justice for all who are oppressed.

    I’ve had a really good look around and see no evidence for such an assertion.  Try again.

    7 He made known his ways to Moses,

    his deeds to the children of Israel.

    Oh?  Do you mean the ones he had mutilated? Or was it the ones he had killed?  Come on, don’t be shy.  Fess’ up!

    8 Yahweh is merciful and gracious,

    slow to anger, and abundant in loving kindness.

    You haven’t read this book, have you!!!  Try it.  It’s a humdinger.

    9 He will not always accuse;

    neither will he stay angry forever.

    We only have so long on this planet, so his forever could well be long after we’ve all gone.  Not much good by then.

    10 He has not dealt with us according to our sins,

    nor repaid us for our iniquities.

    We keep hearing that he has and now you tell us he hasn’t.  Make up your fricking minds.

    11 For as the heavens are high above the earth,

    so great is his loving kindness toward those who fear him.

    If I loved someone, I wouldn’t want them to fear me.  Why is your god such a dick?

    12 As far as the east is from the west,

    East is right next to west…

    so far has he removed our transgressions from us.

    …so this doesn’t mean much does it.

    13 Like a father has compassion on his children,

    so Yahweh has compassion on those who fear him.

    Then why does he allow his priests to abuse children, women and animals?

    14 For he knows how we are made.

    He remembers that we are dust.

    We were once.  Star dust.  We will be again one day.  I know that.  So how does that make him so great?

    15 As for man, his days are like grass.

    As a flower of the field, so he flourishes.

    16 For the wind passes over it, and it is gone.

    Its place remembers it no more.

    Yeah, so?

    17 But Yahweh’s loving kindness is from everlasting to everlasting with those who fear him,

    his righteousness to children’s children;

    Even if he were real, him remembering me doesn’t make one bit of difference to me.  I’d still be dead.

    18 to those who keep his covenant,

    to those who remember to obey his precepts.

    19 Yahweh has established his throne in the heavens.

    His kingdom rules over all.

    Show me on my GPS how to get to it and I MIGHT believe you.

    20 Praise Yahweh, you angels of his,

    who are mighty in strength, who fulfill his word,

    obeying the voice of his word.

    You see angels?  Snow angels or sand angels?

    21 Praise Yahweh, all you armies of his,

    you servants of his, who do his pleasure.

    All you mud brained, slack jawed morons who can’t think for yourselves.

    22 Praise Yahweh, all you works of his,

    in all places of his dominion.

    Praise Yahweh, my soul!

    Yahweh can kiss my hairy arse!

    << Psalm 102      Index      Psalm 104 >>

     
  • DistroMan 20:00 on February 14, 2012 Permalink
    Tags: , , , , , , , , Priest, , ,   

    Psalm 102: I’ll bring my tools, you bring your prayer. I bet I win. 

    Psalms Part 102 of 150

    A Prayer of the afflicted, when he is overwhelmed and pours out his complaint before Yahweh.

    A whinge when the world has become too much for them and they want someone else to do the hard work and fix things for them.

    1 Hear my prayer, Yahweh!

    Let my cry come to you.

    2 Don’t hide your face from me in the day of my distress.

    Turn your ear to me.

    Answer me quickly in the day when I call.

    Yeah, you just keep wishing and wasting your life instead of fixing things for yourself.  Don’t complain later when things don’t work out for you though.

    3 For my days consume away like smoke.

    My bones are burned as a torch.

    Just like the rest of us.

    4 My heart is blighted like grass, and withered,

    for I forget to eat my bread.

    Not very smart.

    5 By reason of the voice of my groaning,

    my bones stick to my skin.

    Well, if you stopped wasting your time groaning and spent it making a living, you’d not only have enough food to eat and the time to eat it, but your bones wouldn’t stick to your skin.

    6 I am like a pelican of the wilderness.

    I have become as an owl of the waste places.

    7 I watch, and have become like a sparrow that is alone on the housetop.

    8 My enemies reproach me all day.

    Those who are mad at me use my name as a curse.

    Well, if you put yourself in that position, you have nobody else to blame but yourself.

    9 For I have eaten ashes like bread,

    and mixed my drink with tears,

    10 Because of your indignation and your wrath,

    for you have taken me up, and thrown me away.

    Still blaming others.  Wasting your time again. Own your own stupidity and do something about it.

    11 My days are like a long shadow.

    I have withered like grass.

    12 But you, Yahweh, will remain forever;

    your renown endures to all generations.

    Damn, I hope not.  The sooner this silliness is forgotten and humanity can begin to stand on it’s own two feet instead of relying on an imaginary friend to do the hard work, the better we will all be.

    13 You will arise and have mercy on Zion;

    for it is time to have pity on her.

    Yes, the set time has come.

    Then he isn’t listening, because that mercy has not arrived.  Never will whilever you stand around waiting.

    14 For your servants take pleasure in her stones,

    and have pity on her dust.

    15 So the nations will fear Yahweh’s name;

    all the kings of the earth your glory.

    Just another one of those things we can add to the long list of chores left undone by your god.

    16 For Yahweh has built up Zion.

    He has appeared in his glory.

    Only to the delusional.

    17 He has responded to the prayer of the destitute,

    and has not despised their prayer.

    On the list.

    18 This will be written for the generation to come.

    A people which will be created will praise Yah.

    And be laughed at by the rational thinker.

    19 For he has looked down from the height of his sanctuary.

    From heaven, Yahweh saw the earth;

    20 to hear the groans of the prisoner;

    to free those who are condemned to death;

    There are more people condemned to death now than ever before, so where is his merciful hand now?

    21 that men may declare Yahweh’s name in Zion,

    and his praise in Jerusalem;

    22 when the peoples are gathered together,

    the kingdoms, to serve Yahweh.

    When they gather together, they fight and kill each other.

    23 He weakened my strength along the course.

    He shortened my days.

    You don’t look after your own affairs and when you get sick and are ready to die you blame it on God.

    24 I said, “My God, don’t take me away in the midst of my days.

    Your years are throughout all generations.

    When you rely on the non existent to cure your ills instead of caring for your own health, you have to expect this.  Get over it.

    25 Of old, you laid the foundation of the earth.

    The heavens are the work of your hands.

    26 They will perish, but you will endure.

    Yes, all of them will wear out like a garment.

    You will change them like a cloak, and they will be changed.

    Everytime a believer stops believing and becomes an atheist, God dies a little.  Yay!!!

    27 But you are the same.

    Your years will have no end.

    Yes they will.  He will be forgotten.  Never to be thought of again.  Relegated to old, mouldy history books, which is more than he deserves.

    28 The children of your servants will continue.

    Their seed will be established before you.”

    They will wake up one day and God will go to sleep forever.  Bring it on!!!

    << Psalm 101      Index      Psalm 103 >>

     
  • DistroMan 20:00 on February 13, 2012 Permalink
    Tags: , , , , , , , , , Priest, , ,   

    Psalm 101: Christianity IS what Christianity isn’t supposed to be. 

    Psalms Part 101 of 150

    A Psalm by David.

    1 I will sing of loving kindness and justice.

    To you, Yahweh, I will sing praises.

    Delusional, but sweet.

    2 I will be careful to live a blameless life.

    When will you come to me?

    I will walk within my house with a blameless heart.

    Send him a Valentine’s Day card too.  He might like that.

    3 I will set no vile thing before my eyes.

    I hate the deeds of faithless men.

    They will not cling to me.

    Hate is a word I truly dislike.  I try my best not to use it.  Why then do I hear it all so often from those who profess universal loving kindness?

    4 A perverse heart will be far from me.

    I will have nothing to do with evil.

    Those hearts probably prefer not to have anything to do with you either.

    5 I will silence whoever secretly slanders his neighbor.

    I won’t tolerate one who is haughty and conceited.

    If it’s ‘secretly’, then you won’t know about it to take any action.

    6 My eyes will be on the faithful of the land,

    that they may dwell with me.

    He who walks in a perfect way,

    he will serve me.

    Favouritism.  Something else I don’t like.

    7 He who practices deceit won’t dwell within my house.

    He who speaks falsehood won’t be established before my eyes.

    8 Morning by morning, I will destroy all the wicked of the land;

    to cut off all the workers of iniquity from Yahweh’s city.

    More action that supposedly goes against what Christianity is supposed to be about.  Stupid Book!!!

    << Psalm 100      Index      Psalm 102 >>

     
  • DistroMan 20:00 on February 12, 2012 Permalink
    Tags: , , , , , , , , Priest, , ,   

    Psalm 100: The good, the bad and then there’s the religious. In that order too. 

    Psalms Part 100 of 150

    A Psalm of thanksgiving.

    1 Shout for joy to Yahweh, all you lands!

    Yep, that you would listen to dirt makes perfect sense.  Especially considering the filth in this book.

    2 Serve Yahweh with gladness.

    Come before his presence with singing.

    Of course, Gawd loves a good show tune.

    3 Know that Yahweh, he is God.

    It is he who has made us, and we are his.

    We are his people, and the sheep of his pasture.

    Good luck to you if that is the life you wish to lead, but the rest of us don’t.  We’d like to make our own decisions thankyou.  Your eternal butting into everyone else’s business and expecting us to fall into line with your beliefs is not acceptable.  You wouldn’t want to be forced to live life the way we do, so what gives you the right to force us to do what you want?

    4 Enter into his gates with thanksgiving,

    into his courts with praise.

    Give thanks to him, and bless his name.

    Screw him, screw his book and screw you.

    5 For Yahweh is good.

    His loving kindness endures forever,

    his faithfulness to all generations.

    << Psalm 99      Index      Psalm 101 >>

     
  • DistroMan 20:00 on February 11, 2012 Permalink
    Tags: , , , , , , , , , Priest, , ,   

    Psalm 99: 99 down, 51 to go. OMG!!! 

    Psalms Part 99 of 150

    1 Yahweh reigns! Let the peoples tremble.

    He sits enthroned among the cherubim.

    Let the earth be moved.

    If Gawd interfered with the movement of earth in even the smallest of ways it would shoot off out into the galaxy or end crashing into the sun.  Gawd don’t do shit.

    2 Yahweh is great in Zion.

    He is high above all the peoples.

    Mickey Mouse is king in Disneyland and he’s bigger than you too.  So Ner!!!

    3 Let them praise your great and awesome name.

    He is Holy!

    The only thing with holes is your logic.

    4 The King’s strength also loves justice.

    You do establish equity.

    You execute justice and righteousness in Jacob.

    If Gawd was real and cared about justice and equity, we wouldn’t have so many children starving to death each and every day.

    5 Exalt Yahweh our God.

    Worship at his footstool.

    You’re his footstool moron.

    He is Holy!

    No he’s not.

    6 Moses and Aaron were among his priests,

    Samuel among those who call on his name;

    they called on Yahweh, and he answered them.

    No he didn’t.

    7 He spoke to them in the pillar of cloud.

    They kept his testimonies,

    the statute that he gave them.

    8 You answered them, Yahweh our God.

    You are a God who forgave them,

    although you took vengeance for their doings.

    Forgiving and taking vengeance?  Moron!

    9 Exalt Yahweh, our God.

    Worship at his holy hill,

    for Yahweh, our God, is holy!

    Get back on your meds!  Really, you need them.

    << Psalm 98      Index      Psalm 100 >>

     
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